The Book of Life (God's Big Book of Names)
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15-01-2013, 11:28 PM
The Book of Life (God's Big Book of Names)
This is one of the first things I was taught as a child. It was during these theatrical plays that my church would put on known as Heaven's Gates and Hell's Flames, which were designed to scare the shit out of everyone. A family would be driving along or something (sitting in chairs on stage pretending to drive), talking about how they're going to stop for ice cream at McDonalds or something. The kids would say something like, "I'm glad I decided to get saved at church today! How come you didn't go to the front and get saved, Dad?" To which the dad would respond something like, "Oh that sort of thing isn't really for me. Maybe I'll do it next time." Then the imaginary car would spiral out of control and the stage would go dark and they would play this deafening sound of a car crash. Then the family would wake up in "heaven" which was at the base of the choir stairs surrounded by white sheets. At the top of the stairs there would be a pedestal and a book.

An angel would be standing at the book and the dad would go, "Oh no, that's the book of life. That's where the names of everyone going to heaven is written. Angel, is my name in that book?" And it would get dark and the kids would scream for their dad and "Satan" and his demons would come out from this red area offstage laughing deafeningly. They would drag the dad off stage in a terrifying manner. Then the lights would come back on and the music would get heavenly again and the kids would ask if they were in the book and Jesus would appear and walk down the steps to greet them and they would ascend the steps together to joyous music.

This would go on and on for several scenarios. So I've had the Book of Life seared into my childhood brain and no one ever really talks about it. It's mentioned in the Bible a few times, with the most straightforward being Revelation 20:15 - "And whosoever was not found written in the book of life was cast into the lake of fire."

I have a questions about this Book of Life. What if you get baptized and saved, but then legally change your name later on? Does God have to scribble out your name and write in a new one? What if there are several people with the same name as you? Does God have your social security number written next to it? What if, due to terrible parents, your name is Satan's Asshole? Does God have to scan the list and go, "Ah yes, Satan's Asshole, I have you right here." What if everyone who was named John Smith was having their annual "I can't believe we're all named John Smith" reunion and their tour bus drove off a cliff? How would get figure out with 733 John Smiths were going to heaven and which 621 were going to hell?

Seriously, a book with names in it is a silly tale - similar to Santa's Naughty or Nice list - meant to frighten. Christianity.about.com tells us that "Jewish tradition tells how God opens the Book of Life and studies the words, actions, and thoughts of every person whose name he has written there. If a person's good deeds outweigh or outnumber their sinful acts, his or her name will remain inscribed in the book for another year."

Yeah. And if the groundhog sees his shadow, we'll have six more weeks of winter. Fucking Christians.

"Ain't got no last words to say, yellow streak right up my spine. The gun in my mouth was real and the taste blew my mind."

"We see you cry. We turn your head. Then we slap your face. We see you try. We see you fail. Some things never change."
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16-01-2013, 01:20 AM
RE: The Book of Life (God's Big Book of Names)
(15-01-2013 11:28 PM)Buddy Christ Wrote:  This is one of the first things I was taught as a child. It was during these theatrical plays that my church would put on known as Heaven's Gates and Hell's Flames, which were designed to scare the shit out of everyone. A family would be driving along or something (sitting in chairs on stage pretending to drive), talking about how they're going to stop for ice cream at McDonalds or something. The kids would say something like, "I'm glad I decided to get saved at church today! How come you didn't go to the front and get saved, Dad?" To which the dad would respond something like, "Oh that sort of thing isn't really for me. Maybe I'll do it next time." Then the imaginary car would spiral out of control and the stage would go dark and they would play this deafening sound of a car crash. Then the family would wake up in "heaven" which was at the base of the choir stairs surrounded by white sheets. At the top of the stairs there would be a pedestal and a book.

An angel would be standing at the book and the dad would go, "Oh no, that's the book of life. That's where the names of everyone going to heaven is written. Angel, is my name in that book?" And it would get dark and the kids would scream for their dad and "Satan" and his demons would come out from this red area offstage laughing deafeningly. They would drag the dad off stage in a terrifying manner. Then the lights would come back on and the music would get heavenly again and the kids would ask if they were in the book and Jesus would appear and walk down the steps to greet them and they would ascend the steps together to joyous music.

This would go on and on for several scenarios. So I've had the Book of Life seared into my childhood brain and no one ever really talks about it. It's mentioned in the Bible a few times, with the most straightforward being Revelation 20:15 - "And whosoever was not found written in the book of life was cast into the lake of fire."

I have a questions about this Book of Life. What if you get baptized and saved, but then legally change your name later on? Does God have to scribble out your name and write in a new one? What if there are several people with the same name as you? Does God have your social security number written next to it? What if, due to terrible parents, your name is Satan's Asshole? Does God have to scan the list and go, "Ah yes, Satan's Asshole, I have you right here." What if everyone who was named John Smith was having their annual "I can't believe we're all named John Smith" reunion and their tour bus drove off a cliff? How would get figure out with 733 John Smiths were going to heaven and which 621 were going to hell?

Seriously, a book with names in it is a silly tale - similar to Santa's Naughty or Nice list - meant to frighten. Christianity.about.com tells us that "Jewish tradition tells how God opens the Book of Life and studies the words, actions, and thoughts of every person whose name he has written there. If a person's good deeds outweigh or outnumber their sinful acts, his or her name will remain inscribed in the book for another year."

Yeah. And if the groundhog sees his shadow, we'll have six more weeks of winter. Fucking Christians.
That's why I'm changing my name to Mortimer Bartesque. There can only be one of him.
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Isaiah 45:7 "I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things" (KJV)

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16-01-2013, 02:07 AM
RE: The Book of Life (God's Big Book of Names)
(15-01-2013 11:28 PM)Buddy Christ Wrote:  "Jewish tradition tells how God opens the Book of Life and studies the words, actions, and thoughts of every person whose name he has written there. If a person's good deeds outweigh or outnumber their sinful acts, his or her name will remain inscribed in the book for another year."
Interesting - didn't realise it was an annual review system. So if you get a good review you can go a-pillaging 'til next year (assuming you die during the year).
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16-01-2013, 12:42 PM
RE: The Book of Life (God's Big Book of Names)
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16-01-2013, 02:18 PM
RE: The Book of Life (God's Big Book of Names)
That's right kiddies, if you're not good then Santa God will remove you from the list. Not just remove you from the list, but rip the page out and wipe his ass with it. So shouldn't you be returning the favor? Everyone grab your bibles.

Obama promised you change. Reach in your pocket, feel those coins? There's your change...
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16-01-2013, 04:39 PM
RE: The Book of Life (God's Big Book of Names)
It's no wonder you dislike the bastards so much, BC! What sorta shite is that!

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16-01-2013, 04:56 PM
RE: The Book of Life (God's Big Book of Names)
(15-01-2013 11:28 PM)Buddy Christ Wrote:  This is one of the first things I was taught as a child. It was during these theatrical plays that my church would put on known as Heaven's Gates and Hell's Flames, which were designed to scare the shit out of everyone. A family would be driving along or something (sitting in chairs on stage pretending to drive), talking about how they're going to stop for ice cream at McDonalds or something. The kids would say something like, "I'm glad I decided to get saved at church today! How come you didn't go to the front and get saved, Dad?" To which the dad would respond something like, "Oh that sort of thing isn't really for me. Maybe I'll do it next time." Then the imaginary car would spiral out of control and the stage would go dark and they would play this deafening sound of a car crash. Then the family would wake up in "heaven" which was at the base of the choir stairs surrounded by white sheets. At the top of the stairs there would be a pedestal and a book.

An angel would be standing at the book and the dad would go, "Oh no, that's the book of life. That's where the names of everyone going to heaven is written. Angel, is my name in that book?" And it would get dark and the kids would scream for their dad and "Satan" and his demons would come out from this red area offstage laughing deafeningly. They would drag the dad off stage in a terrifying manner. Then the lights would come back on and the music would get heavenly again and the kids would ask if they were in the book and Jesus would appear and walk down the steps to greet them and they would ascend the steps together to joyous music.

This would go on and on for several scenarios. So I've had the Book of Life seared into my childhood brain and no one ever really talks about it. It's mentioned in the Bible a few times, with the most straightforward being Revelation 20:15 - "And whosoever was not found written in the book of life was cast into the lake of fire."

I have a questions about this Book of Life. What if you get baptized and saved, but then legally change your name later on? Does God have to scribble out your name and write in a new one? What if there are several people with the same name as you? Does God have your social security number written next to it? What if, due to terrible parents, your name is Satan's Asshole? Does God have to scan the list and go, "Ah yes, Satan's Asshole, I have you right here." What if everyone who was named John Smith was having their annual "I can't believe we're all named John Smith" reunion and their tour bus drove off a cliff? How would get figure out with 733 John Smiths were going to heaven and which 621 were going to hell?

Seriously, a book with names in it is a silly tale - similar to Santa's Naughty or Nice list - meant to frighten. Christianity.about.com tells us that "Jewish tradition tells how God opens the Book of Life and studies the words, actions, and thoughts of every person whose name he has written there. If a person's good deeds outweigh or outnumber their sinful acts, his or her name will remain inscribed in the book for another year."

Yeah. And if the groundhog sees his shadow, we'll have six more weeks of winter. Fucking Christians.
I never heard of the Book of Life before. I can't believe people actually believe stuff like that. God keeps a book? Really? Why would he need one when he can remember everything, supposedly...

But that story got me to thinking. How could those kids enjoy heaven now that their dad went to hell? So much for eternal bliss! How could any family member enjoy that "perfect happiness" with beloved relatives that were deprived of joining them and who were sent to eternal torture instead?

Sigh, I'm so glad I walked away from that crap!

"Religion has caused more misery to all of mankind in every stage of human history than any other single idea." --Madalyn Murray O'Hair
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16-01-2013, 05:02 PM
RE: The Book of Life (God's Big Book of Names)
(16-01-2013 04:56 PM)Impulse Wrote:  
(15-01-2013 11:28 PM)Buddy Christ Wrote:  This is one of the first things I was taught as a child. It was during these theatrical plays that my church would put on known as Heaven's Gates and Hell's Flames, which were designed to scare the shit out of everyone. A family would be driving along or something (sitting in chairs on stage pretending to drive), talking about how they're going to stop for ice cream at McDonalds or something. The kids would say something like, "I'm glad I decided to get saved at church today! How come you didn't go to the front and get saved, Dad?" To which the dad would respond something like, "Oh that sort of thing isn't really for me. Maybe I'll do it next time." Then the imaginary car would spiral out of control and the stage would go dark and they would play this deafening sound of a car crash. Then the family would wake up in "heaven" which was at the base of the choir stairs surrounded by white sheets. At the top of the stairs there would be a pedestal and a book.

An angel would be standing at the book and the dad would go, "Oh no, that's the book of life. That's where the names of everyone going to heaven is written. Angel, is my name in that book?" And it would get dark and the kids would scream for their dad and "Satan" and his demons would come out from this red area offstage laughing deafeningly. They would drag the dad off stage in a terrifying manner. Then the lights would come back on and the music would get heavenly again and the kids would ask if they were in the book and Jesus would appear and walk down the steps to greet them and they would ascend the steps together to joyous music.

This would go on and on for several scenarios. So I've had the Book of Life seared into my childhood brain and no one ever really talks about it. It's mentioned in the Bible a few times, with the most straightforward being Revelation 20:15 - "And whosoever was not found written in the book of life was cast into the lake of fire."

I have a questions about this Book of Life. What if you get baptized and saved, but then legally change your name later on? Does God have to scribble out your name and write in a new one? What if there are several people with the same name as you? Does God have your social security number written next to it? What if, due to terrible parents, your name is Satan's Asshole? Does God have to scan the list and go, "Ah yes, Satan's Asshole, I have you right here." What if everyone who was named John Smith was having their annual "I can't believe we're all named John Smith" reunion and their tour bus drove off a cliff? How would get figure out with 733 John Smiths were going to heaven and which 621 were going to hell?

Seriously, a book with names in it is a silly tale - similar to Santa's Naughty or Nice list - meant to frighten. Christianity.about.com tells us that "Jewish tradition tells how God opens the Book of Life and studies the words, actions, and thoughts of every person whose name he has written there. If a person's good deeds outweigh or outnumber their sinful acts, his or her name will remain inscribed in the book for another year."

Yeah. And if the groundhog sees his shadow, we'll have six more weeks of winter. Fucking Christians.
I never heard of the Book of Life before. I can't believe people actually believe stuff like that. God keeps a book? Really? Why would he need one when he can remember everything, supposedly...

But that story got me to thinking. How could those kids enjoy heaven now that their dad went to hell? So much for eternal bliss! How could any family member enjoy that "perfect happiness" with beloved relatives that were deprived of joining them and who were sent to eternal torture instead?

Sigh, I'm so glad I walked away from that crap!
This is the reason for my pic.

No Christian actually believes in a literal Book of Life on a podium at the Gates of Heaven.

It is seen largely as a metaphor for salvation.

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16-01-2013, 10:54 PM
RE: The Book of Life (God's Big Book of Names)
(16-01-2013 04:56 PM)Impulse Wrote:  But that story got me to thinking. How could those kids enjoy heaven now that their dad went to hell? So much for eternal bliss! How could any family member enjoy that "perfect happiness" with beloved relatives that were deprived of joining them and who were sent to eternal torture instead?

Sigh, I'm so glad I walked away from that crap!

I wondered that myself, even as a terrified child, burying my face in the pew. The heaven people never seemed to mind. Like two construction worker best friends would die in an accident, and one would go to hell and the other would seem to forget about him immediately and almost comically run up to meet Jesus. The audience would laugh and I would cry.

I find this one youtube. This is pretty much the exact thing I experienced as a child. Same dialogue, same sound effects, same songs... only in my church, everyone wasn't so... Jamaican.







(16-01-2013 05:02 PM)kingschosen Wrote:  This is the reason for my pic.

No Christian actually believes in a literal Book of Life on a podium at the Gates of Heaven.

It is seen largely as a metaphor for salvation.

Ah, my favorite. If this Christian believes this, they're not a true Christian attitude. Many Christians believe in the book, mainly because it's mentioned about five times in the Old and New Testament. "Name is not written in the book" etc. So you particularly don't believe in a book or a podium, but you DID say "Gates of Heaven." Does that mean that you believe that heaven has gates? Heaven is a suburban gated community? Can you scale the gate? Are there walls around heaven? John describes New Jerusalem (the eternal residence of God's people after the rapture) in Revelation as having "great and high walls."

I don't understand Christians. They scoff and laugh at some trivial thing like a book on a podium... and yet Jesus wearing a robe and a crown sitting in a throne (all inventions of mankind), are the absolute truth and beyond mocking.

"Ain't got no last words to say, yellow streak right up my spine. The gun in my mouth was real and the taste blew my mind."

"We see you cry. We turn your head. Then we slap your face. We see you try. We see you fail. Some things never change."
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17-01-2013, 08:56 AM
RE: The Book of Life (God's Big Book of Names)
It's called communication.

We (they) instantly understand the point that is being conveyed through the words that are used.

Will Jesus literally be wearing a white robe and a crown? Maybe. Probably not. Most likely not. But, the message here is that He is almighty and sovereign.

If you're trying to convey a message, it's an effective form of communication.

And, I never even mentioned a "No True Scotsman". I just said most Christians don't believe in a literal book.

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