The Depression/Anxiety Thread
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19-07-2012, 12:15 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread
(19-07-2012 11:58 AM)ShirubaDangan Wrote:  Every time I believe I am getting better it brings me back down. As if I'm in an ocean with no land to reach and something continually drags me underwater. I don't know how long I can stand this before I let go. It drives any person insane and while you do try to give me answers I'm not sure if Ill ever follow through like a mirage in a desert it seems like a false hope and promise. I literally am going insane.

Emotions constantly going up and down. I feel sick and terrible. I'm exhausted. I just don't know what to do.
I just got the news i will lose my ins. as of the fist of the year. I don't know what I will do. My meds alone cost $2000. a month if i had to pay out of my pocket. Then I need to see my Dr every month due to our laws in the state of Ohio Pain management. Then I need to be tested for drugs to make sure i am taking my meds and not taking other drugs too. That will cost $700. at least once a year.Even though I have never cheated or showed anything wrong in 15 years. I always have a clean drug test. I have other problems I wont share on here that will only get worse. I am to young for medicare and make to much for medicaid.Who will take me on their Ins. What kind of premium will i have to make every month? Who will hire a guy who has been disabled for 12 years and cant move off the couch for days at a time. I cant lift more than 20 lbs. I cant walk more than 1/4 mile and need to sit down for a hr. I cant sit more than a hr. because I lose all feeling in my legs and cant walk. During the day i must lay down or I get so numb in my legs I cant stand on my feet. I can lose bladder control at times so I need to be able to go home to change my clothing. Look man life is good if you have it better than me.

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19-07-2012, 06:59 PM (This post was last modified: 19-07-2012 07:34 PM by GirlyMan.)
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread
(18-07-2012 08:54 AM)Chas Wrote:  N.B. I have sat on my bed with a loaded shotgun at my throat - but not in a long while. Get help.

Me too. But not in a long while. When I first encountered nihilism in my late teens and realized that there's no point to any of this fucking bullshit was the worst. When I realized that's not what nihilism was about, but rather that by denying ultimate meaning it actually elevated the transient local artificial meaning that I must create for myself to the only thing that fucking matters, my black dog just sullenly slinked back into its cage. It's still with me, and it periodically barks to be let out, I just don't recognize or feed it. Fucker always shuts up after a bit when it realizes its efforts are now futile.

Two quotes come to my mind here:

“Nothing focuses the mind like a hanging.” - Samuel Johnson

"The absurd man will not commit suicide; he wants to live, without relinquishing any of his certainty, without a future, without hope, without illusions ... and without resignation either. He stares at death with passionate attention and this fascination liberates him. He experiences the 'divine irresponsibility' of the condemned man." - Sartre


(19-07-2012 11:58 AM)ShirubaDangan Wrote:  I just don't know what to do.

Deadlifts. Go lift a bigass rock off the fucking ground. Tomorrow try to lift an ever bigass rock off the ground. Kinda like a twist on The Myth of Sisyphus: "Yeah that rock was pussy, you got anything heavier." Girly's going for 500 lbs at 50 yo. At 405 now, don't think I'll make it, don't care, I'm just gonna keep lifting bigass rocks off the ground. It's something to do that I enjoy. Find something to do that you enjoy ShirubaDangan. I suggest deadlifts.




There is only one really serious philosophical question, and that is suicide. -Camus
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19-07-2012, 08:14 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread
I agree, you need to find something that releases your pent up stuff and that you enjoy. It's something different for everyone.

I too have toyed with the thought of doing away with myself. It actually has served as a crutch at times - if all else fails, I can always follow through and head for the exit. Oddly, the option of exiting at my own volition kept me alive through some pretty nasty times.

I do find plenty of enjoyable things for myself. I love nature, dogs, cooking and gardening. I make sure I drink in as much of that as possible every day.

Also, if your depression has a recurring theme, like someone who did you wrong, say to yourself: "Who the fuck are you and why do I give you the power to ruin my life?" No one has the power to do so, only you. It's all in your hands. You are the curse and the salvation.

Change something. Anything. Move to a new place, move your furniture around, change your clothes, sit in a different chair, paint your place, go where you normally wouldn't, do what you normally don't. It doesn't matter what, but change something. Then change something else the next day. When you start doing something because you always do it, don't do it. Do something else instead. Sooner or later you will see things differently.

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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19-07-2012, 08:25 PM (This post was last modified: 19-07-2012 08:35 PM by GirlyMan.)
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread
(19-07-2012 08:14 PM)Dom Wrote:  I agree, you need to find something that releases your pent up stuff and that you enjoy. It's something different for everyone.

Agreed, it's different for everyone. But just lifting bigass rocks off the ground is the easiest and most immediate and most convenient and most primal. For some of us, that's enough. It's an excellent activity to start with. Big Grin

(19-07-2012 08:14 PM)Dom Wrote:  I too have toyed with the thought of doing away with myself. It actually has served as a crutch at times - if all else fails, I can always follow through and head for the exit. Oddly, the option of exiting at my own volition kept me alive through some pretty nasty times.

Me too. Seems paradoxical at first, but on further consideration, it's rather obvious.

(19-07-2012 08:14 PM)Dom Wrote:  Change something. Anything.

Yeah, start lifting bigass rocks off the ground just for the fuck of it. Wink

There is only one really serious philosophical question, and that is suicide. -Camus
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19-07-2012, 11:30 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread
I think getting a dog is the best and fastest solution at this moment. Then you will have someone to take care of, someone who depends on you, someone who needs you... Think about it. Better yet, don't think about it, go and get a dog.

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20-07-2012, 12:18 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread
(19-07-2012 06:59 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  
(18-07-2012 08:54 AM)Chas Wrote:  N.B. I have sat on my bed with a loaded shotgun at my throat - but not in a long while. Get help.

Me too. But not in a long while. When I first encountered nihilism in my late teens and realized that there's no point to any of this fucking bullshit was the worst. When I realized that's not what nihilism was about, but rather that by denying ultimate meaning it actually elevated the transient local artificial meaning that I must create for myself to the only thing that fucking matters, my black dog just sullenly slinked back into its cage. It's still with me, and it periodically barks to be let out, I just don't recognize or feed it. Fucker always shuts up after a bit when it realizes its efforts are now futile.

Two quotes come to my mind here:

“Nothing focuses the mind like a hanging.” - Samuel Johnson

"The absurd man will not commit suicide; he wants to live, without relinquishing any of his certainty, without a future, without hope, without illusions ... and without resignation either. He stares at death with passionate attention and this fascination liberates him. He experiences the 'divine irresponsibility' of the condemned man." - Sartre


(19-07-2012 11:58 AM)ShirubaDangan Wrote:  I just don't know what to do.

Deadlifts. Go lift a bigass rock off the fucking ground. Tomorrow try to lift an ever bigass rock off the ground. Kinda like a twist on The Myth of Sisyphus: "Yeah that rock was pussy, you got anything heavier." Girly's going for 500 lbs at 50 yo. At 405 now, don't think I'll make it, don't care, I'm just gonna keep lifting bigass rocks off the ground. It's something to do that I enjoy. Find something to do that you enjoy ShirubaDangan. I suggest deadlifts.



Reminded me of the American rassler Bulldog Brower, but much stronger........Brower may have been before your viewing time....... Cool How much do you bench press Girly?
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20-07-2012, 01:58 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread
Thanks I feel better. Not currently all there yet but better. I've always wanted to make YouTube videos but can't find a program that would help. Gonna buy some soon I guess but I feel better. Thank you just need to bang my head against a wall for a while to get rid of this headache.

Hopefully I will be better again to start joining the debates on here. I missed them.

"Mankind must put an end to war, or war will put an end to mankind." -John F Kennedy

The way to see by Faith is to shut the eye of Reason.” -Benjamin Franklin

It has been a long time. How have you been?
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20-07-2012, 02:13 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread
Good, now while you have one of the good episodes, go get a dog. I am positive it will be helpful. Go to asylum and save one dog, he/she will love you, you will love him/her, can't go wrong here.

Also, the sunlight may help with headaches, so go outside, being stuck in a house causes all sorts of small problems, the unnatural light, the stalled air... Sunlight and fresh air, it works wonders.

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24-07-2012, 10:23 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread
Thank you again. It still hurts and I don't believe it to be easy. Just need my head in the right place. I feel exhausted.

My biggest worry is having it happen once again.

"Mankind must put an end to war, or war will put an end to mankind." -John F Kennedy

The way to see by Faith is to shut the eye of Reason.” -Benjamin Franklin

It has been a long time. How have you been?
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24-07-2012, 11:01 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread
Just glad you feel better... Take care.

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I have a theory that the truth is never told during the nine-to-five hours.
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