The Depression/Anxiety Thread
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 1 Votes - 5 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
19-04-2017, 12:49 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread
I'm looking forward to going back through this whole thread, but for now, I have a question, if anybody has advice.

Quick summary, hopefully: I'm very busy and my husband and I are under quite a bit of stress, although plenty of it is from good stuff. I have a psychiatrist who manages my anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds (for the past 3-4 years) and a psychologist for weekly talk therapy. I just got started with my therapist so, while we're quickly building a very promising relationship, the wheels are just starting to turn. However, my job is my super, super, biggest, really only major trigger, and, while I've applied around a number of times, nothing yet. My schedule's not going to clear up any time soon, and, at least for now, we absolutely can't afford to lose my salary or really any chunk of it. Or, rather, the things we'd have to sacrifice first if we lost any of it would be the things I'm least willing to give up and the things that bring me the most happiness. There are other things we could change but they all take a long time, so my question is about what to do before anything comes about that would let me interact with this job less.

The problem is, I have multiple days--more and more often--where I just don't know if I can do it a minute longer. Think the few-steps-beyond-panic that you feel towards the end of transition, for those of you that have given birth without meds. I honestly don't know how I've kept this up as long as I have, since this feeling has been with me, at a base level, for years. The meds help a lot but it's starting to get bad again, even with them, and they're at a good balance right now so I don't want to change because that caused its own problems last time. Also, the fact is that I feel like this because my job has become frighteningly similar to an emotionally abusive spouse, and there's only so much meds can do to make that better. Basically, I am at a level of self-care that disqualifies me from the medically necessary condition of inpatient treatment but not at a level that makes me actually a functioning adult, and I'm scared and miserable so much of the time that my health is starting to suffer. How do I get through all the days in between now and whenever therapy and job hunting release me from this? Is there something I can do? I'm not suicidal--very much the opposite--but I definitely have to fight, every day, the incredibly strong message in my head that there's no place for me here and that I should go away?

I know that's a lot and I don't know what I expect you guys to have to say about it, but if anyone's been there and has a suggestion I haven't thought of, I would really, really appreciate it.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
19-04-2017, 01:01 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread
What is it about your job that stresses you out? Was it always like that? Did something change?

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like morondog's post
19-04-2017, 01:23 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread
(19-04-2017 12:49 PM)kmc Wrote:  I'm looking forward to going back through this whole thread, but for now, I have a question, if anybody has advice.

Quick summary, hopefully: I'm very busy and my husband and I are under quite a bit of stress, although plenty of it is from good stuff. I have a psychiatrist who manages my anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds (for the past 3-4 years) and a psychologist for weekly talk therapy. I just got started with my therapist so, while we're quickly building a very promising relationship, the wheels are just starting to turn. However, my job is my super, super, biggest, really only major trigger, and, while I've applied around a number of times, nothing yet. My schedule's not going to clear up any time soon, and, at least for now, we absolutely can't afford to lose my salary or really any chunk of it. Or, rather, the things we'd have to sacrifice first if we lost any of it would be the things I'm least willing to give up and the things that bring me the most happiness. There are other things we could change but they all take a long time, so my question is about what to do before anything comes about that would let me interact with this job less.

The problem is, I have multiple days--more and more often--where I just don't know if I can do it a minute longer. Think the few-steps-beyond-panic that you feel towards the end of transition, for those of you that have given birth without meds. I honestly don't know how I've kept this up as long as I have, since this feeling has been with me, at a base level, for years. The meds help a lot but it's starting to get bad again, even with them, and they're at a good balance right now so I don't want to change because that caused its own problems last time. Also, the fact is that I feel like this because my job has become frighteningly similar to an emotionally abusive spouse, and there's only so much meds can do to make that better. Basically, I am at a level of self-care that disqualifies me from the medically necessary condition of inpatient treatment but not at a level that makes me actually a functioning adult, and I'm scared and miserable so much of the time that my health is starting to suffer. How do I get through all the days in between now and whenever therapy and job hunting release me from this? Is there something I can do? I'm not suicidal--very much the opposite--but I definitely have to fight, every day, the incredibly strong message in my head that there's no place for me here and that I should go away?

I know that's a lot and I don't know what I expect you guys to have to say about it, but if anyone's been there and has a suggestion I haven't thought of, I would really, really appreciate it.

I'm sorry that you're going through this. It's horrible to be trapped in a toxic workplace.

My suggestion is counterintuitive but it worked well for me when I was at the end of my chain and dangling about eight years ago: add one thing to your schedule that you really want to do but don't quite have time for. For me, it was joining a music group--I'd been doing music teaching but had stopped performing entirely for several years because of family crisis after crisis. My time crunch increased, and I had a few rehearsals where I played through stress tears, but it made things hugely better, eventually. What also changed for me around that point was going from a contracting mindset to an expanding one. I'd spent several years eliminating "me" stuff or friends stuff so that I'd have the energy to deal with difficult family circumstances--however, this turned out to make me more tired, not less.

It sounds like the best thing that could happen for you is a new job. My husband is about seven months into a new job that he got after being thoroughly unhappy at his old company for several years, and after a couple of years of looking for somewhere different. He tried throwing himself into new hobbies, blowing off steam with me, etc., but the thing that really helped him was going to a company run by sane people.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like julep's post
19-04-2017, 04:17 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread
(19-04-2017 01:23 PM)julep Wrote:  ---
What also changed for me around that point was going from a contracting mindset to an expanding one. I'd spent several years eliminating "me" stuff or friends stuff so that I'd have the energy to deal with difficult family circumstances--however, this turned out to make me more tired, not less.

Good on you Julep! Thumbsup
***

Sorry Kmc, it sounds like you are getting hit with a bunch of things all at once. I'm going to suggest you take Julep's advice. No matter what, you need some ME time - in a big way. Look for something constructive to focus your mind and your body/hands - it could even be just joining an exercise class.

Aside from that, get with your therapist and say the exact things you wrote here. If need be, copy it off and give it to your therapist. It was clear, concise, and can not be expressed any better. Your therapist needs to be aware of this subtle yet, increasingly problematic change.

A new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move to higher levels. ~ Albert Einstein
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 3 users Like kim's post
20-04-2017, 03:05 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread
So, possibly more than a 'vent' than anything:

Last week, I had a tough time. I had to attend court over a serious matter, (Long story), which is the first time I've ever been in any sort of "trouble" in almost 30 years. Never been arrested, spent a night in the cell, never had a fight in my life etc. This was over a supposed 'discrepancy' that my local council found, over a previous claim I'd made for a Housing Benefit, which I was fully entitled to. Because of the mind set over people robbing them off, it got escalated to the court's and I had to go stand in the box and everything. So the stress was INTENSE to say the least. Luckily the judge saw things my way, and I'm free to go.

The following day, I had my driving test. Minor thing to some, but having never completed this previously (I'm 29 now) as a teen due to anxiety issues, again the pressure was on. I managed to keep it under control and pass, with only 2 "minor" faults being logged, (not sure about outside of the UK, but over here that's pretty good, I'm told), and it's been all good.

Now, I don't know if its because of the intense pressure I've been putting myself under, but this week, I've been getting really "worked up" , and have come close to panic attacks a few times. I'm taking medication, which does help, although I'm unsure why I'm feeling this way at all, as essentially all pressure is now off lol.

I think I'll have to get back on the yoga for a bit.

When life gives you lemons, just remember you are an....
(Yesterday 09:47 AM)vahaaao Wrote:  Irresponsible bachelor daddy
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like OakTree500's post
20-04-2017, 09:34 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread
Thanks for your advice, everybody. I'm trying to take time for some of my hobby projects that I've been wanting to get done, and at least that feels good!

OakTree, congrats on passing your test! I've heard the horror stories of passing a driving test in the UK. It's much more rigorous than the US. Sometimes I have a post-stress anxious reaction kind of like you're describing. I think it's from trying to keep it together for the stuff you actually have to get done, and then there's an emotional letdown afterwards, where the stress finally catches up with you and also you're in high gear going downhill all of a sudden (an apt metaphor, I suppose).

I eat too much cheese.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like kmc's post
20-04-2017, 09:38 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread
KMC: Well that was my thought anyway, just everything catching up with me. Hopfully it'll calm down soon enough, just lots and lots of pressure building up I think. And to be honest, the test wasn't that bad. Not sure what it's like in the states but it took about 40 min's, and the minor notes I was given at the end really were minor (incorrect use of a signal and slight speed increase at the wrong time) so all in all, it was fairly - dare I say it - easy lol.

When life gives you lemons, just remember you are an....
(Yesterday 09:47 AM)vahaaao Wrote:  Irresponsible bachelor daddy
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
20-04-2017, 09:50 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread
Double post sorry
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
20-04-2017, 09:51 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread
(20-04-2017 09:50 AM)adey67 Wrote:  In the UK you only get a totally full licence if you pass the test using a car with a manual gear shift. I think I'm right in saying most motorists in the US dont know how to drive a car with manual gears.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
20-04-2017, 09:59 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread
(20-04-2017 09:51 AM)adey67 Wrote:  
(20-04-2017 09:50 AM)adey67 Wrote:  In the UK you only get a totally full licence if you pass the test using a car with a manual gear shift. I think I'm right in saying most motorists in the US dont know how to drive a car with manual gears.

Maybe younger people don't know how to drive a stick.
Most people over 40 probably know how. Also, farmer's kids know how. But yes, the majority of cars sold in the US are automatic.

A new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move to higher levels. ~ Albert Einstein
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
Post Reply
Forum Jump: