The Depression/Anxiety Thread
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16-07-2012, 09:28 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread
Quote:Posted by LadyJane - Today 11:18 PM I do think that the person should be in a healthy state of mind to be a
professional though (meaning managed with the skill set and support to
pursue their career).
I agree with that.
Quote: Posted by Erxomai - Today 11:15 PM



When I was in Grad school, the professors in my psych program were some
of the most messed up individuals I've run across in a professional
setting. It really turned me off to pursuing counseling as a career for a
while. But now, 17 years later, having been in pretty intensive therapy
for the past year, I'm considering it again. My therapist is someone I
think very highly of and she's been causing me to consider it again as a
career. [Image: thumbsup.gif]
SAWEET! Thumbsup

[Image: 3d366d5c-72a0-4228-b835-f404c2970188_zps...1381867723]
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16-07-2012, 09:33 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread
I ran across a great TEDtalk while ago that discussed electro shock therapy for depression. I found it very fascinating:




I have had varying degrees of social phobia throughout my life. For a long time people would say that I was just painfully shy and that I would grow out of it but I always felt that something was just wrong with me. In 9th grade I had a particularly bad anxiety attack in front of the whole class. I was simply supposed to read a paragraph from the text book and I choked, literally, my throat became swollen my face turned beet red and I couldn't breathe! The weird thing was this had never happened to me before and I really didn't even feel like I should have been nervous about anything. It just crept up and hit me all at once that day. I was so embarrassed about what happened that I never told anyone at home about it and I never went back to school again. An 8th grade education is all I got.

I realize now how unfortunate it was for me to not seek any help. I really thought it was a personal defect I needed to hide. Now I see my niece with the same problem and have been able to see that she gets help.

I however still run from this problem by finding successful ways of coping. I use to lose myself in my music and I became good enough to perform at clubs and parties with people much older than I was. That sort of led to a lot of "self medication" being in an atmosphere of drugs and drinking all of the time. That put me further on the path of self destruction.

Then I quit all of it one day and became right with god. Lol! Tackled many of my social phobia issues at church and dealt with things in a spiritual way which was a good band aide at times but never solved anything. Now, I drive trucks and lead a very solitary life. Easy for me to cope with I guess. I do go out and do things because I know I need balance. Alcohol lessens the anxiety when I do things socially now. My wife also helps. She knows how I am and is very much the opposite. I'm very grateful to have had her for almost 20 years now.

Damn. I didn't mean to type all of that.



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16-07-2012, 09:56 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread
Thanks for sharing your story, Grassy. There are things there I can relate to. I'm definitely going to watch these videos you posted. Electro therapy has long fascinated me since reading One Flew Over the Cukoo's Nest. It's amazing to me that something that once seemed so barbaric now seems to have a chance of becoming in vogue again with better understanding of the proper application.

And social anxiety...let's just say I plan to definitely watch that video with special interest.

"All that is necessary for the triumph of Calvinism is that good Atheists do nothing." ~Eric Oh My
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16-07-2012, 10:42 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread
(16-07-2012 08:42 PM)cheapthrillseaker Wrote:  
(16-07-2012 08:25 PM)LadyJane Wrote:  My friends and I always joked about this in school. It does ring very true. Either they air someone close to them usually has some sort of issue, I think that's what makes them interested and drawn to the subject of psychology/neurology.
Do either of you have mental illnesses?
No, but I have friends that do. Bi-polar, anxiety... I am not a psychologist or a counselor but have read quite a few books on the subject. I find it a fascinating field.

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16-07-2012, 10:54 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread
Yea, haven't replied in a while. Not feeling so damn well. I'm thinking of placing a gun to my head. Its just been hard recently. I never had it easy and I won't argue I had it the worse. I just feel terrible. You may not have known but I've been like this for years with it becoming progressively worse.

A quote I have always like is those who commit suicide have already been dead for a long time.

I just don't know what to do. I understand people will say get help or get better but it isn't as simple as that.

I've been lying to make sure others think I'm fine. I don't know much to say other than I feel like I'm dying. Its hard to turn towards anything but I feel like these are the last of my days. Ill try to read whatever is in this thread I just haven't had the urge to do anything I've enjoyed. Like reading, being on this forum, writing. It seemed to all have disappeared. Even simple necessities like food, water, sexual urges and happiness have disappeared. Well happiness disappeared a long time ago. I don't necessarily feel happy. I could fake it but it seems to depress me even more. I also can say I guess I never loved. I hated my father for things like abusing me when I wept and grew distant from my parents. I was also exposed to seeing my brother quickly become the favorite. As I grew I tried to impress my parents. I won awards for writing or art but my father never really cared. He was only interested in sports and my grades were probably so bad they went in the negatives. It only disappointed him and myself. I felt like the failing son. Eventually I stopped caring and began hating myself. During this time I met a female friend. I eventually became attached to her and could say I loved her. She eventually left and went with someone else and my heart couldn't take it. As things went along I began to eat less. Lose 7 pounds. I got very sick and didn't check my blood sugar or seemed to care. I am doing pretty rough.

If I never reply its because I tragically lost my life to something that keeps me hollow.

I felt like I've been dying the whole way. Now I just want too release it. I've visited doctors and therapists. Medicine and talking rarely seem to help. I guess I'm running out of choices and forgive me my grammar. I just am in a very bad state of mind.

"Mankind must put an end to war, or war will put an end to mankind." -John F Kennedy

The way to see by Faith is to shut the eye of Reason.” -Benjamin Franklin

It has been a long time. How have you been?
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16-07-2012, 11:46 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread
(16-07-2012 10:54 PM)ShirubaDangan Wrote:  Yea, haven't replied in a while. Not feeling so damn well. I'm thinking of placing a gun to my head. Its just been hard recently. I never had it easy and I won't argue I had it the worse. I just feel terrible. You may not have known but I've been like this for years with it becoming progressively worse.

A quote I have always like is those who commit suicide have already been dead for a long time.

I just don't know what to do. I understand people will say get help or get better but it isn't as simple as that.

I've been lying to make sure others think I'm fine. I don't know much to say other than I feel like I'm dying. Its hard to turn towards anything but I feel like these are the last of my days. Ill try to read whatever is in this thread I just haven't had the urge to do anything I've enjoyed. Like reading, being on this forum, writing. It seemed to all have disappeared. Even simple necessities like food, water, sexual urges and happiness have disappeared. Well happiness disappeared a long time ago. I don't necessarily feel happy. I could fake it but it seems to depress me even more. I also can say I guess I never loved. I hated my father for things like abusing me when I wept and grew distant from my parents. I was also exposed to seeing my brother quickly become the favorite. As I grew I tried to impress my parents. I won awards for writing or art but my father never really cared. He was only interested in sports and my grades were probably so bad they went in the negatives. It only disappointed him and myself. I felt like the failing son. Eventually I stopped caring and began hating myself. During this time I met a female friend. I eventually became attached to her and could say I loved her. She eventually left and went with someone else and my heart couldn't take it. As things went along I began to eat less. Lose 7 pounds. I got very sick and didn't check my blood sugar or seemed to care. I am doing pretty rough.

If I never reply its because I tragically lost my life to something that keeps me hollow.

I felt like I've been dying the whole way. Now I just want too release it. I've visited doctors and therapists. Medicine and talking rarely seem to help. I guess I'm running out of choices and forgive me my grammar. I just am in a very bad state of mind.
Wow, Dude, just wow.
I know where you're at, Brother. Been there often with so much of what you said. I get it. I know what it is to lose all interest in anything but the thought of death ending all the pain. And I know the words of other people don't necessarily sink in when you're already convinced things won't get better. Ever. In spite of that, I'm going to tell you anyway...things get better. Maybe not great. Could be not awesome. But better. If you're like me, it's not that you want to stop living, it's that you want to stop hurting. Does that seem the way it is to you? It's not that you're choosing death because you can't face the future, you're choosing death because you can't stand the current pain. At least that's how it was for me just a year ago this month...and for many months afterwards. Been the route of therapy alone. Been the route of meds alone. Now I'm on the path of many meds and three therapy sessions a week. Therapy is what has been keeping me alive and the meds have made me feel good enough to drag my sorry ass to therapy. Not saying that's your path, but I'm saying that it moved me from the place of thinking things will never get better to a place where in spite of weekly ups and downs and constant fleeting thoughts about suicide, I'm a noticeably better than I was this time a year ago. I can't trust myself much, but I trust in my Therapist (that seems like a weird thing to say as an atheist, but there it is anyway). I can and do tell her anything. She rarely gives me any answers, but makes plenty of suggestions and speculations about what I tell her to make me think in a new direction. The other major part of my recovery has been this forum. The reason that I have an embarrassingly vast amount of posts is not because I am talkative. I know that seems hard to believe from someone who has diarrhea of the fingers, but it's true. This place has become my community, my family. Not in some weird woo woo feeling kind of way, but in a true practical way. I come here to exercise my smart-assedness because I don't do it anywhere else. Anyway, the point I'm trying to get to is: it does help to talk. Maybe you are like me and over-analyze everything and figure what good can talking do? It's not about the talking, it's about the thinking. Talking or writing is a way for many people to check out what it really is that they are thinking. Then you have the opportunity to review the truthfulness of the way you're thinking. And the way you're thinking is certifiably affecting the way you're feeling. So if you can change the thinking, you've got a good shot of changing your feelings. I'm not there yet. Not even convinced I will ever be...but it's a shot I've decided to take to see what happens. And again, I'm here to tell you, I'm better than I was a year ago. It does get better.

Where do you live, man?

"All that is necessary for the triumph of Calvinism is that good Atheists do nothing." ~Eric Oh My
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17-07-2012, 12:15 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread
I live in Las Vegas. A place where suicides are numerous. Something I here plenty of.

I am terribly broken down. For me not to respond in my normal professional way disturbs me. I'm not what I used too. I feel this depression even robbed me of my lies I made to people. Losing all interests is killing me but what is disturbing me most is the fact I don't love or feel love. It has caused my mind to go insane. When I loved my friend I thought I finally found happiness. When I lost her I blamed myself. I blamed all my past failures on myself and I absolutely and utterly hate myself. I beat myself to a pulp. Slept on the floor. I think I was going crazy. People have constantly told me it gets better but my problem is that I've waited years. Years to try and get this out of my head and as it continued to get worse my only thought was suicide. Even now I am positive on ending my life. Just writing notes and messages to friends and family. Assuring them it wasn't there fault. I am afraid of death and I am waiting to be at my worst to do the act. I do want to stop hurting and my solution is this one. I don't have friends or family. I do not have loved ones and as you do have friends. I suffer from being alone. I just don't have much to think. I've thought about this option for a long time and kept putting it in my friend. I am literally at the edge of pulling this trigger. Ending all my thoughts that need to cease to exist. Its something I long for. Something I would enjoy very much. Some people find it disturbing about the thought of death but I find it peaceful and reassuring. Something I don't believe that can let me down and rid me of everything.

"Mankind must put an end to war, or war will put an end to mankind." -John F Kennedy

The way to see by Faith is to shut the eye of Reason.” -Benjamin Franklin

It has been a long time. How have you been?
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17-07-2012, 12:33 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread
Bro, it pains me to hear you are where you are, because I've had my own craziness. You're writing notes...what kind of plan do you have in place?

"All that is necessary for the triumph of Calvinism is that good Atheists do nothing." ~Eric Oh My
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17-07-2012, 01:00 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread
Well even though I stated I was putting a gun to my head my plan is to shoot my heart with a .44 magnum revolver. It has enough force to nearly blow off a limb so a shot to the heart will cause sever damage and trauma that I will not recover from. I am just saying my last goodbye's telling friends and family that I am well now and it was not their fault. I plan maybe to post something on here as well. I also really wanted to create a video showing my outlook on life, depression, atheism, thoughts, how it happens, things to help others etc. I also am just writing as much of my book as possible of general ideas I had. Characters, plots, ideas, and anything to hopefully inspire or make someone carry on my ideas after my life. I also plan to die with some of my favorite possessions at my side.

I am pretty set. I am sorry I am finally exhausted after numerous days. I need some rest and will try to post tomorrow in the morning. I also will post some videos that have made me peaceful in these days. Two are documentaries about suicide which have calmed my mind.
Well even though I stated I was putting a gun to my head my plan is to shoot my heart with a .44 magnum revolver. It has enough force to nearly blow off a limb so a shot to the heart will cause sever damage and trauma that I will not recover from. I am just saying my last goodbye's telling friends and family that I am well now and it was not their fault. I plan maybe to post something on here as well. I also really wanted to create a video showing my outlook on life, depression, atheism, thoughts, how it happens, things to help others etc. I also am just writing as much of my book as possible of general ideas I had. Characters, plots, ideas, and anything to hopefully inspire or make someone carry on my ideas after my life.

I am pretty set. I am sorry I am finally exhausted after numerous days. I need some rest. I also will post some videos that have made me peaceful in these days. Two are documentaries about suicide which I will post immediately below.

The Suicide Forest in Japan. If my life were extended I would enjoy to visit this beautiful forest and talk to those who have troubled thoughts. It saddens me but brings me peace that they don't suffer from sadness anymore.




Closer to home is the Golden Gate Bridge. It was a place I contemplated ending my life. It has the most suicides in one area than any other place on earth. It was something I never heard of and I found interesting as well but this one did make me sad.





The last two things are surprising and short. You do not have to watch these like I recommend with the documentaries. They are two short Japanese songs a friend shared with me and they caused emotion I haven't felt in a long time. It is a sweet story but one with a saddening ending. The two videos are related to each other so please watch in order.

Also the videos are in Japanese but they are translated. So be prepared to read.









I guess even at the brink of insanity I still want to share my thoughts and feelings. It is strange especially coming from someone who is dead set on ending his life. I hope you enjoy the videos and any problems with them I can remove them immediately. If you don't want to watch anything long the Japanese songs are short. With the suicide forest being about 20 minutes long and the golden gate bridge being at an hour thirty so you can view them in order just giving you all a heads up.

Thank you and I hope reply.

I am sorry it pains you.

"Mankind must put an end to war, or war will put an end to mankind." -John F Kennedy

The way to see by Faith is to shut the eye of Reason.” -Benjamin Franklin

It has been a long time. How have you been?
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17-07-2012, 01:09 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread
I hope you reply too. This suck's man. I wish I could say to you what a co-worker told me a year ago...

"Let me know when you're ready to do it. I want to take you out for a beer. Not to talk you out of a choice you've made, I'd just like to have the chance to say good-bye."

If I was anywhere near Vegas, like I used to be back in my SoCal days, I'd tell you the same thing.

In fact, I am telling you the same thing if you want to fly out to Seattle first. Actually, I'm asking you to do it. Max out the credit card and come visit first, Bro. There's some awesome breweries around here and we can drink a toast to atheism and the true peace we have that there is not some bullshit promise of post-mortem preservation, as GirlyMan is so fond of saying. Smile


PS, the First Beer is on me, but after that, we're gonna max out your muther fuckin' credit cards!

"All that is necessary for the triumph of Calvinism is that good Atheists do nothing." ~Eric Oh My
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