The Depression/Anxiety Thread
24-04-2012, 02:52 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread
I read half of this thread this morning at work but I didn't dare and write about my mental issues at work...
Novel coming > I you don't like to read much, skip this post
Here we go:
Right now I am fine. I am fine most of the time lately.
I would like to share a bit of my way out of depression and a few tips that I got along the way - and the way was long.
When I was 21 I went to the doctor after work one day because I felt
really weak and kinda shaky. My boss at the time was bullying me and I
just wanted a day off of that boss. When the doctor asked me what's
wrong I just started crying and said I can't go back there. He gave me
the rest of the week off and told me to call my area manager to get to
work somewhere else.
I had been sick a lot. I say this: 54 days sick home in one year. And I
really only go home when I absolutely can't work anymore.
So I got to work in another place, and it was really nice, really! The boss and the whole team was great.
But the day came when I felt weird and shaky again, in the morning at
work and asked my boss if we could talk, just for a moment.
So we sat down in another room and I just wanted to tell her that I don't feel good and if I could go home but I had a mental break down. She (my boss) told me "yes, I saw that coming, you didn't look so good for some time"
She sent me to the doctor that day.
My doctor gave me a note and sent me to the hospital for a quick check up, he was really worried.
At the hospital I got like 16 pages with questions:
How do you feel right now?
Are you often sad?
Are you easily scared?
Do you have dark thoughts a lot?
Did you ever think about suicide?
Did you think about suicide during the last week?
Are you in a relationship?
Are you living alone?
Do you like your job?
and so on and so on...
The doctor there talked to me for a bit, went through some of the questions, looked me in the eye:
"Do you want to die?"
"I don't care"
"I am really worried about you, I would like to keep you here"
"I can't, I have pets at home"
"Do you think I can let you go home?"
"And you won't jump in front of the next train? You have to promise me"
"If I would like to do that, I would have done it already" (I lied, I wanted to do it, I just hadn't done it, yet)
She let me go but she put me in a 6 week therapy programme at the hospital.
I would spend the day there and only sleep at home.
Now, the therapies there didn't help me really. But I had tons of time
to think, and to write and paint. Writing and painting was my way to
release everything, and showing my written things to others.
Once my therapist there gave me homework. I had to draw a lifeline of ups
and downs, from birth until that time. So then I could finally pinpoint
when I started getting depressed (in my childhood already actually) and
why and what the triggers where and so on, this helped me working on myself.
Noone who talked to me, no friends, therapists, brother, noone could help me, I had to figure myself.
At this point I used meditation. It was easier to work on all the crap with a calm, empty mind. And it worked better and better.
I refused medication because the two times I tried it, I hated it.
When I was done with all my downs (the ones in my chart) all that was left in me was a feeling of carelessness and dumbness.
At this time I got two really good "ressources"
I had left therapy and the group "packed" me a suitcase. they painted a big suitcase and everyone painted something in that they wanted for me.
This was something really sweet, I had it on my wall for a long time and I would always have a look at it when I felt weird.
The second thing was, I made myself little postits with things I like and am good at. Just one or two word per post it and I put them all on my cupboard. Everything positve was allowed. So here a few "happy and sunny" (my cats), "guitar", "inline skating", "sunshine", "baking", "cocoa" ....
And it sounds weird but looking at the amount of postits there, all positive things actually helped me, too. I would just add one when I found something new.
Now I said "ressources", that is something I learnt at the hospital. That is what they focussed on in their program,
They said that every person needs a few ressources and needs to learn identify when they start getting depressed (this is what every patient there had in common).
And you would actually have a little bag or so where you put actual things in. Some people would like nice smells, so they would try to get essence. Some would like to feel something soft and they got a feather. etc... I never made myself something like that, how would I carry my guitar around all the time? But this might help others, a pack of ressources, kind of a first-aid-kit for depression.
Another thing that helps, is cruelly facing the trauma, because often it is one or more traumata that are the problem. This is really ugly and afterwards you feel exhausted.
Now at this point I would of course like to recommend to only do this with experienced people or people who know you very well. I did this with a friend back then. He had a bad trauma and I made him face the worst moments, make him go through it step by step, freeze moment by moment so he could realize that what happened couldn't have happened any different way. (He had to shoot someone when he was a cop)
He got much better after that, so I guess if you do that with an actual professional, it would help even better.
So I guess for starters you really have to find out what triggers your depression/anxiety so you can act upon. Either avoid the trigger (example scared of dogs) or do a confrontation to learn deal with it (example if you are scared of riding the bus).
sorry for wall of text, I hope there is some useful stuff in it.
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RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Leela - 24-04-2012 02:52 PM