The Depression/Anxiety Thread
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31-10-2012, 10:39 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread
Love the thread.

My mental illness is what "saved" me. I was diagnosed Bipolar 20 years ago. I don't think my parents really took it seriously then, and although they do accept it more now, they still think that a relationship with God and Christ is right and can help me, when it was the most toxic thing for so many years for me simply because all religion does is feed off emotion and feelings. Well, if you're emotions and feelings are fucked up, the guilt and shame and fear of religion is similar to multiple, many, and frequent internal atomic explosions, as I'm sure many of you can attest. The sequitur here is by religion's own definition of how to come by truth it completely explodes into oblivion.

I was Mormon. And as you probably know, Mormons take their theology very seriously. Scripture study, daily family and personal prayers, Sunday meetings, meetings during the week, one class every other day out of school to study the scriptures, functions, events, baptisms for the dead, afterlife-themed funerals, temples, missions (all of my eight-person family went on one except my mother), repeat ad nauseum to generation after generation after generation. Those of you with anxiety and depression, can you imagine going door to door telling people about the "good news of the Gospel" and how wonderful God is and how he made your life happy and fulfilled when all you wanted to do was slit your wrists? It was excruciating. I've received countless blessings and prayers. My parents still put my name in the boxes of the temple for "special blessings". At Mormon temples, there are little pieces of papers next to boxes that you can write names down for people who need special blessings. They then take those names and place them on the altar and someone kneels at the altar and says a prayer while other members stand in a circle around the altar and repeat the words of the prayer. Never did me a damn bit of good.

I've been on medication relatively non-stop for over a decade. Twice I spent a week in psych wards. I had multiple suicide plans. 12 years ago, at the end of my rope, my then wife and I decided I should go through ECT, which I did. For those not familiar with it, ECT shocks your brain into a seizure that lasts about 90 seconds. That was in August 2000, and I have absolutely no memory of the remaining four months of that year. ECT works wonders for some people. I wasn't one of them. Even though it's been a very long and arduous journey, thanks to the wonders of science I finally found a medication (Lamictal) that really helped, lessened the swings, brought the poles in, and has made life livable, though not without its swings of depression and mania. This coupled with my walking a way, slowly, from the Mormon faith was the beginning of my journey here.

In the past three weeks, since stumbling upon a Youtube debate with Christopher Hitchens, then watching and listening to a bunch more, happening upon Seth's site, listening to podcasts, and ultimately accepting that God is a complete fabrication, the clarity that has ensued has been amazing. If there is no God, then my disorder makes absolute perfect sense. Just part of evolution. Wires crossed somewhere. There simply isn't a reason for it. No "test" I'm being put through. No loving creator giving me challenges to make me more humble to come to Him so those challenges can be turned into strengths. No divinely instigated added capacity to relate to others in suffering. None of it. Just the measly animal I am. Science has made my life livable, and throwing God to the flames of superstition has landed me on the firmest ground I've ever been on.

I'm new to these forums and have quickly found out that you people here rawk (the English teacher in me is foaming at the mouth), if I do say so myself, so thanks for the posts and the thoughts and the ideas and the consideration and the acceptance without condition. It's a great place to be.
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Messages In This Thread
The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Erxomai - 21-04-2012, 11:21 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Anjele - 21-04-2012, 03:02 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Leela - 24-04-2012, 02:52 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Anjele - 19-05-2012, 09:48 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Anjele - 19-05-2012, 10:09 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Leela - 21-05-2012, 04:41 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - bemore - 21-05-2012, 05:47 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - bemore - 21-05-2012, 06:02 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - bemore - 22-06-2012, 10:26 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Anjele - 01-07-2012, 09:51 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - bemore - 03-07-2012, 08:25 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - bemore - 10-07-2012, 10:11 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Leela - 08-07-2012, 04:39 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - bemore - 11-07-2012, 02:21 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Leela - 16-07-2012, 03:24 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Chas - 16-07-2012, 07:09 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Chas - 16-07-2012, 07:40 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - aurora - 16-07-2012, 07:41 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Leela - 17-07-2012, 02:26 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - aurora - 17-07-2012, 02:47 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - aurora - 16-07-2012, 10:42 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - ddrew - 17-07-2012, 02:07 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - aurora - 17-07-2012, 02:09 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Leela - 17-07-2012, 05:10 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Leela - 17-07-2012, 11:51 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Leela - 17-07-2012, 12:15 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Leela - 17-07-2012, 01:35 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Leela - 17-07-2012, 02:28 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - aurora - 17-07-2012, 07:06 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Anjele - 17-07-2012, 08:28 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - bemore - 17-07-2012, 09:20 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Chas - 18-07-2012, 08:54 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Filox - 18-07-2012, 04:41 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - bemore - 18-07-2012, 05:47 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Anjele - 18-07-2012, 06:17 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Leela - 18-07-2012, 08:17 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Anjele - 18-07-2012, 08:47 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Filox - 18-07-2012, 10:52 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Leela - 19-07-2012, 01:57 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Filox - 19-07-2012, 02:06 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Leela - 19-07-2012, 02:29 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Dom - 19-07-2012, 08:14 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Filox - 19-07-2012, 11:30 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Filox - 20-07-2012, 02:13 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Filox - 24-07-2012, 11:01 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Leela - 25-07-2012, 01:47 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Anjele - 25-07-2012, 05:59 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Jeff - 04-08-2012, 09:43 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Jeff - 05-08-2012, 06:02 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Chas - 07-08-2012, 03:19 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Jeff - 07-08-2012, 06:11 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Filox - 07-08-2012, 05:33 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Anjele - 31-08-2012, 01:02 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Dom - 01-10-2012, 10:33 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Anjele - 15-10-2012, 11:17 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Anjele - 15-10-2012, 11:34 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Chas - 15-10-2012, 04:50 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - aurora - 15-10-2012, 05:05 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Chas - 17-10-2012, 06:25 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Anjele - 15-10-2012, 05:36 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Anjele - 15-10-2012, 12:55 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Anjele - 15-10-2012, 09:55 PM
The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Erxomai - 15-10-2012, 09:58 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - aurora - 15-10-2012, 10:11 PM
The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Erxomai - 15-10-2012, 10:19 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - aurora - 15-10-2012, 10:41 PM
The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Erxomai - 15-10-2012, 11:13 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - aurora - 16-10-2012, 06:39 PM
The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Erxomai - 16-10-2012, 06:20 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Vera - 29-10-2012, 07:14 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - wrenekape - 31-10-2012 10:39 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - kpax - 01-11-2012, 01:41 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - kpax - 01-11-2012, 02:19 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Anjele - 01-11-2012, 11:56 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - aurora - 05-01-2013, 01:07 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Vera - 05-01-2013, 02:19 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - DLJ - 05-01-2013, 06:15 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Vera - 05-01-2013, 06:20 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Vera - 05-01-2013, 11:33 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Vera - 05-01-2013, 05:13 AM
The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Erxomai - 05-01-2013, 05:18 AM
The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Erxomai - 05-01-2013, 05:19 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Vera - 05-01-2013, 05:59 AM
The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Erxomai - 05-01-2013, 06:13 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - kim - 05-01-2013, 01:12 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Vera - 25-01-2013, 06:55 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Anjele - 26-02-2013, 10:29 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Chas - 04-03-2013, 05:33 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Anjele - 04-03-2013, 05:46 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Anjele - 04-03-2013, 09:30 PM
Re: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - fruit - 24-03-2013, 09:34 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Vera - 24-03-2013, 10:05 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Vera - 24-03-2013, 10:35 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Chaos - 07-04-2013, 02:58 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Chaos - 08-04-2013, 05:53 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Leo - 04-05-2014, 11:07 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - pablo - 12-08-2014, 11:32 PM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - phil.a - 14-08-2014, 08:13 AM
RE: The Depression/Anxiety Thread - Thanh - 15-08-2014, 08:39 AM
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