The Depression/Anxiety Thread

[Anjele]

Elesjei,

It sounds like your sisters understand and want to help. You parents don't want to help. I think moving with your sisters sounds like the best plan...at least you will be with people that care about you and seemingly understand the issues you deal with. They seem to have been able to work through those things to the extent that they are able to work, etc. Who better to help out?

Or you stay in the go-nowhere cycle you are in until something snaps...good or bad.

Let your sisters be there for you.

[wrenekape]

(01-11-2012 02:19 AM)kpax Wrote:  Thank you for your kind words.

I actually have a physical condition that produces similar symptoms to mild bipolar. (I grew up Mormon, too)

Everyone has something in their past. People like me and you had shitty hands dealt to us. But the choice to distance from those things and live a different life are always there.

So for me it was a matter of divorcing from the past and creating a new future. We don't have to be controlled by the things that have happened to us. We don't have to keep living the same old story.

I don't mean to say "just get over it". What I mean to say is that each person can look to whatever works for them, whatever that may be, for the sake of their own sanity.

For you it was science. For me it was positive thinking. For someone else it could be something different. The point is just to find something, anything to help move on, move forward and not dwell. We only have this one life....

Reading through your posts here it seems you are well on your way to finding your own path.

Agreed, and very well said.

[Elesjei]

(01-11-2012 11:56 AM)Anjele Wrote:  Elesjei,

It sounds like your sisters understand and want to help. You parents don't want to help. I think moving with your sisters sounds like the best plan...at least you will be with people that care about you and seemingly understand the issues you deal with. They seem to have been able to work through those things to the extent that they are able to work, etc. Who better to help out?

Or you stay in the go-nowhere cycle you are in until something snaps...good or bad.

Let your sisters be there for you.

That's basically my plan. I need to move out as soon as possible, so I am hoping that my sister can land an awesome job. She actually proposed the idea of having me stay with her while I got work, so if things go well for her, I may be able to leave.

[wrenekape]

(01-11-2012 10:46 AM)Elesjei Wrote:  They seem to support the idea of us three moving out together (we all have similar mental health issues), so that is a possibility. But the thing is, I don't want to depend on someone else - living on someone else's money, even temporarily, is a source of anxiety in itself.

I don't live in the past - I'd like to forget it and move on - but when the source of problems from the past in still there it is extremely difficult. Moving away is definitely the most effective way to decrease my symptoms dramatically (I can tell this just by the change in feeling when I am outside on a walk). So I know the problems can be dealt with. Just getting out is the hard thing.

Elesjei,

A couple of comments, if you don't mind. You have something that most depression/anxiety sufferers do not have but would pay in blood for: understanding. You articulated exactly what the problem is, what the cause is, and what the remedy is, all in a few lines. That's extremely impressive. I honestly wish I had half this understanding those many years I was struggling. So all in all I think you have a huge head start, and your understanding should not go unnoticed on yourself. Trust me, you're headed in the right direction.

Obviously, that doesn't change the status quo situationally and your (in)ability to affect any change, but I think Anjele has some wise words. If it's possible for you to move out with your sisters, do it. You three have a huge support system in each other. I understand that dependence on others is difficult. You feel like you can't do it yourself, like you're not pulling your weight, you're not taking responsibility, you're not good enough to do it on your own. These are all completely understandable (and understood) emotions. We all want to be master's of our own domains. However, the path to that goal is strewn with unpalatable realities, but ones that must be swallowed nonetheless. There's no shame in doing what you must to be who you need to be.

Kudos on having the capacity to understand your situation. Really, that's most of the battle right there, although presently it might feel like an empty victory, if even a victory at all.

Best of luck.

[GirlyMan]

(01-11-2012 01:27 AM)wrenekape Wrote:  Actually GirlyMan, you are correct. The initial diagnosis for me was Manic Depression back in 1993. I retroactively attached the current name. It was changed soon after that, or maybe it had been changed prior and just hadn't received a lot of traffic. "Bipolar" might be considered politically correct, but considering the stigma that has and still is associated with mental illness, I think the change in name has helped assuage the initial reluctance of the general public to entertain any engagement or discussion of the topic, but that's just my opinion.

That's a very good point and no doubt the impetus behind the diagnosis name change. But Manic Depression is a much more accurate and concise description, in my experience. I personally prefer Manic Depression but appreciate why the APA reinterpreted it for societal reasons.

(01-11-2012 01:41 AM)kpax Wrote:  I haven't had a chance to read through the thread yet but I just wanted to say that I have fought depression all my life.

I have faced a life of being abused physically and mentally, being neglected and being raped. My father wasn't there. My brother was ran over when he was 3. My mom doesn't tell me she loves me and criticizes me all my life. My step father was horrible.

Getting past it all was hard but it's possible. It's all about making the choice to focus on the positive things in life and not let the feelings overcome you. It's not always easy but it is a choice.

You can choose to be a victim or you can choose to be a survivor. The difference is one who dwells in it and the other who fights past it.

I choose to be a survivor.

Goddam ... you not just sumo, you yokozuna ... don't think I'd wanna face you in the dohyō. I trust you ain't being abused no more.

(01-11-2012 02:19 AM)kpax Wrote:  Thank you for your kind words.

I actually have a physical condition that produces similar symptoms to mild bipolar. (I grew up Mormon, too)

Everyone has something in their past. People like me and you had shitty hands dealt to us. But the choice to distance from those things and live a different life are always there.

So for me it was a matter of divorcing from the past and creating a new future. We don't have to be controlled by the things that have happened to us. We don't have to keep living the same old story.

I don't mean to say "just get over it". What I mean to say is that each person can look to whatever works for them, whatever that may be, for the sake of their own sanity.

For you it was science. For me it was positive thinking. For someone else it could be something different. The point is just to find something, anything to help move on, move forward and not dwell. We only have this one life....

Reading through your posts here it seems you are well on your way to finding your own path.

Hallucinogens and other psychotropics worked for me ... ... or maybe not.

(01-11-2012 02:19 AM)kpax Wrote:  I actually have a physical condition that produces similar symptoms to mild bipolar.

What's that called?

[smidgen]

(01-11-2012 01:07 AM)GirlyMan Wrote:  

(31-10-2012 10:39 PM)wrenekape Wrote:  Love the thread.

My mental illness is what "saved" me. I was diagnosed Bipolar 20 years ago.

35 years ago now for me, and we didn't have the PC Bipolar shit then, it was manic depression, it's a frustrating mess.. Lithium was interesting, it's a good dampening agent. ... which makes it boring as all fuck.

A small dose of lithium does me good. A higher dose makes the room spin, makes me walk into walls and all kinds of fun stuff.
I'm 47 and I had been depressed and suicidal since I was a teen. I did not get help till after the age of 40 when my ex found me sitting on the bedroom floor with a loaded semi automaitic hand gun in my hand. Yeah, that was a nice trip to the nut house. And after being in and out of the nut house about a dozen times I finally got a diag of bi polar and some good meds that really help me a lot. Then I started hiking and made a complete 180 and have never been more happy in my life. I think it's what finally helped me to come out of my atheist closet and has given me a I don't give a shit attitude. Or like I tell people if you don't like me you can kiss my little white ass. lol

[smidgen]

(01-11-2012 01:41 AM)kpax Wrote:  I haven't had a chance to read through the thread yet but I just wanted to say that I have fought depression all my life.

I have faced a life of being abused physically and mentally, being neglected and being raped. My father wasn't there. My brother was ran over when he was 3. My mom doesn't tell me she loves me and criticizes me all my life. My step father was horrible.

Getting past it all was hard but it's possible. It's all about making the choice to focus on the positive things in life and not let the feelings overcome you. It's not always easy but it is a choice.

You can choose to be a victim or you can choose to be a survivor. The difference is one who dwells in it and the other who fights past it.

I choose to be a survivor.

I do to. Very inspiring story.

[smidgen]

(22-10-2012 10:08 PM)Erxomai Wrote:  This is what it's like:

Been there done that with some on my ex's. Total emotional abuse. It did not help the depression one bit.

[Erxomai]

So it turns out that Depression isn't enough for me to have so my new shrink decided I have "Double Depression," which is Major Depression Recurrent with Dysthymia. Sounds like an army dude with a bad case of the runs.

[smidgen]

(04-01-2013 09:11 PM)Erxomai Wrote:  So it turns out that Depression isn't enough for me to have so my new shrink decided I have "Double Depression," which is Major Depression Recurrent with Dysthymia. Sounds like an army dude with a bad case of the runs.

LOL At least you still have your sense of humor. I can't say that I have ever heard of that diag. before. Damn. Dysthymia, never heard that word before. What does it mean.