The Fart Thread
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14-12-2016, 10:35 PM
RE: The Fart Thread



Insufferable know-it-all.Einstein God has a plan for us. Please stop screwing it up with your prayers.
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14-12-2016, 10:44 PM
RE: The Fart Thread
Happy Holidays, everyone!




"IN THRUST WE TRUST"

"We were conservative Jews and that meant we obeyed God's Commandments until His rules became a royal pain in the ass."

- Joel Chastnoff, The 188th Crybaby Brigade
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14-12-2016, 10:47 PM
RE: The Fart Thread
(14-12-2016 10:35 PM)Bucky Ball Wrote:  


Bucky, that's the greatest thing I've ever seen.....er... um.....heard. I always knew preachers were big assholes. Now we have the evidence. I'd like to give you the biggest thumbs up ever! Big Grin

[Image: IMGP0426.JPG]

Shakespeare's Comedy of Errors.... on Donald J. Trump:

He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere,
Ill-fac’d, worse bodied, shapeless every where;
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind,
Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
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14-12-2016, 10:50 PM
RE: The Fart Thread
(14-12-2016 10:47 PM)dancefortwo Wrote:  
(14-12-2016 10:35 PM)Bucky Ball Wrote:  


Bucky, that's the greatest thing I've ever seen.....er... um.....heard. I always knew preachers were big assholes. Now we have the evidence. I'd like to give you the biggest thumbs up ever! Big Grin

[Image: IMGP0426.JPG]

I laughed so hard I farted!

"IN THRUST WE TRUST"

"We were conservative Jews and that meant we obeyed God's Commandments until His rules became a royal pain in the ass."

- Joel Chastnoff, The 188th Crybaby Brigade
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14-12-2016, 10:51 PM
RE: The Fart Thread
(14-12-2016 10:47 PM)dancefortwo Wrote:  
(14-12-2016 10:35 PM)Bucky Ball Wrote:  


Bucky, that's the greatest thing I've ever seen.....er... um.....heard. I always knew preachers were big assholes. Now we have the evidence. I'd like to give you the biggest thumbs up ever! Big Grin

[Image: IMGP0426.JPG]

If I play one of those my brother laughs so hard, tears stream down his face.
I almost forgot about them.
Tongue

Insufferable know-it-all.Einstein God has a plan for us. Please stop screwing it up with your prayers.
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14-12-2016, 10:53 PM
RE: The Fart Thread
(14-12-2016 10:50 PM)Carlo_The_Bugsmasher_Driver Wrote:  
(14-12-2016 10:47 PM)dancefortwo Wrote:  Bucky, that's the greatest thing I've ever seen.....er... um.....heard. I always knew preachers were big assholes. Now we have the evidence. I'd like to give you the biggest thumbs up ever! Big Grin

[Image: IMGP0426.JPG]

I laughed so hard I farted!

Why do men fart so much more than women? Is ours silent but deadly or something? I donno. It's a mystery.

I had a friend who had to open the bedroom window at night because her husband farted in his sleep all night long. Blink

Shakespeare's Comedy of Errors.... on Donald J. Trump:

He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere,
Ill-fac’d, worse bodied, shapeless every where;
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind,
Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
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14-12-2016, 11:04 PM
RE: The Fart Thread
(14-12-2016 10:53 PM)dancefortwo Wrote:  
(14-12-2016 10:50 PM)Carlo_The_Bugsmasher_Driver Wrote:  I laughed so hard I farted!

Why do men fart so much more than women? Is ours silent but deadly or something? I donno. It's a mystery.

I had a friend who had to open the bedroom window at night because her husband farted in his sleep all night long. Blink

Adam and Jamie to the rescue!




"IN THRUST WE TRUST"

"We were conservative Jews and that meant we obeyed God's Commandments until His rules became a royal pain in the ass."

- Joel Chastnoff, The 188th Crybaby Brigade
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15-12-2016, 01:35 AM
RE: The Fart Thread
Waiting at roadworks traffic control works on my motorbike combination I had the strong need for a fart.

Thinking the racket of the pneumatic drills, three of them, would cover the sound I lifted my ass and let rip with a real snorter. . . half a second after all three drills stopped simultaneously and near silence (apart from my emission) reigned.

I was the centre of attention for the nearby pedestrians for a few seconds. Revved the bike but it was not convincing!

Tomorrow is precious, don't ruin it by fouling up today.
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15-12-2016, 11:19 AM
RE: The Fart Thread
And for you short story lovers:

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love.

When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, "She'll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this" so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Shortly after that they were married.

A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he phoned his wife and told her that he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him.

Since he still had several miles to walk he thought he would walk off any ill effects before he got home. So he went in and ordered three extra large helpings of beans. All the way home he farted. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe.

His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!" She put a blindfold on him and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek. At this point he was beginning to feel another fart coming on. Just as his wife was about to remove the blindfold, the phone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned and went to answer the phone.

While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better when another urge came on.

He raised his leg and rriiipppp! It sounded like a diesel engine revving and smelled worse. To keep himself from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight to his other leg and let go. This was a real blue ribbon winner; the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead. While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next 10 minutes, farting and then fanning each time with his napkin.

When he heard the phone farewells (indicating the end of his loneliness and freedom) he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologising for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed the blindfold and yelled "SURPRISE!"

To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table. As wonderful as this tale is, it's clearly more fiction than truth. Even blindfolded, the fellow would have been sure to pick up on the presence of twelve dinner guests; people do shift around in their seats, after all.

"IN THRUST WE TRUST"

"We were conservative Jews and that meant we obeyed God's Commandments until His rules became a royal pain in the ass."

- Joel Chastnoff, The 188th Crybaby Brigade
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15-12-2016, 11:30 AM
RE: The Fart Thread
(14-12-2016 11:04 PM)Carlo_The_Bugsmasher_Driver Wrote:  
(14-12-2016 10:53 PM)dancefortwo Wrote:  Why do men fart so much more than women? Is ours silent but deadly or something? I donno. It's a mystery.

I had a friend who had to open the bedroom window at night because her husband farted in his sleep all night long. Blink

Adam and Jamie to the rescue!




I think women have greater control over their sphincter muscle because of giving birth. I don't have any evidence of this but I think this might be the case. My husband has no control whatsoever. He just lets it rip. I can really control everything down there.


Sigh...I can't believe I'm actually writing what I'm writing. Rolleyes

Shakespeare's Comedy of Errors.... on Donald J. Trump:

He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere,
Ill-fac’d, worse bodied, shapeless every where;
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind,
Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
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