The Fart Thread
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15-12-2016, 11:44 AM
RE: The Fart Thread
Bob was attending a small party at Tom's house and Tom had a dog, Rover. After awhile, Bob was having a problem with gas. He was standing next to Rover and thought, "Maybe if I can slip out a fart silently, they'll think the dog did it". So Bob let one out slowly and it was silent. After a couple of seconds Tom said "Rover!" Bob thought, "Oh good, it's working" and he let another one out. Tom said "Rover!" Bob chuckled to himself, waited a minute, and then let a third one out. Tom said, "Rover! Get away from Bob before those putrid farts make you sick!"

@DonaldTrump, Patriotism is not honoring your flag no matter what your country/leader does. It's doing whatever it takes to make your country the best it can be as long as its not violent.
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15-12-2016, 11:50 AM
RE: The Fart Thread
(15-12-2016 11:30 AM)dancefortwo Wrote:  
(14-12-2016 11:04 PM)Carlo_The_Bugsmasher_Driver Wrote:  Adam and Jamie to the rescue!




I think women have greater control over their sphincter muscle because of giving birth. I don't have any evidence of this but I think this might be the case. My husband has no control whatsoever. He just lets it rip. I can really control everything down there.


Sigh...I can't believe I'm actually writing what I'm writing. Rolleyes


Nope.....

Men just don't share the aversion.

In fact - when it's just men in the room --- they brag, and try to out-do each other --- and rate each other's loudness, duration, and "hang time"....

Tongue

.......................................

The difference between prayer and masturbation - is when a guy is through masturbating - he has something to show for his efforts.
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15-12-2016, 11:56 AM
RE: The Fart Thread
But it does happen - even to the best of 'em!




"IN THRUST WE TRUST"

"We were conservative Jews and that meant we obeyed God's Commandments until His rules became a royal pain in the ass."

- Joel Chastnoff, The 188th Crybaby Brigade
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15-12-2016, 02:12 PM
RE: The Fart Thread
(15-12-2016 11:50 AM)onlinebiker Wrote:  
(15-12-2016 11:30 AM)dancefortwo Wrote:  I think women have greater control over their sphincter muscle because of giving birth. I don't have any evidence of this but I think this might be the case. My husband has no control whatsoever. He just lets it rip. I can really control everything down there.


Sigh...I can't believe I'm actually writing what I'm writing. Rolleyes


Nope.....

Men just don't share the aversion.

In fact - when it's just men in the room --- they brag, and try to out-do each other --- and rate each other's loudness, duration, and "hang time"....

Tongue

Oh dear. Facepalm



Yeah but how do men make it happen? I mean, if there's no gas in the lower bowels how do they just willfully fart? I can't do that.

Still can't believe I'm typing and discussing this topic. Rolleyes

Shakespeare's Comedy of Errors.... on Donald J. Trump:

He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere,
Ill-fac’d, worse bodied, shapeless every where;
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind,
Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
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15-12-2016, 02:16 PM
RE: The Fart Thread
(15-12-2016 02:12 PM)dancefortwo Wrote:  
(15-12-2016 11:50 AM)onlinebiker Wrote:  Nope.....

Men just don't share the aversion.

In fact - when it's just men in the room --- they brag, and try to out-do each other --- and rate each other's loudness, duration, and "hang time"....

Tongue

Oh dear. Facepalm



Yeah but how do men make it happen? I mean, if there's no gas in the lower bowels how do they just willfully fart? I can't do that.

Still can't believe I'm typing and discussing this topic. Rolleyes

It will come if you allow it to. Don't force it just 'be the fart'. Big Grin
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15-12-2016, 05:36 PM
RE: The Fart Thread
(15-12-2016 02:16 PM)pablo Wrote:  
(15-12-2016 02:12 PM)dancefortwo Wrote:  Oh dear. Facepalm



Yeah but how do men make it happen? I mean, if there's no gas in the lower bowels how do they just willfully fart? I can't do that.

Still can't believe I'm typing and discussing this topic. Rolleyes

It will come if you allow it to. Don't force it just 'be the fart'. Big Grin
The best thread ever! Thanks OP . I fart several times a day and and crap atleast once per day.Thumbsup

Religion is bullshit. The winner of the last person to post wins thread.Yes
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15-12-2016, 05:38 PM
RE: The Fart Thread
(15-12-2016 02:12 PM)dancefortwo Wrote:  
(15-12-2016 11:50 AM)onlinebiker Wrote:  Nope.....

Men just don't share the aversion.

In fact - when it's just men in the room --- they brag, and try to out-do each other --- and rate each other's loudness, duration, and "hang time"....

Tongue

Oh dear. Facepalm



Yeah but how do men make it happen? I mean, if there's no gas in the lower bowels how do they just willfully fart? I can't do that.

Still can't believe I'm typing and discussing this topic. Rolleyes


The real difference -- is men don't talk as much as women.

It's a simple matter of back-pressure....

Smile

[/duck]

.......................................

The difference between prayer and masturbation - is when a guy is through masturbating - he has something to show for his efforts.
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15-12-2016, 07:25 PM
RE: The Fart Thread
FOODS THAT MAKE YOU FART: YOUR COMPLETE GUIDE TO SELF MANUFACTURE OF CHEMICAL WEAPONRY.

1. Cruciferous Vegetables Certain vegetables are tougher than others to digest, which means they stay in your system longer, leading to gas. These include asparagus, broccoli, Brussels sprouts and cabbage. Sometimes foods like peas can cause bloating, too.

2. Fruits with Sorbitol Sorbitol is a type of sugar that wrecks havoc with some people. Foods that contain sorbitol include plums, apples, peaches and pears. Some sugarless gums also have sorbitol in them.

3. Oat Bran Oats are great for your diet, but not so hot for your intestines. Many people who suffer from flatulence and bloating after eating oats will simply reduce the amount they eat, so they still get the good fiber without the pain.

4. Beans This classic gas-producer has high raffinose content, which is tough for the body to digest. It also has a lot of soluble fiber. Avoiding gas from beans can be almost impossible, so you might want to try medications when you reach for those pintos or navy beans.

5. Fizzy Drinks For some, carbonation in drinks goes right to their intestine and seems to blow it up like a balloon. The acid and fructose contribute to the problem. To avoid this, look for natural drinks, such as pineapple or orange juice.

6. Corn Syrup with High Fructose This is a kind of sweetener that can cause problems. Unfortunately this is found in a wide variety of foods such as candy bars, breads, breakfast cereals, cookies and cakes, meaning that almost anything can become foods that make you fart. The good news is that most homemade cooking doesn’t contain the sweetener.

7. Meat Protein-rich foods sit in your stomach for a longer period of time, which allows sugars and bacteria to build up. This can lead to bloating and gas. Always chew your food very well and eat red meat and other proteins in small portions.

8. Dairy Products The lactose in milk can lead to serious flatulence and even severe pain for those who are allergic to it. Buttermilk, cream cheese, heavy cream and ice cream are a few of the major culprits you might want to avoid.

"IN THRUST WE TRUST"

"We were conservative Jews and that meant we obeyed God's Commandments until His rules became a royal pain in the ass."

- Joel Chastnoff, The 188th Crybaby Brigade
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18-12-2016, 07:51 PM
RE: The Fart Thread
The FBI has put up a $50,000 reward for information leading to the capture of Hous Bin Faherteen, a terrorist and criminal mastermind known to strike at Mexican food restaurants and bean canneries. He is described as a silent but deadly killer.

"IN THRUST WE TRUST"

"We were conservative Jews and that meant we obeyed God's Commandments until His rules became a royal pain in the ass."

- Joel Chastnoff, The 188th Crybaby Brigade
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18-12-2016, 09:45 PM
RE: The Fart Thread
(18-12-2016 07:51 PM)Carlo_The_Bugsmasher_Driver Wrote:  The FBI has put up a $50,000 reward for information leading to the capture of Hous Bin Faherteen, a terrorist and criminal mastermind known to strike at Mexican food restaurants and bean canneries. He is described as a silent but deadly killer.

The FBI should raid the hous of
http://www.amazon.com/Everybody-Farts-Fa...B0095LJ4JI

Insufferable know-it-all.Einstein God has a plan for us. Please stop screwing it up with your prayers.
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