The Latheist and midlife crisis
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25-09-2013, 07:20 PM (This post was last modified: 25-09-2013 10:25 PM by kingschosen.)
The Latheist and midlife crisis
I am 42 years old. I have a fine arts diploma, a BFA, a BEd and am currently working on a diploma in Visual Communications. I have no job, but was recently a high school teacher for several years. I am a husband of 12 years and father to two beautiful girls aged 7 and 5. I am currently in roughly year two of severe depression and anxiety due to the recognition and acknowledgement of my failures as a human within the tiny expanse of my pathetic and insignificant existence as a spec of dust in the incomprehensible vastness of the universe(s). I have always fought (mostly subconsciously) against conformity and domesticity and against the wonderful security and simple pleasures that come with it, growing bored and self-destructive in the process. My shrink thinks I hate myself because I am never satisfied with the state I’m in, constantly in flux with my understanding of place and self, unrelenting in a battle against a meaningless existence, unable to comprehend what that means. I fear death because I don't believe in God and am terrified at the idea of nothingness. I envy those who have found God as I long for security in the choices I make, I long for faith in something. I always want more and when satiated, I destroy then move on past the rubble. I’m a cliché and I know/perpetuate it.

The latheist
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26-09-2013, 11:49 AM
RE: The Latheist and midlife crisis
Welcome to the forum !
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26-09-2013, 12:19 PM
RE: The Latheist and midlife crisis
(25-09-2013 07:20 PM)The Latheist Wrote:  I am 42 years old. I have a fine arts diploma, a BFA, a BEd and am currently working on a diploma in Visual Communications. I have no job, but was recently a high school teacher for several years. I am a husband of 12 years and father to two beautiful girls aged 7 and 5. I am currently in roughly year two of severe depression and anxiety due to the recognition and acknowledgement of my failures as a human within the tiny expanse of my pathetic and insignificant existence as a spec of dust in the incomprehensible vastness of the universe(s). I have always fought (mostly subconsciously) against conformity and domesticity and against the wonderful security and simple pleasures that come with it, growing bored and self-destructive in the process. My shrink thinks I hate myself because I am never satisfied with the state I’m in, constantly in flux with my understanding of place and self, unrelenting in a battle against a meaningless existence, unable to comprehend what that means. I fear death because I don't believe in God and am terrified at the idea of nothingness. I envy those who have found God as I long for security in the choices I make, I long for faith in something. I always want more and when satiated, I destroy then move on past the rubble. I’m a cliché and I know/perpetuate it.

The latheist

Welcome to the forum, TL.

Know that you're not alone in this type of loop.

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27-09-2013, 12:39 AM
RE: The Latheist and midlife crisis
Welcome to the forum, you! Don't let it get you down. Nothingness didn't bother you in the least before you existed, and it won't bother you after you've shuffled off the mortal coil either. Are you significant compared to the enormity of the universe. Yup. Just like everyone, and everything else. Yet without all these miniscule insignificant things, all humans included, there would be nothing. You've got a very limited time to experience anything. Don't waste it by lamenting what you can't have. Drink it all in whilst you can.

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