The Official Crying Thread
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14-10-2015, 09:19 AM
RE: The Official Crying Thread
(13-10-2015 06:44 PM)Escape Artist Wrote:  Having a hard time again tonight. I move into the apartment this Saturday (unless something goes wrong)

Stop that!

Quote:and I can't help but think of how he would have helped me move. Even though he didn't want me living in town, he would have helped me. I know he would have. Sad

I know it's hard, Hug


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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14-10-2015, 09:30 AM
RE: The Official Crying Thread
(09-10-2015 05:09 PM)Escape Artist Wrote:  Why did this have to happen now? This should be an exciting time, and it still is, if I can block out thoughts of my dad long enough. I am finally going to get to be with my boyfriend after a nearly two-year-long long distance relationship and yet... Sad

I hate it. I want to go back to feeling numb and shocked like in the first few days after his death. Now I just feel tired and depressed. I cried at work yesterday because I was overwhelmed with this feeling of all of us being on this bus, and it's like dad fell off and I just want the bus to stop for a second so he can get back on, but it won't stop. People are moving on with the business of life and I have to as well, but it doesn't seem right that it can just go on without him. Doesn't anyone care that he's gone and that it's just not right?

When I was little, and we were in town or wherever, dad would hold out his pinky to me and I was to hold onto it as we walked, so I wouldn't wander off. His hands were so big (or more likely, mine were so small at the time) that I could wrap my whole hand around his finger. I knew so long as I held on tight, nothing bad would happen. I felt safe. And now I feel so lost. How can I not have a dad anymore? I don't understand it. How can he not be there for me to turn to when I need him? I am a stubborn fuck and were he here I would do my damndest to do things all on my own without anyone's help, but I always knew he was there if I truly did need him. I feel like I am reaching out to grab tight to his finger again and now there's nothing there.

I wish I had an answer to that question too, EA. I really wish I could give you an answer. But, I don't know that there is an answer. It just is.

I know how you feel. Its been a few months already, but it still feels fresh. Like I got the news just yesterday. I still have random thoughts like "I should ask dad about this" when I need something for my house or need help fixing something.

Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense. You're just not keeping up.

"Let me give you some advice, bastard: never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you." - Tyrion Lannister
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14-10-2015, 11:01 AM
RE: The Official Crying Thread
(13-10-2015 06:44 PM)Escape Artist Wrote:  Having a hard time again tonight. I move into the apartment this Saturday (unless something goes wrong) and I can't help but think of how he would have helped me move. Even though he didn't want me living in town, he would have helped me. I know he would have. Sad
Although I don't know you I wish I could crawl through the internet and give you a hug. My best friend killed himself in July of this year and I was a wreck but I'm working through it. Although there are no rules regarding grief and bereavement try not to let it consume you ( not easy I know)
Hug
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14-10-2015, 11:28 AM
RE: The Official Crying Thread
(13-10-2015 06:44 PM)Escape Artist Wrote:  Having a hard time again tonight. I move into the apartment this Saturday (unless something goes wrong)
No. Just no. I don't think you'll jinx yourself, but you're worried and for good reason. As a chronic worrier I know.

Just assume something might go wrong. If you don't it'll sneak up on you. But just look at it this way: The goal will make it worth it.

Keep that in mind. Apartment and Revs. Make it your mantra.
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14-10-2015, 09:22 PM
RE: The Official Crying Thread
Thanks, everybody. My best friend called me tonight and we talked for about an hour. She said not to lose sight of the good things going on, and to try and focus on that. It is not always easy. Especially when just about everything makes me think of my dad. Hell, someone mentioned chocolate donuts today and it made me think of him. Undecided

For now there are just so many things going on (lost my dad, we are having a record year at work with fewer people in my department so we're working long hours, moving me and the kids into the apartment, moving Rev into the apartment, etc.) that it's all very overwhelming. I'm sure that with each thing I can tick off my list that it'll get better. Like, this weekend, I'll be able to check off moving me and the kids into the apartment and then the weekend after that, can check off picking up Rev from the airport and getting him moved in.

I don't want grief to consume me, but it is difficult to keep it at bay. I am hoping once Rev gets here, it'll be a little easier.

On another note, I am feeling stuck in a way that is hard to explain. If I'm in a good mood and things are going well, I feel guilty about not thinking of dad, of not actively grieving him. But when I'm all down in the dumps about losing dad, then I feel guilty because I am not enjoying these happy upcoming events for both me and Rev. So I feel kind of... Hobo

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14-10-2015, 09:41 PM
RE: The Official Crying Thread
(14-10-2015 09:22 PM)Escape Artist Wrote:  Thanks, everybody. My best friend called me tonight and we talked for about an hour. She said not to lose sight of the good things going on, and to try and focus on that. It is not always easy. Especially when just about everything makes me think of my dad. Hell, someone mentioned chocolate donuts today and it made me think of him. Undecided

For now there are just so many things going on (lost my dad, we are having a record year at work with fewer people in my department so we're working long hours, moving me and the kids into the apartment, moving Rev into the apartment, etc.) that it's all very overwhelming. I'm sure that with each thing I can tick off my list that it'll get better. Like, this weekend, I'll be able to check off moving me and the kids into the apartment and then the weekend after that, can check off picking up Rev from the airport and getting him moved in.

I don't want grief to consume me, but it is difficult to keep it at bay. I am hoping once Rev gets here, it'll be a little easier.

On another note, I am feeling stuck in a way that is hard to explain. If I'm in a good mood and things are going well, I feel guilty about not thinking of dad, of not actively grieving him. But when I'm all down in the dumps about losing dad, then I feel guilty because I am not enjoying these happy upcoming events for both me and Rev. So I feel kind of... Hobo

Hug Heart

I can't wait for this. Blush


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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15-10-2015, 01:22 PM
RE: The Official Crying Thread
I hate the way people look at me now. I understand their feelings of impotence to help me through this, but I wish it didn't show so much. People that used to smile when I showed up now get a look of pity and sorrow, which makes me feel pitiful and sad.

Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense. You're just not keeping up.

"Let me give you some advice, bastard: never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you." - Tyrion Lannister
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15-10-2015, 07:14 PM
RE: The Official Crying Thread
(15-10-2015 01:22 PM)itsnotmeitsyou Wrote:  I hate the way people look at me now. I understand their feelings of impotence to help me through this, but I wish it didn't show so much. People that used to smile when I showed up now get a look of pity and sorrow, which makes me feel pitiful and sad.

Hug
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21-10-2015, 07:08 PM
RE: The Official Crying Thread
I closed the baby name thread. It was just supposed to be something fun. I was sooo excited for them.

Just got a call that they lost the baby.

I can't imagine going that far, feeling everything and suddenly being told, it's gone.

And she still has to deliver it.


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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21-10-2015, 07:12 PM
RE: The Official Crying Thread
(21-10-2015 07:08 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  I closed the baby name thread. It was just supposed to be something fun. I was sooo excited for them.

Just got a call that they lost the baby.

I can't imagine going that far, feeling everything and suddenly being told, it's gone.

And she still has to deliver it.

[img][Image: bearhug2_zps41926f06.jpg][/img]

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

We're all mad here. The Cheshire Cat
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