The Official Crying Thread
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22-07-2015, 01:15 PM
RE: The Official Crying Thread
One of my good friends has a roommate. Sherrif came to their door and said he died.

She doesn't know how to tell her son (he's 5).


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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22-07-2015, 01:19 PM
RE: The Official Crying Thread
(22-07-2015 09:56 AM)Nurse Wrote:  Nine years today. It's raining - matches my mood. It rained then, too.

Actually, it stormed so hard it knocked the power out at my hairdresser's place, so we moved getting my hair done to my aunt's house. I was late getting to the church because of it. And then the A/C wasn't on in the bride's room, so I nearly fainted from overheating. Apparently the wedding coordinator didn't ensure the A/C was on in the gym, either, so all of my beautiful roses died - the roses actually used in the wedding ended up coming from Walmart and I was only able to have one smaller flower arrangement at the front of the church.

The icing was pink like I requested - and the cake was supposed to be strawberry. I hate white cake. It was fucking white cake that I could tell had been frozen. I should have made the damn cake myself with my grandmother - I almost did - first time I helped make and decorate a wedding cake I was only 12. And I didn't get to have any of the groom's cake - it was a cheesecake. I did make the punch - of course it was fantastic.

After the first dance, and dances with bride/dad, and groom/mom, we didn't get to dance because some lady grabbed me by my veil and I got pulled into a sea of meet and greet hell. And we didn't get to eat - we had barbecue chicken, beef tenderloin, crawfish, chicken gumbo, sweet potato fries, fruit, etc - everyone says it was the best food they'd ever had at a wedding - I wouldn't fucking know.

When we finally got to our hotel late that night, the man that brought our bags up wanted to say a five minute prayer for us newlyweds while gripping my hand so hard my new wedding band caused my hand to bleed, and we just wanted him to get the fuck out of our room.


Despite all the things that didn't go quite right that day, I was so happy. We both were. I meant every word of my vows. With all that I have, all that I am...Good times and bad... There was a hell of a lot more bad than good. I needed him to fight for us, not give up.


I'm so mad at him. Why can't this be at least a little more difficult for him? I don't usually wish for others to suffer...but goddamn. Was I that meaningless?

I'm going out with a friend tonight. She's going to take my cellphone so I don't make any drunk phone calls/texts/Facebook posts that say something like "Happy Anniversary, dearest husband! Tell your girlfriend I said hello, or to eat shit and die - whatever works. Nine years - wish I could say they were all great. They weren't."

And now, now I'm terrified that it's always going to be like this. Worried that if I ever find someone again that does actually love me, that eventually he'll give up, too. And then I'll find myself right back here, wondering why I wasn't worth fighting for.
*Big hug*
To me it seems not to be a matter of you being meaningless. It rather seems to me that he have had longer time to settling in to the thought of not loving you. From my experience stuff like this don't hit like lightning. It takes time and suddenly you realize something is missing. Now for the other part it does hit like lightning and in this case it was you who was hit.

If there is one thing I'd hope for you to do. It would be to not give in to the anger. It's fine in the beginning it's part of the process you seem to go through. But also I hope that you understand that your son do love his dad and he is bound to pick up on the anger if it goes on for ages. If nothing else then remember that your son is a product of a love that once were. But I also know it takes two to make it work so if you keep hitting a well it's going to be tough.

For now, be angry, be sad, and keep venting. We are here for you.

*More hugs*
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22-07-2015, 01:23 PM
RE: The Official Crying Thread
(22-07-2015 01:15 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  One of my good friends has a roommate. Sherrif came to their door and said he died.

She doesn't know how to tell her son (he's 5).

That's heartbreaking Moms. Hug
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22-07-2015, 01:57 PM
RE: The Official Crying Thread
It can be a lonely road, Nurse. Sad

You might enjoy "Confessions of a Lonely Atheist" by Natalie Angiers, originally published in the NYT. It's very old, now, but she talks about why it's worthwhile to walk this road, and might help give you some comfort, when surrounded by religious loonies... especially ones you love. Hope it helps you. And I hope it helps you to know that many of us are in the same boat.

http://partners.nytimes.com/library/maga...heism.html

"Theology made no provision for evolution. The biblical authors had missed the most important revelation of all! Could it be that they were not really privy to the thoughts of God?" - E. O. Wilson
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22-07-2015, 01:58 PM
RE: The Official Crying Thread
MomSBB - Oh no! Sad

Hug

"Theology made no provision for evolution. The biblical authors had missed the most important revelation of all! Could it be that they were not really privy to the thoughts of God?" - E. O. Wilson
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22-07-2015, 02:33 PM
RE: The Official Crying Thread
(22-07-2015 01:23 PM)pablo Wrote:  
(22-07-2015 01:15 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  One of my good friends has a roommate. Sherrif came to their door and said he died.

She doesn't know how to tell her son (he's 5).

That's heartbreaking Moms. Hug

I know, he was young too. Sad

She sent her son to stay with a friend, her husband isn't going to work (they were best friends). I don't know what she'll tell him. She had to call his family and inform everyone too.

Very hard.


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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22-07-2015, 03:16 PM
RE: The Official Crying Thread
So sorry to hear, Moms Hug
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22-07-2015, 04:02 PM
RE: The Official Crying Thread
You tell them the truth in simple terms. Make it a conversation. Ask them what it means when somebody dies. Ensure they know daddy isn't coming home and isn't waking up. Let them know they will have a chance to say goodbye at the funeral.

And enroll the child in counseling. My brother was 2 weeks away from turning 5 when our dad died. Included in the conversations about his death as I grew up was that he was looking over me with the Angels and that it didn't hurt. As a teen I learned how gruesome it really was and that he was very likely aware he was dying at that it was very much painful and not instantaneous. And now as an adult I'm dealing with the understanding that there is no heaven, there are no Angels, and I will never see him again. False hope is quite the mindfuck.

Biggest thing is don't lie - they don't need all the gory details, but if they ask f it hurts and it was a painful death, tell them yes. Kids grieve, too. And they're very perceptive.

"If there's a single thing that life teaches us, it's that wishing doesn't make it so." - Lev Grossman
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22-07-2015, 04:02 PM
RE: The Official Crying Thread
(22-07-2015 09:56 AM)Nurse Wrote:  Nine years today. It's raining - matches my mood. It rained then, too.

Actually, it stormed so hard it knocked the power out at my hairdresser's place, so we moved getting my hair done to my aunt's house. I was late getting to the church because of it. And then the A/C wasn't on in the bride's room, so I nearly fainted from overheating. Apparently the wedding coordinator didn't ensure the A/C was on in the gym, either, so all of my beautiful roses died - the roses actually used in the wedding ended up coming from Walmart and I was only able to have one smaller flower arrangement at the front of the church.

The icing was pink like I requested - and the cake was supposed to be strawberry. I hate white cake. It was fucking white cake that I could tell had been frozen. I should have made the damn cake myself with my grandmother - I almost did - first time I helped make and decorate a wedding cake I was only 12. And I didn't get to have any of the groom's cake - it was a cheesecake. I did make the punch - of course it was fantastic.

After the first dance, and dances with bride/dad, and groom/mom, we didn't get to dance because some lady grabbed me by my veil and I got pulled into a sea of meet and greet hell. And we didn't get to eat - we had barbecue chicken, beef tenderloin, crawfish, chicken gumbo, sweet potato fries, fruit, etc - everyone says it was the best food they'd ever had at a wedding - I wouldn't fucking know.

When we finally got to our hotel late that night, the man that brought our bags up wanted to say a five minute prayer for us newlyweds while gripping my hand so hard my new wedding band caused my hand to bleed, and we just wanted him to get the fuck out of our room.


Despite all the things that didn't go quite right that day, I was so happy. We both were. I meant every word of my vows. With all that I have, all that I am...Good times and bad... There was a hell of a lot more bad than good. I needed him to fight for us, not give up.


I'm so mad at him. Why can't this be at least a little more difficult for him? I don't usually wish for others to suffer...but goddamn. Was I that meaningless?

I'm going out with a friend tonight. She's going to take my cellphone so I don't make any drunk phone calls/texts/Facebook posts that say something like "Happy Anniversary, dearest husband! Tell your girlfriend I said hello, or to eat shit and die - whatever works. Nine years - wish I could say they were all great. They weren't."

And now, now I'm terrified that it's always going to be like this. Worried that if I ever find someone again that does actually love me, that eventually he'll give up, too. And then I'll find myself right back here, wondering why I wasn't worth fighting for.

From the way you retold those events I can tell that it's been replaying in your head over and over and over again. It's really difficult to get past deep hurt, especially when someone has rejected you and nine years of your life. It takes a very long time to recover from pain like this. It won't happen in one year or maybe even three..... but it will happen eventually.

Sometimes people get stuck in a pivotal, emotional event in their lives that stays stuck in their head. I've had this happen. I've had to work very hard to take mental steps and pull myself out of emotional pits and distance myself from the place where I was hurt so badly. It's really hard.

Let yourself mourn. Give yourself time to hurt. Know that someday you won't hurt so much, that you'll hurt just a tiny bit less. It's a long process.

Shakespeare's Comedy of Errors.... on Donald J. Trump:

He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere,
Ill-fac’d, worse bodied, shapeless every where;
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind,
Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
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22-07-2015, 04:15 PM
RE: The Official Crying Thread
(22-07-2015 12:57 PM)Nurse Wrote:  Sadcryface
So apparently my friend has a networking event tonight. So we won't be going out as planned.Dodgy Instead, Mom's going to take me to the movies. Yaaaay. And then we'll get to talk once again about how I'd have friends if I found a "church home." And how God has a plan. And how I need to find a good Christian man who loves The Lord most and me second. If I'm not careful I'll out myself tonight. I'm of half a mind to do so just to get her off my case (she's already upset that's son doesn't want to pray at the dinner table or go to church - small victory for me). And then I will have successfully alienated most everyone.

I wouldn't go to mom's tonight, but it sure as hell beats the alternative of sitting home alone.

I wish I knew what to say.

Tell your mom you want an enjoyable evening with her and you need a break (especially today) from being treated like a child.

Ya know - sitting home alone or doing something by yourself isn't an awful alternative if you really think it's going to be that bad with your mom. I know I would rather do just about anything other than spend time with mine. Undecided

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

We're all mad here. The Cheshire Cat
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