The Official Crying Thread
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
13-03-2016, 08:36 PM
RE: The Official Crying Thread
(13-03-2016 08:28 PM)Escape Artist Wrote:  So this is more of a whine than anything else I suppose, but it hurts as well, so it fits with the crying thing...

Anyway, Rev and I were talking tonight and he touched on something that I've been afraid of for a while now. I started writing fiction back in, oh 2010 or so I believe and that's when I started my deconversion process too and also realizing that my marriage was not at all good and that I wanted something else.

Writing was an escape but I also reached a point where I thought I was pretty good at it and that maybe it was my thing, you know... my purpose in life. I am a writer, I thought - I should write. I never knew as a kid what I wanted to be when I grew up, so hitting this moment of "oh this is what I should do" was a powerful moment for me. It felt really nice.

Fast forward to when I fully deconverted and started making plans to leave my ex-husband. Life just got in the way of the writing and I have not been able to truly pick it back up since. Nothing flows, I have no real ideas to speak of, it's just... gone. I worried that maybe writing had just been a thing to get me out of a bad situation (god belief, bad marriage, etc.) and that that was the entirety of its purpose. But the idea that that could be true is really painful.

So if not writing, what is my purpose then? The kids? No. I can't do that. I won't make my life about people who will grow up and be gone one day. I'm not going to do what I see so many other mothers do who make their lives about their kids and then when their kids are gone they feel they have nothing. But I guess I went and did the same thing with my writing and apparently it's gone and what do I have now? My pathetic little job at an insurance company for the rest of my life and die and that's it? Fucking INSURANCE? It's just very sad and pathetic. I thought I was going to do something to make a difference or help people (even if just by writing characters they could relate to) and instead this is it?

I haven't felt this purposeless since I admitted to myself that I no longer believed in god.

I believe you'll find your muse.


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Momsurroundedbyboys's post
13-03-2016, 08:47 PM
RE: The Official Crying Thread
(13-03-2016 08:36 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  
(13-03-2016 08:28 PM)Escape Artist Wrote:  So this is more of a whine than anything else I suppose, but it hurts as well, so it fits with the crying thing...

Anyway, Rev and I were talking tonight and he touched on something that I've been afraid of for a while now. I started writing fiction back in, oh 2010 or so I believe and that's when I started my deconversion process too and also realizing that my marriage was not at all good and that I wanted something else.

Writing was an escape but I also reached a point where I thought I was pretty good at it and that maybe it was my thing, you know... my purpose in life. I am a writer, I thought - I should write. I never knew as a kid what I wanted to be when I grew up, so hitting this moment of "oh this is what I should do" was a powerful moment for me. It felt really nice.

Fast forward to when I fully deconverted and started making plans to leave my ex-husband. Life just got in the way of the writing and I have not been able to truly pick it back up since. Nothing flows, I have no real ideas to speak of, it's just... gone. I worried that maybe writing had just been a thing to get me out of a bad situation (god belief, bad marriage, etc.) and that that was the entirety of its purpose. But the idea that that could be true is really painful.

So if not writing, what is my purpose then? The kids? No. I can't do that. I won't make my life about people who will grow up and be gone one day. I'm not going to do what I see so many other mothers do who make their lives about their kids and then when their kids are gone they feel they have nothing. But I guess I went and did the same thing with my writing and apparently it's gone and what do I have now? My pathetic little job at an insurance company for the rest of my life and die and that's it? Fucking INSURANCE? It's just very sad and pathetic. I thought I was going to do something to make a difference or help people (even if just by writing characters they could relate to) and instead this is it?

I haven't felt this purposeless since I admitted to myself that I no longer believed in god.

I believe you'll find your muse.

I think my muse went to a bar and drank herself to death. Sadcryface

Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Escape Artist's post
13-03-2016, 08:58 PM
RE: The Official Crying Thread
Welp, that's enough whiny-ness and sad-sacking from me. I mean, really - it's sooooo horrible that I have a decent job that provides a decent life for the people I love and care for? Just because it's insurance which people usually fucking hate until the day they need it? So what? Get over it, Dani.

And if I want to write, well, fucking write. Rev didn't say anything I hadn't already been thinking - I haven't made writing a priority so no wonder it has fallen to the backburner. I've had other things I've been enjoying more and really, there's nothing wrong with that. But honestly it doesn't matter which way I go - if I want to write, fucking buckle down and write and stop pussying around, and if I don't want to write, well so what - I don't have to write. No one's sitting up in the sky saying I have to fucking write and if I don't, I'm a loser with no purpose. So fuck that shit. Hobo

Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 4 users Like Escape Artist's post
13-03-2016, 09:01 PM
RE: The Official Crying Thread
(13-03-2016 08:58 PM)Escape Artist Wrote:  Welp, that's enough whiny-ness and sad-sacking from me. I mean, really - it's sooooo horrible that I have a decent job that provides a decent life for the people I love and care for? Just because it's insurance which people usually fucking hate until the day they need it? So what? Get over it, Dani.

And if I want to write, well, fucking write. Rev didn't say anything I hadn't already been thinking - I haven't made writing a priority so no wonder it has fallen to the backburner. I've had other things I've been enjoying more and really, there's nothing wrong with that. But honestly it doesn't matter which way I go - if I want to write, fucking buckle down and write and stop pussying around, and if I don't want to write, well so what - I don't have to write. No one's sitting up in the sky saying I have to fucking write and if I don't, I'm a loser with no purpose. So fuck that shit. Hobo

HoboHoboHoboHoboHoboHoboHobo
An army of Hobo's to help you out. Tongue


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Momsurroundedbyboys's post
13-03-2016, 09:05 PM
RE: The Official Crying Thread
(13-03-2016 08:58 PM)Escape Artist Wrote:  Welp, that's enough whiny-ness and sad-sacking from me. I mean, really - it's sooooo horrible that I have a decent job that provides a decent life for the people I love and care for? Just because it's insurance which people usually fucking hate until the day they need it? So what? Get over it, Dani.

And if I want to write, well, fucking write. Rev didn't say anything I hadn't already been thinking - I haven't made writing a priority so no wonder it has fallen to the backburner. I've had other things I've been enjoying more and really, there's nothing wrong with that. But honestly it doesn't matter which way I go - if I want to write, fucking buckle down and write and stop pussying around, and if I don't want to write, well so what - I don't have to write. No one's sitting up in the sky saying I have to fucking write and if I don't, I'm a loser with no purpose. So fuck that shit. Hobo

I have a couple things that I like to do and I tend to rotate those things around depending on my mood. I have been sewing since I was in middle school. Sometimes I go for months without sewing anything...then I get back into it again and I enjoy it much more than I would if I just told myself that I have to. Then sometimes I get on a reading binge. And sometimes I go a while without reading a book. That's also okay. What I am trying to say is that if there is something you really love to do, do it when you want to do it. Don't force yourself to do it because you think it's what you have to do. When you are in the right place in your head, the words will flow again. You have been through a lot in the last few months...you life has turned upside down and rightside up and sideways. Let your brain and your emotions catch up and calm down.

Haven't you also been sick? Cut yourself a little slack. Take a breath...it's okay. It's going to be okay.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

We're all mad here. The Cheshire Cat
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Anjele's post
13-03-2016, 09:11 PM
RE: The Official Crying Thread
(13-03-2016 09:05 PM)Anjele Wrote:  
(13-03-2016 08:58 PM)Escape Artist Wrote:  Welp, that's enough whiny-ness and sad-sacking from me. I mean, really - it's sooooo horrible that I have a decent job that provides a decent life for the people I love and care for? Just because it's insurance which people usually fucking hate until the day they need it? So what? Get over it, Dani.

And if I want to write, well, fucking write. Rev didn't say anything I hadn't already been thinking - I haven't made writing a priority so no wonder it has fallen to the backburner. I've had other things I've been enjoying more and really, there's nothing wrong with that. But honestly it doesn't matter which way I go - if I want to write, fucking buckle down and write and stop pussying around, and if I don't want to write, well so what - I don't have to write. No one's sitting up in the sky saying I have to fucking write and if I don't, I'm a loser with no purpose. So fuck that shit. Hobo

I have a couple things that I like to do and I tend to rotate those things around depending on my mood. I have been sewing since I was in middle school. Sometimes I go for months without sewing anything...then I get back into it again and I enjoy it much more than I would if I just told myself that I have to. Then sometimes I get on a reading binge. And sometimes I go a while without reading a book. That's also okay. What I am trying to say is that if there is something you really love to do, do it when you want to do it. Don't force yourself to do it because you think it's what you have to do. When you are in the right place in your head, the words will flow again. You have been through a lot in the last few months...you life has turned upside down and rightside up and sideways. Let your brain and your emotions catch up and calm down.

Haven't you also been sick? Cut yourself a little slack. Take a breath...it's okay. It's going to be okay.

Thanks, Anj. Heart I got a little dramatic there. Rev has advised the same - don't force myself to do something because then what's the point if I don't enjoy it? And yeah I've been sick for the last week. Shy

Obviously I'm feeling better enough to get all dramatic again, so that's a plus, I suppose. Big Grin

Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
14-03-2016, 09:16 PM
The Official Crying Thread
Goddamn panic attack.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
14-03-2016, 10:55 PM
RE: The Official Crying Thread
(14-03-2016 09:16 PM)Clockwork Wrote:  Goddamn panic attack.

Hug
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
18-03-2016, 08:18 AM
RE: The Official Crying Thread
I'm in trouble, I have to be honest and say I have been bingeing on alcohol on and off for the last three years up to now I have managed to keep it a secret but my psychiatrist picked up on it when I saw him last week even though I was sober at the time, he has obviously voiced this to my family doctor who now wants to see me.
I know exactly what he's going to do he's going to take blood for liver function tests and gamma gt both of which I'm certain are going to be wildly abnormal and if my family gets wind of this I'm out on the streets, which is a terrifying prospect. I'm currently sober its not the stopping drinking that's hard its staying stopped AA doesn't help all in all its a real mess but its good to vent, thanks for listening folks Smile
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
18-03-2016, 08:25 AM
RE: The Official Crying Thread
(18-03-2016 08:18 AM)adey67 Wrote:  I'm in trouble, I have to be honest and say I have been bingeing on alcohol on and off for the last three years up to now I have managed to keep it a secret but my psychiatrist picked up on it when I saw him last week even though I was sober at the time, he has obviously voiced this to my family doctor who now wants to see me.
I know exactly what he's going to do he's going to take blood for liver function tests and gamma gt both of which I'm certain are going to be wildly abnormal and if my family gets wind of this I'm out on the streets, which is a terrifying prospect. I'm currently sober its not the stopping drinking that's hard its staying stopped AA doesn't help all in all its a real mess but its good to vent, thanks for listening folks Smile

Why would you think your family would find out about your drs appt? You're an adult--aren't those things kept confidential in the UK?

Keep fighting--you can do it!
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
Post Reply
Forum Jump: