The Official Crying Thread
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17-09-2016, 09:39 AM
RE: The Official Crying Thread
(17-09-2016 07:07 AM)Full Circle Wrote:  Local time 7:50am, less than two hours before we hold a memorial service for my wife’s mom.

The last time I did this was seven years ago when I said a eulogy for her dad. My wife has now lost both of her parents and she is heartbroken. I am trying to keep my shit together for her.

My parents just drove twelve hours to be here, dad is 82 and mom 78 the same age as my now deceased MIL. I feel guilty that I still have my parents and she does not. Melancholy thoughts and feelings sweep over me like a fog bank coming in from the sea.

Yesterday morning the three of us, my wife her sister and me read our eulogies to each other for feedback and more than anything to let the emotions just rip through us. We don’t want to be on the lectern and try to say those words for the first time.

My wife and I have chosen to tell of some personal stories about her mom to break up the sadness, here’s mine. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

“The first time I came to Smallville I was a nervous young man, deeply in love with my soon to be wife and hoping that her parents would find me worthy of their daughter. Her dad was easy going and if he had any reservations he didn’t show it but with MIL there was a tension that was palpable. It was obvious to me that it was her that I had to win over if this was going to work.

All seemed to be going fine until she walked up to me, car keys in hand, and said, “Come with me, we’re going for a ride.” A cold shiver went down my spine. This could be the last anyone saw of me but one does not simply say no to your potential mother in law.

She drove us towards the town pier; I have no recollection if either of us said anything. At that time I was 28 and I felt that if it came down to it, I could probably outrun her. She parked the car and she said let’s go for a walk. As we walked along the sea wall I gauged the distance to the trees, 30 yards, I felt could make it. We arrived at a bench overlooking the Bay and we sat down, and time stood still.

While the words said that day will forever remain with just the two of us she was kind and welcoming. I can tell you that the feeling I came away with on that day was that I had much to live up to, much was expected and if what they said was true, like mother like daughter, my life was about to change for the better.

We came home after our little trip, I don’t think either my soon-to-be-wife or her dad realized that we had left the house, MIL quickly went on about her business and at that moment I felt that maybe, just maybe, this was going to work after all.”

That was 29 years ago. Where did the time go?

Speaking of going, I have to go and get ready. Thanks for reading.

Hug

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17-09-2016, 09:43 AM
RE: The Official Crying Thread
Hang on to each other.
Heart Be well, Full Circle.

A new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move to higher levels. ~ Albert Einstein
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17-09-2016, 11:10 AM
RE: The Official Crying Thread
(17-09-2016 07:07 AM)Full Circle Wrote:  Local time 7:50am, less than two hours before we hold a memorial service for my wife’s mom.

The last time I did this was seven years ago when I said a eulogy for her dad. My wife has now lost both of her parents and she is heartbroken. I am trying to keep my shit together for her.

My parents just drove twelve hours to be here, dad is 82 and mom 78 the same age as my now deceased MIL. I feel guilty that I still have my parents and she does not. Melancholy thoughts and feelings sweep over me like a fog bank coming in from the sea.

Yesterday morning the three of us, my wife her sister and me read our eulogies to each other for feedback and more than anything to let the emotions just rip through us. We don’t want to be on the lectern and try to say those words for the first time.

My wife and I have chosen to tell of some personal stories about her mom to break up the sadness, here’s mine. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

“The first time I came to Smallville I was a nervous young man, deeply in love with my soon to be wife and hoping that her parents would find me worthy of their daughter. Her dad was easy going and if he had any reservations he didn’t show it but with MIL there was a tension that was palpable. It was obvious to me that it was her that I had to win over if this was going to work.

All seemed to be going fine until she walked up to me, car keys in hand, and said, “Come with me, we’re going for a ride.” A cold shiver went down my spine. This could be the last anyone saw of me but one does not simply say no to your potential mother in law.

She drove us towards the town pier; I have no recollection if either of us said anything. At that time I was 28 and I felt that if it came down to it, I could probably outrun her. She parked the car and she said let’s go for a walk. As we walked along the sea wall I gauged the distance to the trees, 30 yards, I felt could make it. We arrived at a bench overlooking the Bay and we sat down, and time stood still.

While the words said that day will forever remain with just the two of us she was kind and welcoming. I can tell you that the feeling I came away with on that day was that I had much to live up to, much was expected and if what they said was true, like mother like daughter, my life was about to change for the better.

We came home after our little trip, I don’t think either my soon-to-be-wife or her dad realized that we had left the house, MIL quickly went on about her business and at that moment I felt that maybe, just maybe, this was going to work after all.”

That was 29 years ago. Where did the time go?

Speaking of going, I have to go and get ready. Thanks for reading.

Hug
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17-09-2016, 08:18 PM
RE: The Official Crying Thread
9:08 pm local.

I’m emotionally drained. Just woke up from a 4 hour nap. Everything went better than expected, a handful of others took the opportunity to speak as well and the stories and recollections meant the world to us. Some were funny and others melancholy but the underlying theme was that of a person who was loving, giving and gracious and who cut to the chase.

The pastor at the Methodist church was for the most part brief and not preachy, she read a few passages that were apropos. A little too much Jesus but then I kept my thoughts on the matter to myself, this wasn’t about me after all.

Now on with the next steps of closing out the physical aspects of a long life; death certificate, title changes, will, trust, paying the utilities and the yard guy. After enlightenment the laundry.

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”~ Ambrose Bierce
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17-09-2016, 08:25 PM
RE: The Official Crying Thread
(17-09-2016 08:18 PM)Full Circle Wrote:  9:08 pm local.

I’m emotionally drained. Just woke up from a 4 hour nap. Everything went better than expected, a handful of others took the opportunity to speak as well and the stories and recollections meant the world to us. Some were funny and others melancholy but the underlying theme was that of a person who was loving, giving and gracious and who cut to the chase.

The pastor at the Methodist church was for the most part brief and not preachy, she read a few passages that were apropos. A little too much Jesus but then I kept my thoughts on the matter to myself, this wasn’t about me after all.

Now on with the next steps of closing out the physical aspects of a long life; death certificate, title changes, will, trust, paying the utilities and the yard guy. After enlightenment the laundry.

Glad to hear that it went well. And yes, it's exhausting to tend to a parent's final affairs. No rest for the weary.

My best to you and your wife...I know this is hard.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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17-09-2016, 08:37 PM
RE: The Official Crying Thread
(17-09-2016 08:18 PM)Full Circle Wrote:  9:08 pm local.

I’m emotionally drained. Just woke up from a 4 hour nap. Everything went better than expected, a handful of others took the opportunity to speak as well and the stories and recollections meant the world to us. Some were funny and others melancholy but the underlying theme was that of a person who was loving, giving and gracious and who cut to the chase.

The pastor at the Methodist church was for the most part brief and not preachy, she read a few passages that were apropos. A little too much Jesus but then I kept my thoughts on the matter to myself, this wasn’t about me after all.

Now on with the next steps of closing out the physical aspects of a long life; death certificate, title changes, will, trust, paying the utilities and the yard guy. After enlightenment the laundry.

Hug

Don't let those gnomes and their illusions get you down. They're just gnomes and illusions.

--Jake the Dog, Adventure Time

Alouette, je te plumerai.
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17-09-2016, 09:19 PM
RE: The Official Crying Thread
(17-09-2016 08:18 PM)Full Circle Wrote:  9:08 pm local.

I’m emotionally drained. Just woke up from a 4 hour nap. Everything went better than expected, a handful of others took the opportunity to speak as well and the stories and recollections meant the world to us. Some were funny and others melancholy but the underlying theme was that of a person who was loving, giving and gracious and who cut to the chase.

The pastor at the Methodist church was for the most part brief and not preachy, she read a few passages that were apropos. A little too much Jesus but then I kept my thoughts on the matter to myself, this wasn’t about me after all.

Now on with the next steps of closing out the physical aspects of a long life; death certificate, title changes, will, trust, paying the utilities and the yard guy. After enlightenment the laundry.

Don't forget - you'll need at least 15 to 20 copies of the death certificate - it seems everyone needs this information. Dodgy

And make certain you go through every freaking scrap of paper you can fine in the house! Nearly a year after my dad died, my brother and I found a single piece of paper referencing a CD...?! Suddenly we were scrambling to roll three massive CDs into an investment account so my mom didn't have to stress over something she didn't even know she had!

Actually, going through all that stuff ... it kind of made me admire my dad's crazy thoughts about ... loving us ... the future beyond him ... we found a couple of things that won't even mature until I'm like 97!!
Thanks for the vote of confidence, Pops! Wink

Take it all slowly ... there's no need to rush. If you feel like it's becoming a bit of a chore to go through everything, take a break from it and just be together, elsewhere. Make certain you both take time ... lots of time ... to deal with each other and your own emotional lives.

Winter's coming so, don't neglect your health. Eat well, get plenty of rest and find some extra bits of togetherness before the holidays come around. You're going to need it this year when it finally hits that there's one less person there.

Heart Be well.

A new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move to higher levels. ~ Albert Einstein
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17-09-2016, 09:37 PM
RE: The Official Crying Thread
(17-09-2016 09:19 PM)kim Wrote:  
(17-09-2016 08:18 PM)Full Circle Wrote:  9:08 pm local.

I’m emotionally drained. Just woke up from a 4 hour nap. Everything went better than expected, a handful of others took the opportunity to speak as well and the stories and recollections meant the world to us. Some were funny and others melancholy but the underlying theme was that of a person who was loving, giving and gracious and who cut to the chase.

The pastor at the Methodist church was for the most part brief and not preachy, she read a few passages that were apropos. A little too much Jesus but then I kept my thoughts on the matter to myself, this wasn’t about me after all.

Now on with the next steps of closing out the physical aspects of a long life; death certificate, title changes, will, trust, paying the utilities and the yard guy. After enlightenment the laundry.

Don't forget - you'll need at least 15 to 20 copies of the death certificate - it seems everyone needs this information. Dodgy

And make certain you go through every freaking scrap of paper you can fine in the house! Nearly a year after my dad died, my brother and I found a single piece of paper referencing a CD...?! Suddenly we were scrambling to roll three massive CDs into an investment account so my mom didn't have to stress over something she didn't even know she had!

Actually, going through all that stuff ... it kind of made me admire my dad's crazy thoughts about ... loving us ... the future beyond him ... we found a couple of things that won't even mature until I'm like 97!!
Thanks for the vote of confidence, Pops! Wink

Take it all slowly ... there's no need to rush. If you feel like it's becoming a bit of a chore to go through everything, take a break from it and just be together, elsewhere. Make certain you both take time ... lots of time ... to deal with each other and your own emotional lives.

Winter's coming so, don't neglect your health. Eat well, get plenty of rest and find some extra bits of togetherness before the holidays come around. You're going to need it this year when it finally hits that there's one less person there.

Heart Be well.

What a wonderful response kim Heart

You nailed every point. Everyone, as you say, wants a Death Certificate.

As for looking through every scrap paper...
We have found three 30 year Treasury Bonds, 2 from 1980 and one from 1992. Ohmy
My in laws kept everything, EVERYTHING! Check stubs from 1976, home made jams from 1981 Facepalm

Amazing photographs have tumbled out of the most unlikely of places, such treasure!

Mixed in with the fake jewlery and junk collectibles we’ve found some beautiful and sentimental high worth pieces.

We have found boxes upon boxes of correspondence and photos. We are going to take our time and over the coming months scan them, put them in a Dropbox and invite the whole family to look at, sort, identify and claim it.

We then plan on holding a get together come the holidays and put on a slide show of the best stuff we found while eating popcorn and having a few cold ones. Yes

Thanks again for the great advice!

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”~ Ambrose Bierce
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06-10-2016, 05:53 PM
RE: The Official Crying Thread
2016 - the year that keeps on sucking.

Our dog, Lady, has had some health issues this year and has been declining. Her quality of life was not good. She seemed to rally a bit when we had the bladder stones removed this summer but after a few weeks the decline began again more rapidly...today we had to make the decision to put her down after her health took a turn for the worse.

She was a pup that had been abandoned in a box in a parking lot. We adopted her nine years ago. She was a good dog.

The vet agreed with me that he could see the decline in her since he last saw her at the end of June.

I sat on the floor and held her and held one of her favorite toys close to her. I talked to her as the vet injected her and felt her slip away. Two dogs in eight months and two days. My heart is broken again.

[img][Image: 2ex9gyq.jpg][/img]

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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06-10-2016, 05:56 PM
RE: The Official Crying Thread
(06-10-2016 05:53 PM)Anjele Wrote:  2016 - the year that keeps on sucking.

Our dog, Lady, has had some health issues this year and has been declining. Her quality of life was not good. She seemed to rally a bit when we had the bladder stones removed this summer but after a few weeks the decline began again more rapidly...today we had to make the decision to put her down after her health took a turn for the worse.

She was a pup that had been abandoned in a box in a parking lot. We adopted her nine years ago. She was a good dog.

The vet agreed with me that he could see the decline in her since he last saw her at the end of June.

I sat on the floor and held her and held one of her favorite toys close to her. I talked to her as the vet injected her and felt her slip away. Two dogs in eight months and two days. My heart is broken again.

[img][Image: 2ex9gyq.jpg][/img]

What a lovely dog Sad
Hug
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