The One True Jelly
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17-05-2016, 05:37 AM
The One True Jelly
[Image: k2-_514dbbff-9b7d-4840-8dcf-ada7d2724b8e.v1.jpg]

Welch's Grape Jelly is the One True Jelly. Consumers of other brands of Grape Jelly are lost souls who must be rehabilitated and shown the way to the One True Jelly. Consumers of other flavors like strawberry or gasp! apricot are heretics who shall convert or be purified by fire and then served on toast with the One True Jelly spread upon them.

ALL HAIL THE ONE TRUE JELLY!

It was spread for your sins.

Shackle their minds when they're bent on the cross
When ignorance reigns, life is lost
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17-05-2016, 05:46 AM
RE: The One True Jelly
So, some explanation may be required now.

See, for the last few months I've been working on this deal. Well, it's getting pretty near the close now and the pressure is heating up. I'm working on a deadline and I have to not only finalize the contract but get through my company's approval process - which is a negotiation in its own right. It's been a lot of long hours. I worked most of the past weekend and was up working until 2 AM last night and then was up at 6 to start all over. Anyway, my wife is away on a 3 day training class so not only am I working like mad but I'm also a short term single parent. So, I was making my youngest son lunch to bring to school this morning when I suddenly had an epiphany: Welch's Grape Jelly is the One True Jelly and it was spread for our sins.

Spread the word (so to speak)!

See, once you explain it, it's all very rational and not the ranting of a sleep deprived lawyer.

Shackle their minds when they're bent on the cross
When ignorance reigns, life is lost
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17-05-2016, 06:02 AM
RE: The One True Jelly
Blasphemy!

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17-05-2016, 06:05 AM
RE: The One True Jelly
Smuckers and satan both begin with s. Coincidence? I think not.
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17-05-2016, 06:45 AM
RE: The One True Jelly
Yup. And it makes great toilet hootch in prisons everywhere.....

.......................................

The difference between prayer and masturbation - is when a guy is through masturbating - he has something to show for his efforts.
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17-05-2016, 06:48 AM
RE: The One True Jelly
(17-05-2016 06:05 AM)julep Wrote:  Smuckers and satan both begin with s. Coincidence? I think not.

With a name like Smuckers, it has to be A SPAWN OF THE DEVIL!!!!!!!!!!

Evil_monster

Shackle their minds when they're bent on the cross
When ignorance reigns, life is lost
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17-05-2016, 07:14 AM
RE: The One True Jelly
[Image: GS1_10051500001636_PRODUCT_IMAGE_1005150...B_JPG.JPEG]


BowingBowingBowing
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17-05-2016, 07:16 AM
RE: The One True Jelly
(17-05-2016 07:14 AM)Aliza Wrote:  [Image: GS1_10051500001636_PRODUCT_IMAGE_1005150...B_JPG.JPEG]


BowingBowingBowing

Heresy!

Begin the inquisition!

Shackle their minds when they're bent on the cross
When ignorance reigns, life is lost
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17-05-2016, 07:51 AM
RE: The One True Jelly
Nay, as the good prophet Eleanor(whoever that is) said, it is the blackberry that is the most magnificent of all berry fruits to jelly.

[Image: Blackberry-Jam-Lo-Res.jpg]

"Allow there to be a spectrum in all that you see" - Neil Degrasse Tyson
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17-05-2016, 07:55 AM
RE: The One True Jelly
Unreal. This religion is like 4 hours old and already there are schisms.

Shackle their minds when they're bent on the cross
When ignorance reigns, life is lost
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