The Pointless Proverb Thread

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Based on a New York Magazine competition:

Share your favorite pointless, silly, obscure, bizarre, or just screwy proverbs. They can be real or invented, just so long as they make no sense.

To get the ball rolling, here are some winning entries in the competition (found in the immortal Thank You for the Giant Sea Tortoise, edited by Mary Ann Madden). In the spirit of giving credit where credit is due, the names of the contributors are in small type.


"Beware of the man who will not brandish a plaster cast of his foot!"--Japanese proverb in Haiku Hermine Stover

"O! For a two-handled broom!"--Cambodian Hermine Stover

"Rain before seven, dark by midnight."--Cape Cod, U.S.A. Hermine Stover

"A man must remove his shoes before you can judge his socks." Herb Sargent


Some Russian Proverbs: Sanford Zane Meschkow

"He who drinks borsht with a cross bear may carry home salt, but he will limp."

"Only a fool walks to Minsk on a Tuesday."

"While three wise men can pull a troika, a fool can be eating kasha."

"If only rich men could have ugly daughters, the Czar would be a woodcutter."


"I met a man with a hearing aid. Then I met one who didn't know how to peel an apple." Norton J. Bramesco

"A wet bird never flies at night." K. Lever

"Little things come in small packages." Emily Renan, Irwin & Roberta Berger

"It is far better to sit idle than to just do nothing at all." Joen Ellen Kanze

"A man may be short and fat, but he is usually bald." David Fractenberg

"You need never be alone if somebody is with you." Martin E. Healy

"The dumb man asks no questions of his deaf wife." Shan Ellentuck

"The fruits of mankind are footprints in the snow of oblivion." Craig Johnson

"He who casts no shadow knows no shame." Mrs. Paul Lippman

"Why work if you can carry your lunch?" Brian E. Bednare

"Never shake hands with a stricken cat." Mark Greitzer

"Lost causes rest in narrow beds." Arthur S. Nislick

"Only three things are sure in life: Marshmallow, plum pudding, orangutans, and chairs." Edward Rothstein