The Slyfalsian Truth
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04-04-2012, 06:57 PM
RE: The Slyfalsian Truth
The next installment of the holiest of all holy books is here.
Saint Jared the Benign
O, he is the kindest among men, for he hath given his people a glorious thing, a thing so grand it defies words that could describe it. He has given unto us a gift so magnificent, so amazing it almost would be a crime to not tell of it. This thing would shatter even the evilest person’s most dastardly façade. What he gave could not be given by a mere being. He gave unto us the Oreo of Unimaginable Deliciousness.
This Oreo is so edible few could resist its wily charm. This Oreo knows not of what we want, for it has all it could ever need to sway us into eating it. This Oreo is never fully digested for it is of the divine nature. This Oreo can communicate, but only with those it deems worthy of such an honor. This Oreo is the first and last, the beginning and end, the darkness and the light, and the holiest and most sacrilegious of all things. This Oreo has grandiose whims that no mere mortal can understand. This Oreo. O, this Oreo.
This Oreo was given unto us by Jared. For Jared is the most benign being there is.
The Book of Saint Sylvester
Oh much has happened in the times that have passed, that all that could be done, has been done so far. Lo, do not be frightened for there is still more to be said. So I shall tell of a time when dogs were not dogs, but equals.
Once the world had been created did all rejoice, for all that they needed was theirs. Yet, as time did pass they all wanted more. They had all they needed. Yet they wanted more. So they did invent fighting, warfare, and deception. As time did pass they created things that could destroy whole cities in a blink of an eye, and people began to fear one another irrationally.
Sly knew this process had to be stopped. He preached for a new world peace. Yet no one listened to him, for he was dog. Then one day did a miracle not happen! He stared into the eyes of his master, and lo and behold did the master stare back. Sly knew that all he had learned would be told to the world.
This is The Book of Sly!

On the first day Sly did tell his newfound Translator of his great new thing, The Slyfalsian Truth. The Translator told all that he knew, and that he trusted, for he had to tell of this. There was no choice but do it, for the world was flailing along the path to wickedness. The wickedness had to be stopped.
On the second day the Translator continued to tell of all that needed to be known. Sadly the world was not ready for such a thing as this, and he choose to wait.
And it came to pass that one day the Translator struck up an ingenious idea. He would write of what he had learned. The Bohquanita was born.
And now will the book of Sly truly begin.

In a time before dogs, Sly preached to the masses, of a better world, a world where hate is only for those who have not chosen to be better beings. And the crowds did listen, and all were moved at this idea. So they did follow him, and tell all that they knew of this great new way of life. Not all were happy at this fact for they tried to stop Sly and all that followed his teachings. They oppressed them, forcing them to be servants, to have to come when they were told, to beg for treats. This made his followers into something hideous at the time, a being known as a dog. Many of those who oppressed turned these things into pets. Alas, not all who took them as pets were cruel and evil, some were kind, and allowed them to be free of the leash, and of the beatings that they received from others. These beings protected them from the evil ones, but this would lead to terrible things.
A great war broke out, the ones who protected the dogs fought valiantly and won many a battle. A day did come to pass were the final showdown was set. That day Sly spoke to the kind ones, telling them he and his beliefs supported them. The men and dogs were inspired by this and they did prepare for a glorious victory or an honorable death.
The battle began with arrows whistling through the air, waves of soldiers fell before their onslaught. The evil ones charged like a pack of angry sea cows, and then there was a battle. The screams of the fallen filled the air with a deathly shriek. Soon, the evil ones gained an advantage. The kind ones feared for their life and began to rout.
Lightning bolts struck out of the sky, decimating the evil ones. The evil ones began to fight like cornered rats, snarling and biting their enemies. The battle was won!
The kind ones were shattered from this battle. Those few that still stood had wounds so grievous they soon fell to the ground and quickly bled to death. Sly had also taken many gashes upon his body, and was taken to the healer of The Mountain of Thunder. They healer tried to save his life, but this was an impossible task. Sly then spoke the words…

He would return!

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06-04-2012, 02:11 AM
RE: The Slyfalsian Truth
(04-04-2012 06:57 PM)itsacow Wrote:  They had all they needed. Yet they wanted more. ... Sly knew this process had to be stopped. He preached for a new world peace. Yet no one listened to him, for he was dog. Then one day did a miracle not happen! He stared into the eyes of his master, and lo and behold did the master stare back. Sly knew that all he had learned would be told to the world.
This is The Book of Sly!

All Hail Sly. Bowing

As it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.
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06-04-2012, 07:32 PM
RE: The Slyfalsian Truth
The Cover Picture of The Bohquanita

[Image: images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSzrwBt9tes9QUhe-SOpot...UzkWxXj74g]

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10-04-2012, 05:40 PM
RE: The Slyfalsian Truth
And now for the extremely short book of the greatest religion ever is...

The Book of Arabia!
Phlegm phlegm, phlegm did phlegm.
Phlegm to phlegm, phlegm ran to phlegm.
Phlegm.

On a side note, I had to retype that because I left my flash drive in the schools computer... so they now have The Bohquanita!!!! NOOOOO!!!! ALL HOPE IS LOST!!

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17-04-2012, 05:55 PM
RE: The Slyfalsian Truth
I shall post the next installment tomorrow probably. I hit the Italicize button by accident and just realized it.

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18-04-2012, 06:55 PM (This post was last modified: 18-04-2012 07:07 PM by itsacow.)
RE: The Slyfalsian Truth
The Book of Realizations

“I am Beta and Psi, the left and the right, I was here and there but I have never moved. I was dead but then alive for I am Sly”
“I am Sly, dog of dogs! Look on my works, ye faithful, and rejoice! I shall tell you of the end times, of when this world shall perish. This world shall expire on the day of the reckoning, when all that has been made shall be no more. Then, all the faithful will be sent to a paradise like no other!”
“On this day, the hippo will not swallow the world, for he shall be sick of his creation. For his creation has turned to dark ways, ways of deceit and murder! And on this day, the alligator shall swallow the world whole. This world shall be pitched into a maelstrom of fear and death, for all of those who have sinned will receive their retribution!”
“On this day, the world shall bear witness to a war to end all wars. A war between what is right and what is wrong. A war for peace shall happen! A war where only those who have repented shall fight for the light! A war to purge the earth from the sinners who are abound on this planet! A war, led by the Saints, there will be Saint Pooferdoodle, Saint Skipus, Saint Mahatma, Saint Salvorange, and the greatest of all, Saint Sylvester! This war will be fought for all who have died from the misdeeds of the sinners, for all who have been swayed by evil heresies, for all who have lived a life of hardship and desperation at the hands of those we fight, and those who will come when this is all done.”
“O, on this day! The world shall be made anew from the inferno of war! This inferno will engulf the world over, setting alight a blaze that is impossible to extinguish! Only through the glorious sacrifice of many a life shall this world be retaken! When this fight does end, for this fight will end, the world will be for the newly faithful.”
“They must rebuild this world from the ashes it has become, a world where life is scarce! A world where pain is rampant, where disease is dominant, for only those who are true to the faith shall inherit this new earth!”
“Then the hippo will swallow the earth once again, for it has been cleansed of the scourge that was upon it.”
“I am Beta and Psi, the left and the right, I was here and there but I have never moved, I was dead but then alive for I am Sly!”

The Book of Governance

Lo, this world has never seen a good system of leadership, but Sly does know of one. This book shall lend you his knowledge of how to rule a place effectively.
There will be a system where three people who are experts on a subject shall rule on what to do with that section. There will be doctors, lawyers, economists, diplomats, and whatever else your country would need. They will be elected by their peers to rule in the way that is most fair.
In this system there will not be lobbyists or special interest groups. It will strive to become as fair as possible without sacrificing efficiency.
There will be a meeting of all the experts in the country each year to elect the three from each section. There will be no interference from the outside as they will locked in until they all decide.
In the event that the people need something they will send an emissary forth to meet with the officials that would pertain with their certain needs.
For choosing those who can vote, a person who has attained a mastery of their subject will be one who is eligible to vote. To attain mastery there will be a test given orally by the ones already on the council.
This ruling body will be secular, not a theocracy as those are just not intelligent to have.

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18-04-2012, 06:56 PM
RE: The Slyfalsian Truth
Dude, what have you done to that post?!



Nevermind. It makes sense now.

Best and worst of Ferdinand .....
Best
Ferdinand: We don't really say 'theist' in Alabama. Here, you're either a Christian, or you're from Afghanistan and we fucking hate you.
Worst
Ferdinand: Everyone from British is so, like, fucking retarded.
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18-04-2012, 07:05 PM
RE: The Slyfalsian Truth
(18-04-2012 06:56 PM)Hughsie Wrote:  Dude, what have you done to that post?!



Nevermind. It makes sense now.
Yea, I tried making the correct version for my computer instead of a read only(I have open office and the school has word). So it posted a weird thing explaining everthing and had to make a few changes.

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24-05-2012, 02:41 PM (This post was last modified: 24-05-2012 02:49 PM by itsacow.)
RE: The Slyfalsian Truth
The Signs of Sly
O, have we not wondered why we are the way we are? Sly did think this and he did come up with a system for figuring that very thing out. So he did then do tell me of this thing we shall call the 6 Signs of Sly.
These signs are not to be assigned to certain dates or years yet they will be given to you upon you birth.
These Signs will define who you are and what you will with your life and how you will live that life.
These signs foretell of how others shall perceive you and who you shall spend your life with.
Your sign is not set in concrete, for no single sign could fully describe what you truly are. There will be some who could have more than a single sign.






Dreiton

[Image: 0502080401511geese2-700.jpg]

You are wise beyond your years, yet you will often fall victim to an ill temper.

This sign tells you of how you love to do intelligent things and how you love to move in cool formations. You will often fall into a certain group, and how you will only constantly move from place to place.




Freidahan

[Image: manatee_feed2817-main.jpg]

You love to eat, but you will not move very quickly to get food.
Your life will often deteriorate due to the fact you will not move for anyone, or anything. Though this stubbornness will often lead to misfortune, it will also allow you to hold steadfast when things get difficult.



Sporkatoah

[Image: platypus.jpg]

You will live a life not like any other, for you are your own random assortment of ideas.

Your life will be a conglomeration of opposing forces trying to act upon you. Your life shall change you for better, or for worse, yet you will endure all ridicule that will come your way.



Hasatranitco


[Image: images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSJsTCb6DPOoqIMbmadR-5...8ZavD43yAQ]
You will often be doing things that would embarrass other people, yet you are strong willed.

As a Hasatranitco, you will live life to the fullest, not caring what others think of you, as you are your own person. You will most likely find someone who is like you and you will live a happy life.



Doubahdwour


[Image: 3-725956.jpg]
You will enjoy fighting to prove others wrong, but will be sympathetic to those weaker than you.

Your life will consist of constant fights and aiding those who are in need. You will also choose not to fight those who are not strong, or worthy, of defeating in glorious battle.



Beliafarnistisa

[Image: cow.jpg]

You think not only of yourself as you are generous, but you will sometimes do what is wrong without knowing it.

Your life will be a life of kindness and generosity, as you will continually stand up for what is right. Though there will be times of great strife because those that you aided have turned on you.

Thus does come to an end the most glorious of all holy books, The Bohquanita.
This book did entail things that few mortal dogs do ever learn. Of how the sun and the sky did come to pass; of how we were created for this earth; of how we will live life after we no longer live; of all things does this encompass.

So praise be Sly!

There is no god but Sly, and Sylvester is his prophet!

Glory be Sly!

For surely, Sly is forgiving and merciful!

Moo!

FIN

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24-05-2012, 02:50 PM
RE: The Slyfalsian Truth
Sorry about the pictures, the size does not want to change for some reason.

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