The Wife
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27-07-2015, 11:09 AM
RE: The Wife
You don't find it a bit disturbing that she has no problem declaring the marriage over, without discussion, at the mere mention of disbelief?
I think at the very least I'd want to know more about that.
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27-07-2015, 11:21 AM
RE: The Wife
(27-07-2015 11:09 AM)pablo Wrote:  You don't find it a bit disturbing that she has no problem declaring the marriage over, without discussion, at the mere mention of disbelief?
I think at the very least I'd want to know more about that.

That could well be the conversation that starts the sweater unraveling.
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27-07-2015, 11:24 AM
RE: The Wife
(27-07-2015 11:09 AM)pablo Wrote:  You don't find it a bit disturbing that she has no problem declaring the marriage over, without discussion, at the mere mention of disbelief?
I think at the very least I'd want to know more about that.

I agree with you and Thump. However, in the church I was in--God came first. The church stressed that. I am not sure about Octo's wife's church, but in my church, God was Numero Uno. Anyone who threatened that (through disbelief or blatant sin) was a heretic and open to Satan's influences. Brainwashing runs deep is all I can say. So it could be that she is operating from fear and brainwashing.
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27-07-2015, 11:26 AM
RE: The Wife
(27-07-2015 11:21 AM)Thumpalumpacus Wrote:  
(27-07-2015 11:09 AM)pablo Wrote:  You don't find it a bit disturbing that she has no problem declaring the marriage over, without discussion, at the mere mention of disbelief?
I think at the very least I'd want to know more about that.

That could well be the conversation that starts the sweater unraveling.

I'd rather find out when there's still time to get a new sweater.
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27-07-2015, 11:28 AM
RE: The Wife
(27-07-2015 09:17 AM)Octapulse Wrote:  I hinted towards my wife a few months ago that I don't really know that I believe in god anymore and she immediately said, if that's the case then our relationship is over. I rebounded by saying that I do believe but I'm just going through a period of doubt. We have been together for seven years and we have a son together along with my step daughter. Her parents are very devout xians and love me because of my knowledge of the bible, history of involvement in ministry etc. We don't go to church. My wife says now and then that we should start going, but fortunately we never get around to it. I have finally come to the place where I know that religion is bullshit. I don't want to tell my wife, because I know it would destroy our family. Am I crazy to think that since my wife practices her religion vicariously through her parents that I would be safe to keep this in the closet? This is very hard.

Yeah this is a problem. I'm sorry but I don't think I could be with(or respect) any one who is so unwilling to even talk something out and end a relationship so quickly just because you root for another team. I'm sorry but you really should start protecting yourself and go talk to some lawyers. Not saying you shouldn't work at this and try but I have a feeling that once you start trying to pry at this thing she's going to close up quickly.

For some reason some people will care more about beliefs more than their relationships. I'll never get it but love is love and to put up a fence around something so utterly useless and stop relationships which are going fine over this without even TRYING to understand.

But as I said you should try but be cautions to the possible outcomes and be smart.
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27-07-2015, 11:29 AM
RE: The Wife
(27-07-2015 11:26 AM)pablo Wrote:  
(27-07-2015 11:21 AM)Thumpalumpacus Wrote:  That could well be the conversation that starts the sweater unraveling.

I'd rather find out when there's still time to get a new sweater.

Right, but he should also be patient with her. You can't drop an atheism bomb on a die hard believer and then be upset at their reaction to it. I just think it would be worth seeking counseling and talking about it rather than ending a marriage over fear and brainwashing. Some people are able to still have a rship despite someone's disbelief. Some can't--but I think if you love the person--you should still try.
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27-07-2015, 11:34 AM
RE: The Wife
She has already told you that you are less important than her fantasies. How much more do you have to hear?


[Image: deadhorse.gif]

Atheism is NOT a Religion. It's A Personal Relationship With Reality!
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27-07-2015, 11:36 AM
RE: The Wife
(27-07-2015 11:34 AM)Minimalist Wrote:  She has already told you that you are less important than her fantasies. How much more do you have to hear?


[Image: deadhorse.gif]

I disagree--you need to give someone a chance to adjust to your new way of thinking. I think it is unfair to just assume that is how she feels when her statement could have been one made out of fear, confusion, and hurt.
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27-07-2015, 11:38 AM
RE: The Wife
(27-07-2015 11:29 AM)jennybee Wrote:  
(27-07-2015 11:26 AM)pablo Wrote:  I'd rather find out when there's still time to get a new sweater.

Right, but he should also be patient with her. You can't drop an atheism bomb on a die hard believer and then be upset at their reaction to it. I just think it would be worth seeking counseling and talking about it rather than ending a marriage over fear and brainwashing. Some people are able to still have a rship despite someone's disbelief. Some can't--but I think if you love the person--you should still try.

He seems to be the only one being patient at all. From what I could tell, she issued an ultimatum and he backed down.
As far as her being die-hard, he said they don't even go to church. Her parents are, but she doesn't seem to be.
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27-07-2015, 11:39 AM
RE: The Wife
(27-07-2015 11:29 AM)jennybee Wrote:  
(27-07-2015 11:26 AM)pablo Wrote:  I'd rather find out when there's still time to get a new sweater.

Right, but he should also be patient with her. You can't drop an atheism bomb on a die hard believer and then be upset at their reaction to it. I just think it would be worth seeking counseling and talking about it rather than ending a marriage over fear and brainwashing. Some people are able to still have a rship despite someone's disbelief. Some can't--but I think if you love the person--you should still try.

Sure. That's exactly why I'm so cautious in these discussions, because I have no idea what will happen if my advice is made actionable. It doesn't sound to me like counseling would be an option given the wife's blunt statement of intent, but that could well be a mistaken reading on my part too.

Patience is almost always wise counsel in matters of the heart. I certainly wasn't advocating for 'Pulse to take this issue up with her. I suppose if I had any advice to offer at all it would be to go slowly and not make any rash decisions. Both parents have a responsibility to the children to try their damnedest to make their marriage work. Inviting a breakup with a premature conversation doesn't seem advisable to me.
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