The Wife
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27-07-2015, 10:25 PM
RE: The Wife
When I first came out to my wife she rang my sister saying "I'd rather he said he was gay". These days she is a kind of spiritual person who disagrees with organised religion and we get on well together.

These are difficult waters to navigate. As much as religion pretends to be about protecting and supporting marriage in reality it is very much set up to use family as a weapon against individuals who might stray from the fold. There is a lot of programming that needs to be undone in order for a believer and unbeliever to live happily under the one roof.

I can't offer you much practical advice except
1. Don't expect her to join you on your journey. She may or may not change her views over time but you can't expect her to follow your path and you definitely can't expect her to be where you are on that path. It took time for you to get here. She'll take time to accept that change if it is possible for her to do so at all.
2. Be the person she loves. Don't let this topic dominate your interactions. She should see you as a person first, as her husband first, and as an atheist well down the list. Take your time and let many good interactions happen between the more challenging ones. Think about not telling her about yourself but instead waiting for questions and answering them plainly and simply as she asks them at the rate she can process the answers.
3. Have a safe place to vent. Here, somewhere else semi anonymous, with atheist friends, anywhere you can find that you are comfortable with and that is safe for you.

Give me your argument in the form of a published paper, and then we can start to talk.
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27-07-2015, 11:36 PM
RE: The Wife
*sigh*

I'm in divorce hell right now with my Christian husband. In one of our fights he mentioned that he was appalled at the notion that I rejected God - that there was no way I could truly love him without the love of god.


The closet sucks. It's really stressful lying to the people that you love. That's one promise he kept - he didn't out me to my family, and I'm still in the closet with them.


It's a marriage. You should be able to be open and honest with your spouse - and if they can't handle it, time to move on. I couldn't handle living a lie in my own home with the person I shared my life with.

"If there's a single thing that life teaches us, it's that wishing doesn't make it so." - Lev Grossman
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29-07-2015, 03:17 AM
RE: The Wife
(27-07-2015 09:17 AM)Octapulse Wrote:  I hinted towards my wife a few months ago that I don't really know that I believe in god anymore and she immediately said, if that's the case then our relationship is over. I rebounded by saying that I do believe but I'm just going through a period of doubt. We have been together for seven years and we have a son together along with my step daughter. Her parents are very devout xians and love me because of my knowledge of the bible, history of involvement in ministry etc. We don't go to church. My wife says now and then that we should start going, but fortunately we never get around to it. I have finally come to the place where I know that religion is bullshit. I don't want to tell my wife, because I know it would destroy our family. Am I crazy to think that since my wife practices her religion vicariously through her parents that I would be safe to keep this in the closet? This is very hard.

My advice....tell the wife these things.
1. You love her and the kids and don't want the relationship to end.
2. However, you no longer believe in religion.

If she leaves you....it was God's will.....or hers. Still not your fault whatever the case may be.
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03-08-2015, 11:33 PM
RE: The Wife
(27-07-2015 11:36 PM)Nurse Wrote:  *sigh*

I'm in divorce hell right now with my Christian husband.

Jeez, I thought this was done already.

"If we are honest—and scientists have to be—we must admit that religion is a jumble of false assertions, with no basis in reality.
The very idea of God is a product of the human imagination."
- Paul Dirac
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04-08-2015, 04:01 AM
RE: The Wife
(03-08-2015 11:33 PM)The Organic Chemist Wrote:  
(27-07-2015 11:36 PM)Nurse Wrote:  *sigh*

I'm in divorce hell right now with my Christian husband.

Jeez, I thought this was done already.

I've been refusing to sign until I agree with the terms and have myself protected. I was thinking about changing hospitals a few months ago and didn't want to lose my health insurance and pay outrageous amounts for Cobra when my legal spouse had Blue Cross Blue Shield - he at least owed me time to figure out where I was living and working. Since then I've just been busy and making his life easier and less scandalous to the public eye with his girlfriend is not a priority to me. How you get into a "serious" relationship the week you move out of a house after 8.5 years of marriage...

I'm ready to sign, but as it's presently written, my name legally changes. Not sure how that will affect me at Customs with my passport and I don't want anything messing up my trip next month - he's fucked up enough of my life. I'll probably sign a few days before I leave so it won't have processed - it sits on the judge's desk for 30 days. I'll post updates on my Closire thread when there's news.

"If there's a single thing that life teaches us, it's that wishing doesn't make it so." - Lev Grossman
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04-08-2015, 06:33 AM
RE: The Wife
(04-08-2015 04:01 AM)Nurse Wrote:  
(03-08-2015 11:33 PM)The Organic Chemist Wrote:  Jeez, I thought this was done already.

I've been refusing to sign until I agree with the terms and have myself protected. I was thinking about changing hospitals a few months ago and didn't want to lose my health insurance and pay outrageous amounts for Cobra when my legal spouse had Blue Cross Blue Shield - he at least owed me time to figure out where I was living and working. Since then I've just been busy and making his life easier and less scandalous to the public eye with his girlfriend is not a priority to me. How you get into a "serious" relationship the week you move out of a house after 8.5 years of marriage...

I'm ready to sign, but as it's presently written, my name legally changes. Not sure how that will affect me at Customs with my passport and I don't want anything messing up my trip next month - he's fucked up enough of my life. I'll probably sign a few days before I leave so it won't have processed - it sits on the judge's desk for 30 days. I'll post updates on my Closire thread when there's news.

Hug

"If we are honest—and scientists have to be—we must admit that religion is a jumble of false assertions, with no basis in reality.
The very idea of God is a product of the human imagination."
- Paul Dirac
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04-08-2015, 07:57 AM
RE: The Wife
(27-07-2015 09:17 AM)Octapulse Wrote:  I hinted towards my wife a few months ago that I don't really know that I believe in god anymore and she immediately said, if that's the case then our relationship is over.

Blink Shocking

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I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
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