The closet..
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14-10-2015, 03:52 AM
RE: The closet..
(14-10-2015 03:11 AM)undergroundp Wrote:  Lightvader, remember this is the Personal Issues and Support section. That's all I'm going to say.
*looks at section*

Heh Blush
I didn't even notice the section.
@Suzy
Sorry I bothered you,, I'll just leave.

I don't really like going outside.
It's too damn "peopley" out there....
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14-10-2015, 04:53 AM
RE: The closet..
Suzy- please ignore LV being a dick. He will get 30 lashes from a wet noodle when the FSM gets home.

I agree with Matilda, big announcements rarely go over well. You can, over time. let the conversation naturally flow in that direction. When they get curious enough to ask, tell them you are having questions and doubts. It's honest. This isn't a one day conversation, and it usually goes over better taken in steps. Eventually you get to the place where everyone just knows you no longer believe because you have been doubting for a long time, and when asked you reply with really good, well thought out points.


Since you have said this is a new position for you, I think it's important to start slow because you need to be prepared when the pushback happens and better to get some practice with that with people who are more of aquaintances before it's the people you love and care about most. Get some experience with it.

Just try replacing"I'm an atheist " with "I'm pregnant". even if you don't make a big announcement, eventually everyone will know and it will be out in the open. Just stop trying to hide it.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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14-10-2015, 04:59 AM
RE: The closet..
oh, and as general rule of thumb, IMO, coming out at Christmas is NOT a good time....it fucks up holidays because everyone is bitchy, people are already in that "war on Christmas" mode, fucking Jesus shit everywhere..... if you haven't brought it up by Halloween then keep your mouth shut till New Years Angel


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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14-10-2015, 05:41 AM
The closet..
What does it matter if they know? Being an atheist should be a non issue to yourself. Unless you are confronted with it in a militant way then just don't think about it.
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14-10-2015, 06:01 AM
RE: The closet..
Stay in the closet until you're ready to come out of it; there will almost certainly be repercussions from your disclosure. You will move from doing-well person to at-risk-of-damnation person in the minds of some of your family, and unwanted things can come of that.

I'm not advocating hiding, and certainly I don't recommend that you outright lie to your family unless you choose to do so. It's more about controlling the release of the message so that it comes at a time when you feel willing to handle some extra emotional turmoil.
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14-10-2015, 07:59 AM
RE: The closet..
(13-10-2015 10:04 PM)Suzykw Wrote:  I didn't see a thread for this, if I missed it.. my apologies.
No need to apologize. That's what this section is for. You need advice on your life, and it's easiest to see when it's in it's own thread.
Quote:So as I said in my introduction, I've been an atheist since August.. so still brand new. And something that keeps crossing my mind, is how to tell my family.

They are Southern baptists, they do not go to church but they are firm believers. I have some close friends who know, and of course my boyfriend. But my family.. I'm really nervous about.

1. I don't want to upset them, I don't want my mom, who believes so strongly to be scared for my soul.
This is going to happen regardless. My mother still worries about my eternal soul, and it's been a few years since I came out to my family. You will get people telling you that they are praying for you to come back into the fold. I've always told them that if God exists and really really wants me back in church, he'll know how to accomplish that. That generally at least gets them to shut up about it. How could they possibly know better than God?
Quote:2. My sister and I struggle as it is, and she will most likely disown me.. I can live with that.. except I'd miss my niece and nephew terribly.
Yeah... This is probably going to happen to some extent as well. My sister and I aren't speaking and several family members won't let the "evil heathen" around their children unsupervised. Dodgy

Its an unfortunate side effect of ignorance and bigotry. But honestly, I've come to the conclusion that if I weren't related to these people, there's no way in hell I'd ever associate with them, so aside from missing out on the kiddos, it's no real loss.

Quote:My theist friends that I haven't told, I am not too worried about.. they can take it or not,, it's up to them.

So my main delima is my family. I don't see them very often.. maybe once a year. They live in Georgia, I'm in Washington state.. but we do talk on the phone a lot, so we are not distant as far as that goes.

I want to live an authentic life, but is it worth it at the expense of breaking my parents hearts?

Any thoughts or advice would be great.


When I came out, I just sort of slipped into it. I kinda got outted by someone who didn't know it was still mostly a secret. I was mortified, but the cat was out of the bag. I just decided from then on that I would live my life as though my apostasy weren't news or anything to be concerned with. It simply was. And that tactic has served me well. Acting like it was old news when people brought it up tended to make them more uncomfortable about asking questions than it made me to be asked. I'll answer questions honestly and frankly, but I'm not out there pushing my atheism in anyone's face.

I still get called a militant atheist whenever I post something from FFRF or AHA. Dodgy

Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense. You're just not keeping up.

"Let me give you some advice, bastard: never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you." - Tyrion Lannister
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14-10-2015, 09:00 AM
RE: The closet..
(14-10-2015 04:59 AM)Bows and Arrows Wrote:  oh, and as general rule of thumb, IMO, coming out at Christmas is NOT a good time....it fucks up holidays because everyone is bitchy, people are already in that "war on Christmas" mode, fucking Jesus shit everywhere..... if you haven't brought it up by Halloween then keep your mouth shut till New Years Angel

It is seldom that I do a real lol, but this did it Bows and Arrows!

I think there are some excellent comments posted here Suzy. I think the coming out slowly strategy is the way to go. Even introducing the idea that you are not very religious, but "spiritual" (whatever that means) would inform your family of the fact that you are in a different place without bringing up the A-word.
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14-10-2015, 09:19 AM (This post was last modified: 14-10-2015 09:26 AM by jennybee.)
RE: The closet..
(14-10-2015 06:01 AM)julep Wrote:  Stay in the closet until you're ready to come out of it; there will almost certainly be repercussions from your disclosure. You will move from doing-well person to at-risk-of-damnation person in the minds of some of your family, and unwanted things can come of that.

I'm not advocating hiding, and certainly I don't recommend that you outright lie to your family unless you choose to do so. It's more about controlling the release of the message so that it comes at a time when you feel willing to handle some extra emotional turmoil.

Yes, definitely don't lie to your family. But to me lying and not mentioning are two totally different things. If my theist friends/family who are not aware of my atheism flat out asked me if I was an atheist, I would say yes. My ultra religious family members who don't now, I don't go to church with anyway. The only time I have ever heard anything religious from them is the "I'm praying for you" thing over xyz. I just say thank you and move on. It would be the equivalent of them saying "I am going to do a war dance for you to make sure you get this new job you want." It's just as ludicrous.

As I mentioned, these particular family members are ultra-religious. And I do know they are the type of people who would spend their days and nights in constant worry over my very soul. Hobo In my situation, I feel I am looking out for them by not giving them something to spend hours worrying about. Whether they know I am an atheist or not has no effect on me. I still live my life as an atheist. I also see that my Christian friend has latched on to religion as a coping mechanism for addiction, I really don't want to do anything to pull the rug out from under him since it seems to be working for him and he is not a militant theist.

I think you just need to weigh the pros and cons of your particular situation and do what you feel is best for you and the people in your life. Imo, just don't let your motivation to tell people be based on your not feeling like you are a "good enough" atheist if you don't.

"Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and stars mirrored in your own being." -Rumi
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14-10-2015, 12:32 PM
RE: The closet..
Thank you everyone, extremely helpful. I agree with the holidays not being the time for it.

I'll think I'll go with the flow and see what happens.


Thank you all.


And UV, I wasn't offended.. annoyed by not offended.. no worries.

It's easier to fool people, than to convenience them that they have been fooled. --Mark Twain
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18-10-2015, 09:46 AM
RE: The closet..
You will say nothing out of respect for your parents. If you mother offers to pray or give you god's blessing you will accept it with good graces and tell her you love her.
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