The holiday season
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26-11-2012, 06:33 PM (This post was last modified: 27-11-2012 03:46 AM by Leela.)
The holiday season
In short: I feel nothing

A bit more detail:
So the holiday season is coming up. I know for US people it started with thanksgiving. Here it starts in December.
When I was little we celebrated easter and Nikolaus (like a santa that brings only sweets on 6th December) and Christmas (Santa bringing presents. but it is not the same santa.... makes no sense if you don't know Nikolaus... sorry)
So anyway.
My mom always tried to make it very nice for me but something was always missing.
My father and my brothers were never there. Not for holidays and not for anything else. So it was either my mom and me or we were at my grand parents. And sure I got excited when the tree was standing, and we made music, and I was allowed to have some cookies and all of that. So I was not missing out on Christmas at all (apart from not having the family together).

But once I wasn't a child anymore, I completely stopped feeling anything about the holidays. No matter which. Birthday, Christmas, anything. No feeling, not important. My birthdays have mostly been very disappointing so I stopped looking forward to it. And the rest ... just didn't catch on to me.

Once I got my first own apartment and I got more involved with the witchcraft community I learnt about the true, old meaning of a lot of celebrations. And I started celebrating things that where major things in nature. Like midsummer (Litha), I celebreated spring (Ostara) and I celebrated midwinter (Jul/Yul).
I actually started looking forward to that, I decorated my tiny tree in my tiny apartment and was very happy. I lit a candle every night and I was happy with my cute litte celebration. For the first time this had a meaning and I liked the meaning a lot. And I liked the colors and so on.
Once I left witchcraft I still wanted to celebrate these specific three holidays. Because they are not for any gods, they are simply about specific things in the year that I do still admire.
But I didn't do it anymore. Part is, that it feels so witchcrafty although there are no magical rituals involved... Part is, because I have my man now, and he doesn't really care about these celebrations. (Once they come up again, I will talk about them with him again, as I want to stop missing it).

But right now I am back to feeling absolutely nothing about it. I can remember my happyness about it when I was a kid and how nice it was when I lived alone. But at this time...

I think on the outside I might seem very excited about it, because I am making the living room nice just so my hubby can have a nice christmas there because I know he loves the holiday. I am planning on what to bake and so on but honestly all I look forward to is eating until I hate myself and baking because I love baking. But that is not connected to the holiday. I always wanna eat until I hate myself and I always wanna bake.

See I do not feel hurt or miserable about the holiday itself really.

Any of you guys has that too? Feeling nothing about the holidays...

This is on my mind because this year will be special because it is the first year we are not dirt poor, the first year we are not starving, the house is functioning as we had the cash to fix it before winter.
Also we got some invitations and so on. So it will be very different to what we had before.

So I am kinda curious... Do you think the real excitement is coming at some point? Or am I just really dull by now? No clue... But others already seem so excited that I feel like an alien.

How do you guys approach this time of the year? Feeling good about it? Excited? Depressed? Miserable? Not caring?

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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26-11-2012, 06:37 PM
RE: The Holidayseason
Firstly, there's a space bar mishap going on in the title that is making me crazy.

Secondly, I share your apathy towards the season somewhat. Though I do feel some excitement it's tiny in comparison to how I used to be during the holiday season. I'm not sure if it's because of the beating life has given me in the past few years or what, but I've lost a good deal of my inner child somewhere along the way.

I used to go apeshit insane for both Halloween and Christmas. Now I pretty much just go through the motions with the odd genuine smile.

I dunno.

"I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments." -Jim Morrison
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26-11-2012, 06:58 PM
RE: The Holidayseason
I grew up in a very Christmassy home, even though we weren't all that religous. It was all about food, gifts, and being with family. We still have Christmas dinners with the family, but Christmas has lost a lot of it's appeal for me as well.

In our home, we celebrate the solstices and equinox(es?) instead. We are very tied to the seasons on the farm, so each change we have a big feast to celebrate the beginning of a new part of the seasonal cycle. I find that celebrations are important, especially for the kids, and by celebrating something that is relevant to us makes it way more fun.

Plus, I love Christmas lights.

So many cats, so few good recipes.
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26-11-2012, 11:00 PM
The Holidayseason
Every year I feel less and less excitement for the holiday. But I love the lights and the food and very few select carols of the season. I've attributed my growing apathy to not having my own kids to create a fun Christmas for and to the loss of a beautiful spiritual reason to celebrate, mixed with constantly feeling too broke to buy presents for others.

It was just a fucking apple man, we're sorry okay? Please stop the madness Laugh out load
~Izel
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27-11-2012, 03:47 AM
RE: The Holidayseason
(26-11-2012 06:37 PM)lucradis Wrote:  Firstly, there's a space bar mishap going on in the title that is making me crazy.
space inserted

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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27-11-2012, 04:29 AM
RE: The holiday season
(26-11-2012 06:33 PM)Leela Wrote:  ...
But once I wasn't a child anymore, I completely stopped feeling anything about the holidays. No matter which. Birthday, Christmas, anything. No feeling, not important. My birthdays have mostly been very disappointing so I stopped looking forward to it. And the rest ... just didn't catch on with me.
...

^^^ This.

Except, that feeling did not stop because it never started.

There have been some years that I have been unaware that anyone else was celebrating. New year, too.

The 'milestone' thing is understandable but soooo primitive... "yippee, I survived another year without being eaten or catching plague"

Living on a continuum (no threshholds) is more rational but arguably boring... but then, having no peaks means that one has no troughs either.

Drinking Beverage

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27-11-2012, 05:41 AM
RE: The holiday season
Yeah, nothing much here. Xmas kinda stopped being fun after my grandma died (when I was 13-14), for several reasons, even though at that point I had faith ( Censored ).

Gradually it stopped meaning anything, pretty much the same with the rest of the holidays. I hate being told to feel festive because it's the 25th, the 2nd or whatever and since I work from home and don't even get the bonus of a day or two off, to me it's just another day. If this year I'm not between books, I'll be working, just like any other day. If I'm between books, I'll just relax, as always when not translating.

If I were the celebrating type (and I ain't, hate all sort of ceremony and such crap), I would celebrate seasonal things (as Stark said, and as you used to do). But I'd much rather I was happy, content and at peace every day, than being miserable and then force myself to be in a festive mood on a random day for no reason other than because everybody says I should.

I've spent one Xmas completely on my own (and was still religious then), didn't faze me a bit. And last New Year's Eve I spent totally alone, while everyone else went to Copacabana to 'celebrate'. 'twas possibly one of the best New Years of my life. I was alone for the 1st time in about 3 months (after living with about 20+ people), so I made me a nice dinner, than a nice cocktail with some dessert, watched an epi of QI, saw some fireworks and went to bed. Imagine how much better I felt about my choice of "celebration", when the next day I heard the stories of wading barefoot through piss and shit, seeing girls pee on the beach (while their friend was trying to shield them with an umbrella, while onlookers were singing Ai, se eu te pego - which is wrong on so many levels), spending hours on the subway and basically having a miserable, disgusting and filthy time...

"E se non passa la tristezza con altri occhi la guarderĂ²."
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27-11-2012, 10:32 AM
RE: The holiday season
I hear you Vera. I hate hate new years. I swear. When I was little my grandparents/mom would wake me up to drink something and to see the fireworks. and from the distance they looked pretty.
Then we moved into the city, and we got pets. And that is when it became hell. All the noise already before the fireworks. Drunk people, the animals feel that something is different. Than the sudden noise. I hate noise already because it hurts me, the feat that one of the little rockets starts a fire or crashes into my window, the cats going crazy from the noise, me being annoyed as hell. A few times I was being dragged outside for the fireworks. Everytime it ended badly for me. Once someone through a big hot firecracker under me, the other time I ducked in last second to not get one of those burning flying things in my face, the next time people decided to throw those loud things, that have a long high pitch, at each other with had me end up with tinitus for a few hours (I already tend to tinitus).
Nothing I like about New years!
The first time I was ok with it, that was in Ireland, because there are no rockets and firecrackers. Everything is nice and silent, unless you decide to have a party at your house or you go to a pub.

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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27-11-2012, 10:46 AM
RE: The holiday season
I hear you! That's exactly what New Years is like here (I keep hoping some particularly dumb jerk would take his willy with one of his firecrackers one of these days).

What is worse is that I live in small town, so a lot of our neighbours, incl. my grandparents, when I was a kid, had animals (like livestock) and would have haystacks in their gardens... Haystacks and idiots with firecrackers is not a good combo.

And I hate noise, too; that's the one thing that drives me up a wall. This and not being able to sleep because of others are the two things that turn me into a downright fiend. Evil_monster

"E se non passa la tristezza con altri occhi la guarderĂ²."
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27-11-2012, 11:28 AM
RE: The holiday season
I'm not really crazy about the holidays, either, although I do like some of the things about the holiday season itself.

I like egg nog. I like the way things kind of "feel" like they're slowing down and being calm throughout society. I'm a coffee fan, and a lot of my favorite seasonals show up at this time of year, most notably Pumpkin Spice, Gingerbread, Egg Nog, and French Toast. I like most Christmas music, although some songs do make me want to jump off a bridge (especially "Jingle Bell Rock"). I like going to certain holiday concerts -- a couple of years ago, Kenny G came here for his Christmas show, and that was very enjoyable.

I have my own little holiday traditions as well. I always watch "A Christmas Story" sometime before Christmas day, and I look for the Alistair Sims "A Christmas Carol" as well, although I can't always find it. The Embassy of Norway always does a neat display here at Union Station, including a large model train display, and I usually go to see that every year.

This year, for the first time, I'm buying my own Christmas tree. It's just a little one, about two feet tall, and predecorated, but I just felt like it this year.

Even at all that, though, the actual day itself doesn't do anything for me. It's actually kind of a letdown. I typically spend the day home alone, doing my own thing pretty much the same as I would on a typical weekend, except with a vague feeling of depression because I know that it's a special day for a lot of other people but not for me.
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