The illness thread
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12-09-2015, 11:07 AM
The illness thread
My good friends, Banjo and Adey67, are the inspiration for this thread. Banjo is battling leukemia and I am battling a series of stupid illnesses. I had a colon tumor and they removed 14" of my ascending colon. Then, a few months later, they discovered prostate cancer but not having had regular PSA checks, it was stage 3 when they found it. They cut out my prostate and gave me a bunch of drugs. The drugs apparently caused ulcerative colitis and they also made me puke and bleed out my butt. They suppressed my immune system and I wound up being susceptible to pneumonia. My first bought of pneumonia occurred while my wife and I were on vacation in Punta Cana, Dominican Republic. I spent 14 days in the hospital there, 10 of them in intensive care. I also got pneumonia last March and wound up in intensive care again. Today, I realize there were some very funny things that happened during those illnesses and I'll tell you about some of them. Feel free to laugh even though it's about illness.

The hospital in Punta Cana was wonderful. but for the first week, I was on the verge of dying and I was having hallucinations constantly. I believed there were two small holes in the wall over my bed. At night, a cobra would come out of each hole and hang over my bed. There was a little ledge below the holes and a mouse would appear there and the cobras would try to catch it. They never did and I would get so frustrated that eventually I would catch the mouse and give it to one of them. The cobras never bit me and we got along fine. It was so real that I still believe there were cobras in the walls. I had a dozen other hallucinations which I will tell you about as things go along, if they go along, on this thread. Please share any of your illness stories and don't be embarrassed about anything.

To start the "don't be embarrassed" issue, I'll tell you one of mine that should be embarrassing. Last March when I went to the hospital with pneumonia #2, I passed out while I was sitting on the crapper passing blood. I woke up because people were poking at me. When I woke up, I realized my wife had called 911 and there were 4 firemen and EMTs in my bathroom trying to get me on a gurney. There was blood all over the place [mine] and I demanded that they let me get in the shower before going to the hospital. I don't know why they gave into me but I did get my shower with my wife's help.

C'mon with stories. No illness or injury is too minor because no illness or injury is minor when you are the one suffering it. Smile
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12-09-2015, 11:45 AM
RE: The illness thread
I don't suppose what happened to me was too embarrassing but it was an odd moment.

I had both breasts removed on 10/26/2009 and at the same time tissue expanders were placed that would later be inflated in stages to make room for eventual implants. Part of this surgery included having surgical drains inserted into my sides between my ribs. I had to empty the bulbs and track how much fluid there was so that it could be determined when they could be removed.

[Image: drainbelt.png]

I didn't have that handy little belt to hold the bulbs in place and had to improvise. I spent my recovery on an air mattress upstairs in our office so that the dogs wouldn't be able to climb on me. I wore flannel PJ shirt with the rounded shirt tails like a man's dress shirt. I wore yoga pants. I taped the tubes together just above the bulbs and then safety pinned that tape to the top of the yoga pants. The long ends of the shirts covered the bulbs so that no one had to see the yucky stuff.

One day I walked out onto the landing to speak to my husband who was downstairs. We have an open staircase so we could see each other. He was looking up at me from the couch. He started to laugh...I said 'what?'. He said, "from this angle it looks like you have balls." Dodgy

Swell...I had no boobs any more but apparently an impressive set of nads. fml

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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12-09-2015, 11:49 AM
RE: The illness thread
Shit! I feel so damn lucky! I became hyperthyroid when I was 30. It could have killed me eventually, but the cure was simple and painless: They gave me radioactive iodine to drink, and now I have to take levothyroxin every day. (Generic Synthroid, though back then there was no generic yet.) I was probably 50 when I developed benign prostatic hyperplasia (non-cancerous enlarged prostate). Since then I've had 3 prostate operations (they cut out only as much as they have to each time) which are painful, but routine and pretty safe. In my late 50's I developed atrial fibrillation. The upper chambers of the heart flutter instead of beating properly. The lower chambers try to keep up, but can't. It can be life-threatening, but I had a pulmonary vein ablation and now I'm back to normal. I've had a laser iridotomy to correct narrow angles (an eye condition that can lead to glaucoma if not corrected) and I've had cataract surgery in both eyes and a posterior capsulotomy in the left eye, and now have intra-ocular lenses and better vision than I've ever had in my life. I'm still recovering from surgery to repair an inguinal hernia, but I'm back to almost-normal exercise.

Some of those things could have killed me, but with modern medicine all were pretty simple to correct. Only the third prostate operation gave me signifigant pain, and that was only for a few days. I'm 67 years old and I can still jog, though less than I could 20 years ago, and I can ride the exercise bike (never had the balance for a real bike), and I can hike up and down the sides of mountains all day long. There are people much younger than I who are way ahead of me in the morning, and way behind me by afternoon, and I've had guides tell me I have more stamina than most of their clients, including people much younger.

I really have been lucky about my health. And lucky to be able to afford health care in a country where a lot of people can't. We REALLY need universal, one-payer health care like every other industrial nation in the world.

"El mar se mide por olas,
el cielo por alas,
nosotros por lágrimas."
-- Jaime Sabines
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12-09-2015, 01:21 PM
RE: The illness thread
I'm EXTREMELY lucky when it comes to health and I have nothing much to complain about. I did have a septoplasty two months ago from having both outrageous allergies and a deviated septum. The doctor went in and removed a small bone in the damaged side of my sinus cavity, reduced my turbinates using radiofrequency, put a tiny piece of plastic in my septum and sewed it back up using a quilting stitch. I can actually breath now, my ears don't constantly hurt and I'm getting allergy shots weekly. Modern science is great!

My balance is finally returning to normal after being unsteady for the last year and a half. I just sucked it up and went about my life. I took yoga and dance classes even though I was off balance.

Anyway, the first week home from the operation I had a nose diaper to catch the blood. Something similar to this.

[Image: photo+(1).JPG]

Shakespeare's Comedy of Errors.... on Donald J. Trump:

He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere,
Ill-fac’d, worse bodied, shapeless every where;
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind,
Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
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12-09-2015, 04:21 PM
RE: The illness thread
I knew that Anjele had a double mastectomy and I knew that Dancer had a septoplasty.

I know it is sexist but I'm going to say it anyway -- even with drain bulbs hanging off of you and even with a nose diaper, and even being unable to see Anjele's face, you two women are HOT!!!! [I can say that without being a dirty old man because most of my interest in sex died with my prostate.] A quick story about that. Actually "hot" is a poor choice of words. I should have said "extremely pretty."

The day I came home from the hospital after my prostate was removed, I was lying on the bed reading and my wife came in and asked if there was anything she could do for me. I said, "A blow job would be nice." As quick as a flash, she peeled up the bandage over my incision and blew on it twice then said, "Is that about right?" I started laughing despite that the pain from laughter was severe.
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12-09-2015, 04:27 PM
RE: The illness thread
(12-09-2015 04:21 PM)Black Eagle Wrote:  I knew that Anjele had a double mastectomy and I knew that Dancer had a septoplasty.

I know it is sexist but I'm going to say it anyway -- even with drain bulbs hanging off of you and even with a nose diaper, and even being unable to see Anjele's face, you two women are HOT!!!! [I can say that without being a dirty old man because most of my interest in sex died with my prostate.] A quick story about that. Actually "hot" is a poor choice of words. I should have said "extremely pretty."

The day I came home from the hospital after my prostate was removed, I was lying on the bed reading and my wife came in and asked if there was anything she could do for me. I said, "A blow job would be nice." As quick as a flash, she peeled up the bandage over my incision and blew on it twice then said, "Is that about right?" I started laughing despite that the pain from laughter was severe.

I'd say she's a keeper! ThumbsupYes

Shakespeare's Comedy of Errors.... on Donald J. Trump:

He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere,
Ill-fac’d, worse bodied, shapeless every where;
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind,
Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
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12-09-2015, 04:29 PM
RE: The illness thread
(12-09-2015 01:21 PM)dancefortwo Wrote:  I'm EXTREMELY lucky when it comes to health and I have nothing much to complain about. I did have a septoplasty two months ago from having both outrageous allergies and a deviated septum. The doctor went in and removed a small bone in the damaged side of my sinus cavity, reduced my turbinates using radiofrequency, put a tiny piece of plastic in my septum and sewed it back up using a quilting stitch. I can actually breath now, my ears don't constantly hurt and I'm getting allergy shots weekly. Modern science is great!

My balance is finally returning to normal after being unsteady for the last year and a half. I just sucked it up and went about my life. I took yoga and dance classes even though I was off balance.

Anyway, the first week home from the operation I had a nose diaper to catch the blood. Something similar to this.

[Image: photo+(1).JPG]

Been there, done that...avoided the photo op. Big Grin

I had to go to my job to do payroll with that on my face. Nice! Thumbsup

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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12-09-2015, 04:31 PM
RE: The illness thread
(12-09-2015 04:21 PM)Black Eagle Wrote:  I knew that Anjele had a double mastectomy and I knew that Dancer had a septoplasty.

I know it is sexist but I'm going to say it anyway -- even with drain bulbs hanging off of you and even with a nose diaper, and even being unable to see Anjele's face, you two women are HOT!!!! [I can say that without being a dirty old man because most of my interest in sex died with my prostate.] A quick story about that. Actually "hot" is a poor choice of words. I should have said "extremely pretty."

The day I came home from the hospital after my prostate was removed, I was lying on the bed reading and my wife came in and asked if there was anything she could do for me. I said, "A blow job would be nice." As quick as a flash, she peeled up the bandage over my incision and blew on it twice then said, "Is that about right?" I started laughing despite that the pain from laughter was severe.

That's hysterical! There are times that if you don't laugh, you will cry. And crying won't help a damn thing in those situations.

I like your wife already. Thumbsup

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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12-09-2015, 04:42 PM
RE: The illness thread
Thought of another silly thing that happened to me. In March of 2010 the expanders were removed and the implants put in place. I had special bras and wraps to wear so that the implants were held in place as well as the bandaging. After the incisions healed I went to an upscale department store to buy a couple of bras as I still needed to be sure that I had good support for a while.

I was looking around the lingerie department when a lady came up and asked if she could help me. I figured that wasn't a bad deal as there were some specific things that I had to avoid such as underwires and there were some other things my plastic surgeon suggested that I get or not get.

I told her I need some new bras and needed help getting a good fit. She asked what size I needed...I said I didn't know, at that point I realized that I didn't know...she got the most peculiar look on her face - I am sure her first thought was 'how can a woman of this age not have any idea what her bra size is?'.

I explained and she was quite helpful but it was a little weird and uncomfortable there for a moment.

Here, stranger, I have never, ever seen before...let me reveal some private details of my life...cause, why the fuck not. Facepalm

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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12-09-2015, 04:46 PM
RE: The illness thread
There's always something when you're ill. This morning and yesterday I have no hot water. Being so weak I cannot face a cold shower. I will ring the owner and ask if I can get a plumber in today. Not easy, being sunday.

One night, the day after collapsing beside the ambo, I went to pee. The next thing I knew I was waking up beside the toilet. I'd collapsed. I had to crawl back into the lounge and call the ambos. Smile

Hallucinations have been a bit of a constant with me. I'm just lucky to be alive.

I am very pleased Black Eagle has started his thread. Be sure to keep us updated. Many here have been very ill. We and others understand and are here for you.

Sorry to blab about my own problems here. It was only to let you know I relate and understand. I'll be here for you.

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
Banjo.
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