The new man

[Observer]

I'm one of those " new men"

You know, I know how to cook (and quite well I'm told) and do so every day. I know how to clean and use the vacuum cleaner. I even know -and like- to operate the washing machine.

I can do shopping and even know my wife's brand of monthly hygiene napkins. When she asks me the "is my ass fat in this outfit" question, I can give her honest and gentle feedback on why and why not.

Changing diapers has no secret to me. warming and giving a bottle either. I know how to clean a children nose and I know how to tuck them in (the children, not the nose).

Basically, when my wife is late from work and I am not, there is not much for her to worry about any more.

Honestly. I LIKE doings those things. It brings peace to my mind.

I'd think our relationship might be running smooth as a train on a track.

Somehow, i't isn't...

There are days that I can't seem to be doing anything right, or that she keeps asking me about things that I haven't done yet.



Lately I've been thinking that that might be because that, as a new man, I'm standing on "sacred female ground", "trampling the clean lawns of the female heir". It's hard to explain. I get the feeling that, I might be good at doing al that "new many stuff" I've never be as good as if I was a woman doing it. Just because it's supposed to be done by them.

Do woman some have a problem giving their place op? Just like men have?

If so...
I'd rather go back to overhauling my motorcycle and rebuilding the attic. I can do those things too.

And beer...
drinking beer...

I'd love to get input from the female members.

[bemore]

Maybe there are other stresses and strains in life other than you that are bringing her down slightly making her a bit snappy.

Was you the general stereotypical beer drinking layabout that didnt do any housework when you first met her or have you allways been like this "new man"....... caus if you go down that route she might not like the person you become and you might not like what you turn into...... if you didnt enjoy doing the things you do today, participating towards the household, you wouldnt be doing them.

[kim]

(14-08-2012 02:20 PM)Observer Wrote:  Do woman some have a problem giving their place op? Just like men have?

You might have something there. It might be a general, territorial thing.

However, it could be more personal for her as well.
Maybe she's feeling insecure, like she's not doing enough and it worries her. Maybe this is her way of expressing her resentment; you are able to do your thing, and are also able to do the stuff that she's supposed to be doing. She might feel guilty that she can't keep up.

Let her know that you have been feeling as if you are getting on her nerves lately.

"Basically, when my wife is late from work and I am not, there is not much for her to worry about any more.

Honestly. I LIKE doings those things. It brings peace to my mind.

I'd think our relationship might be running smooth as a train on a track.

Somehow, i't isn't...

There are days that I can't seem to be doing anything right, or that she keeps asking me about things that I haven't done yet."

Those things are perfectly reasonable for you to ask her about, and presenting this to her might reassure her a great deal.

To be honest, just talking to her about the relationship in the context of "working on it together" can be a mountain of reassurance.

[kim]

(14-08-2012 03:29 PM)bemore Wrote:  ... the general stereotypical beer drinking layabout that didnt do any housework ...

Wah? Have you been stalking me, Bemore?!?!?

[Erxomai]

Obsy, you should have ended your post with: "No Homo."

[bemore]

(14-08-2012 03:50 PM)kim Wrote:  

(14-08-2012 03:29 PM)bemore Wrote:  ... the general stereotypical beer drinking layabout that didnt do any housework ...

Wah? Have you been stalking me, Bemore?!?!?

Ive been nowhere near your washing line

(ok I admit I stole a frilly pair )

[LadyJane]

I know someone in a role reversal right now. The female does a lot of the traditional domestic duties and she is also the major income of the family. She does traditional 'male' things as well, like build the front steps and fix the plumbing. She is a super woman (person). But the male partner is constantly on her case about how stuff isn't enough or done right in the first place. It's kind of trying to watch, and a bit awkward. They are both great people, but the one is super insecure I think, and maybe a bit jealous. Not saying this is your case, but I think Kim is on to something. Some underlaying issue that has nothing to do with the actual daily living activities. Everyone needs to feel purpose and needed in our family units.

[Dom]

My husband did the laundry, dishes, vacuuming and all shopping and errands. I cooked (cause I love to, it's relaxing to me) and made the money.

I travelled a lot and he held down the fort. He wanted it that way, he said I could go anywhwere I wanted to as long as he didn't have to come along. (he was retired military and had done his share of travelling and was sick of it). So I went to conferences in many parts of the world til I got sick of flying so much.

Pretty much if either of us wanted to do aything, the other helped and supported it. It didn't matter whether we shared the interest or not. We never put limitations on each other. He had his man cave to watch his sports, which didn't interest me. I have my office to play on the computer, which he didn't care for.

To outsiders we didn't have much in common, except for a love of animals of all types. But really, we had stronger ties than most people I know. We were true partners.

I think a lot of trouble in relationships arise because one or both people feel they are being stifled. Who says couples have to like and do the same things? Who says they have to fit any stereotype gender roles?

Damn I miss him!

[aurora]

Wish I could meet a guy like you, Observer! The things you are doing are fantastic and certainly take the load off your wife. Personally, I can't understand why that would upset her as most women complain all the time about hubby not chipping in enough around the house. (I've always had a problem with men not pulling their weight except for one)
Imo, I think it could be something else so the old 'heart to heart' chat might be the way to go...

[Erxomai]

(14-08-2012 06:34 PM)aurora Wrote:  Wish I could meet a guy like you, Observer! The things you are doing are fantastic and certainly take the load off your wife. Personally, I can't understand why that would upset her as most women complain all the time about hubby not chipping in enough around the house. (I've always had a problem with men not pulling their weight except for one)
Imo, I think it could be something else so the old 'heart to heart' chat might be the way to go...

I wish I could meet a woman like you, Observer.