The offensive jokes thread

[Chas]

(21-04-2013 02:02 AM)DLJ Wrote:  

(21-04-2013 12:40 AM)My proboscis sucks Wrote:  My brain is fucked up. When I heard about the Boston marathon bombing, my brain immediately came up with a fucked up joke

Where did the Boston marathon runner go during the bombing?

Everywhere

Too soon, dude, too soon.

But that's what makes it so charmingly offensive.

[DLJ]

(21-04-2013 05:27 AM)Chas Wrote:  

(21-04-2013 02:02 AM)DLJ Wrote:  Too soon, dude, too soon.

But that's what makes it so charmingly offensive.

"charmingly offensive"

I think I'll put that in the 'Motto' thread.

[DLJ]

Much Frankie Boyle... no surprise there.

[DancingSkeletons]

What's the difference between a hamburger and a dead baby?

I don't fuck the hamburger before I eat it.

[My proboscis sucks]

Mexican jokes time!

How many Mexicans does it take to screw it a light bulb? Just Juan.

What do you call a Mexican without a car? Carlos

What is a Mexican's favorite book? Tequila Mockingbird

Black jokes and Mexican jokes are all the same. Once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal

[Revenant77x]

2 necrophiliacs are having lunch after not seeing each other for some time.

Necro #1 " So how'd that new girlfriend of yours work out?"

Necro 2 "That rotten cunt split on me."

[FSM_scot]

I couldn't believe that ITV broadcasted the sex offenders' register.
...Then I realised I was watching the credits for Coronation Street.

I just explained Google images to my mum.

"Pick anything to search for" I told her.
"What about a nice cream pie?" She asked.

"Except that." I replied.

[4ntonio4guilar]

[Bucky Ball]

[yumeji]

My girlfriend texted me the other day and said, "I'm about to watch Titanic - tissues at the ready!"
I replied, "I'm about to watch the Hannah Montana Movie - tissues at the ready!"
She never replied.

What does NAACP stand for?
Now Apes Are Called People.

What does it mean when your woman comes out of the kitchen yelling at you?
The leash is too long.

Why do more blacks get hit by cars in the winter?
They're easier to spot.

Why are blacks getting stronger?
T.V.s are getting bigger.

Why do Sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
So they don't get mistaken for feminists.

How do you make an orphans hands bleed?
Tell her to clap hands until daddy comes home.

What would you call a lesbian with thick fingers?
Well-hung.

How can you tell a Jewish house?
Toilet paper on the washing line.

What's the difference between pizzas and Jews?
Pizzas don't scream in the oven.

Two Jewish businessmen meet in the street.
"Oy, Abraham, I'm sorry to hear about that fire at your warehouse".
"Ssh!" hisses the other, "It's not till next week".

What's yellow and goes "cheep, cheep"?
A Chinese prostitute.

Why did God give Niggers rhythm?
Compensation, because he fucked up their hair.

Why are camels called "Ships of the Desert"?
Because they're full of Muslim semen.

What's small, red and crawls up women's legs?
A homesick abortion.

How many times does a baby revolve in the microwave before it explodes?
I don't know; I'm always too busy wanking to count.

What's got 8 legs and makes women scream?
Gang-rape.

A man called into work and said "I'm sorry I won't be coming in to work today, I'm sick."
The boss asks "Well how sick are you?" to which the man replied "I'm in bed with my son"

Whats long, black and smells like shit?
The welfare line.

What do apples and black boys have in common?
They both look good hanging from trees.

How can you tell if a black man is well hung?
When you can't fit your fingers between his neck and the noose.

Why does Beyonce always say "To the left, to the left?"
Because black people have no rights.

How can you fit 100 Jews in a Volkswagen?
Two in the front seats, two in the back seats and rest in the ashtray.

How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?
AIDS.

What do you do after you rape a blind, dumb, deaf girl?
Break her fingers so they can't tell anybody.

Say what you like about pedophiles but at least they drive slowly past schools.

And a picture to end this list: