The official "Things That Aren't in the Bible" thread
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22-12-2011, 02:55 PM
RE: The official "Things That Aren't in the Bible" thread
(22-12-2011 02:50 PM)TheSixthGlass Wrote:  How about this one - a physical description of Jesus?

I love it - supposedly the single greatest being who ever lived - the one person/god/zombie that is central to life on Earth, and our eternal souls, and well, everything ever in the history of forever, and no one even mentions what he looked like.

Eh, he was probably fairly typical European. Right?

This was posted a while back. A picture of what Jesus most likely looked like if he existed.



[Image: tb_jesuslead-lg-mdn.jpg]



And the story.

"Ain't got no last words to say, yellow streak right up my spine. The gun in my mouth was real and the taste blew my mind."

"We see you cry. We turn your head. Then we slap your face. We see you try. We see you fail. Some things never change."
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22-12-2011, 02:56 PM
RE: The official "Things That Aren't in the Bible" thread
(13-12-2011 11:26 PM)Erxomai Wrote:  You're right. I shouldn't have trusted my undergrad and master's classes in Biblical studies.

Just think Eric - now you can invest your educational training to something really useful - like 17th century French poetry... Wink

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22-12-2011, 03:23 PM
RE: The official "Things That Aren't in the Bible" thread
(22-12-2011 02:50 PM)TheSixthGlass Wrote:  How about this one - a physical description of Jesus?

I love it - supposedly the single greatest being who ever lived - the one person/god/zombie that is central to life on Earth, and our eternal souls, and well, everything ever in the history of forever, and no one even mentions what he looked like.

Eh, he was probably fairly typical European. Right?

If I were christian I would say that because God made a commandment about making no images of what is in heaven, and since Jesus was god on earth, then to give a description of him in the bible would tempt some to make a graven image of god. Probably the same idea behind the muslims not making any pictures of mohamed. That worked out well!

Besides this makes Jesus more cosmopolitian. The asians can have an asian jesus, the africans can have an african jesus, americans can have Rick Perry...
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22-12-2011, 03:25 PM
RE: The official "Things That Aren't in the Bible" thread
yeah but there is a graven image of jesus which catholics kiss

I'm not a non believer, I believe in the possibility of anything. I just don't let the actuality of something be determined by a 3rd party.
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07-10-2017, 09:06 AM (This post was last modified: 07-10-2017 10:21 AM by unsapien.)
RE: The official "Things That Aren't in the Bible" thread
Well if this is going to be necro thread month let's at least pick good threads...

Man I miss Buddy Christ... he had the best threads...

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"If we're going to be damned, let's be damned for what we really are." - Captain Picard
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07-10-2017, 10:10 AM
RE: The official "Things That Aren't in the Bible" thread
(07-10-2017 09:06 AM)unsapien Wrote:  Well if this is going to be necro thread month lets at least pick good threads...

Man I miss Buddy Christ... he had the best threads...

He was before my time as well. I like his Bible series and a lot of his threads. Maybe he'll come back at some point?

"Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and stars mirrored in your own being." -Rumi
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07-10-2017, 11:25 AM
RE: The official "Things That Aren't in the Bible" thread
(22-12-2011 02:50 PM)TheSixthGlass Wrote:  How about this one - a physical description of Jesus?

I love it - supposedly the single greatest being who ever lived - the one person/god/zombie that is central to life on Earth, and our eternal souls, and well, everything ever in the history of forever, and no one even mentions what he looked like.

Eh, he was probably fairly typical European. Right?

And another thing that's not in the Bible that's always fun to point out - anything that anyone even considers to be written by Jesus. Shit man, god himself comes down from heaven to tell us all what's what (maybe even stop some motherfuckin' bullets) and he can't even jot down a note? I got to hear it second hand (and third hand, and fourth hand, and fifth hand, ad infinitum) from everyone else? Solid plan there Jesus. Rock solid.

However, I do realize that these things I've pointed out are not necessarily in the same category as the other things you all have discussed, but these have always been interesting to me.

Isaiah 53:2
“For he shall grow up before him as a tender plant, and as a root out of a dry ground: he hath no form nor comeliness; and when we shall see him, there is no beauty that we should desire him.”

If Isaiah is a prophecy of Jesus, which is widely asserted, then Jesus was not a beautiful man. And I have seen this verse quoted to that point. No Aryan Jesus here.

And the day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the supreme being as his father in the womb of a virgin will be classed with the fable of the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter
- Thomas Jefferson

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07-10-2017, 02:11 PM
RE: The official "Things That Aren't in the Bible" thread
(13-12-2011 11:38 AM)Erxomai Wrote:  
(13-12-2011 10:36 AM)Chas Wrote:  The following might be interpreted as anti-masturbation.
Genesis 38:9-10
But Onan knew that the offspring would not be his. So whenever he went in to his brother's wife he would waste the semen on the ground, so as not to give offspring to his brother. And what he did was wicked in the sight of the Lord, and he put him to death also.

I've already addressed this somewhere else. Protestants do not believe Onanism has anything to do with masturbation (...unless Apostate can show me where they did. Probably should say, "modern" protestants). His "sin" was that he pulled out before ejaculation so he wouldn't get his brother's widow preggers. It's still a stupid story, but it hasn't anything to do with the topic of masturbation. He was "commanded" to impregnate his dead brother's wife because in the ancient Hebrew mind, this was immortality...having your progeny carry on your name and inherit your land. Onan wanted his own sons and his own lands and didn't want to plant his seed in his sister-in-law. And if you've seen my sister-in-law, I sure don't blame him one bit! So YHWH kills him because he disobeyed, not because he was fappin' off in the outhouse.

PS...Oh, but Catholics certainly have used the passage to tell little boys they'll die if they jerk off.
Exactly. Onanism is not masturbation, it's failing to continue the family line of a deceased sibling according to the customs and values of the day.

The only thing in common between masturbation and what Onan did, is that (the bulk of) one's ejaculate goes someplace other than a woman's vagina. There the similarity ends. But I'm sure that's enough to construct an unjustified cautionary tale against masturbation for those who want to frighten little boys into being afraid of their own sexuality.
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