The shit just hit the fan
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13-11-2014, 04:43 PM
The shit just hit the fan
A very brief background info...
I was raised in the south by laying on of hands, tongue speaking, nondenominational Christian parents. FYI that's a special kind of crazy. My childhood consisted of contemporary christian music, NO MTV, no pg-13 movies and absolutely NO Halloween participation.

I am now 30 years old, with two children, my own home, and a career. I began, for various reasons, my deconversion process about 2-3 years ago. I have considered myself an atheist for a little over a year now.

4 years ago my mom was diagnosed with a terminal illness that continues to worsen. Needless to say, in an effort to keep her emotionally happy I have not "come out" to her as an atheist. Most my other family knows and several friends as well. Surprisingly I haven't encountered many issues. That is huge considering there is 1 church for every three square miles in the town I live in.

I haven't had any issues until today...

So I have learned a shit load recently in my job. In an effort to build rapport with my dad I thought I would share what I have learned and he might appreciate that.

Hell no. All he wanted to do was critique what I have learned and the vendor I am trying to build a relationship with.

It was bad. I went off and told him I was done dealing with him and that he is an impossible person to talk to. Note: my father has always been difficult.

Then my mom proceeds to (no joke) point her finger at me and ask me where I think I would go for eternity today if I was to die.

So I sit there dumb founded for a few seconds. Trying to decide how I want to proceed. Pretend I believe in heaven and go that route or just come out and tell her that I have left her religion.

So I decide this isnt the right time to drop that bomb on her. And I tell her its none of her business and that's between me and god. And in hindsight that's not the best answer.

She proceeds to point her finger at me and almost in a bitter tone try to scare the hell out of me with the end of times crap and how I better know where I'm going. Then she sees that's not working and changes gears to the we don't know how much longer my mom has to live and how she wants to die in peace knowing I will be in heaven with her. Saying she doesn't want to die not knowing my eternal fate.

Anyway it was a huge fiasco and I would have been better off not even trying to talk to them. I left their house with promises from my mom that she would be praying for me.

For what it's worth I love my mom dearly and wish no emotional or mental harm upon her. But OMG I can't do this pretending game much longer. But also can't say anything to her because I want her to be happy and stress free and just enjoy the time we have left together.

So sorry for the long rant. Especially as a newbie. Kudos to anyone who has read my short novel.

I apologize for any misspellings or grammatical errors as I was typing on my phone. Also not sure if this was the right place to post but it seemed to be a good spot.
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13-11-2014, 04:52 PM
RE: The shit just hit the fan
Do your think your mum has head from someone else that you are an atheist? Why would she ask you questions such as where you are going to spend eternity if she assumed that you were a Christian?
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13-11-2014, 04:53 PM
RE: The shit just hit the fan
That's a tough spot to be in.
I hope you can all find some middle ground with the time you have left together.
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13-11-2014, 04:56 PM
RE: The shit just hit the fan
Oh boy, not at all an easy spot to find yourself in. I would feel exactly the same way. I have also huge trouble faking it, I always avoid it.....

And with your mom passing soon, it really feels like faking it would be the kind thing to do.

I really don't know what to tell you. You know them and yourself better than anyone.

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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13-11-2014, 05:08 PM
RE: The shit just hit the fan
You do not underestimate the effectiveness of changing the topic of conversation at a moment's notice. Even if you make it look like you've been thinking about something else and haven't really heard what your mother has said. Or you can make it look like something she has said has started you thinking about something else. You can nip such conversations in the bud if you don't react to the initial question. Of course your mother will continue to ask such questions but it can buy you some time. They key thing is not to show any reaction to her questions.

e.g.

"Do you know where you will be spending eternity?"
"That reminds me, how is X doing from the church?"
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13-11-2014, 05:10 PM (This post was last modified: 13-11-2014 05:32 PM by GirlyMan.)
RE: The shit just hit the fan
(13-11-2014 04:43 PM)TN Skeptic Wrote:  I left their house with promises from my mom that she would be praying for me.

My dear old mum's been praying for my sorry hellbound heathen ass going on some 40 years now. Hell if it makes her happy and gives her something to do makes no nevermind to me. She hasn't tried to save me though since I told her about Karl Barth and the concept of universal reconciliation. "Mom, you diminish and blaspheme the sacrifice of The Christ as the Savior of all mankind when you require personal belief. Who the fuck am I that my personal belief should mean dick? That's just fucking arrogant. We are all going to Heaven regardless of what any of us believe." She still prays for me though, God bless her.

On the other hand ...



There is only one really serious philosophical question, and that is suicide. -Camus
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13-11-2014, 05:13 PM
RE: The shit just hit the fan
(13-11-2014 04:52 PM)Mathilda Wrote:  Do your think your mum has head from someone else that you are an atheist? Why would she ask you questions such as where you are going to spend eternity if she assumed that you were a Christian?

I have thought the same thing...perhaps someone might have mentioned it to her. I would hope that those that do know would take care not to get her overly worried.

We left our church 18 months ago and have been "in between churches" ever since. Or at least that's my story. So it could be she just thinks I am a back sliding christian that needs a bit of fire and brimstone to get motivated.
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13-11-2014, 05:21 PM
RE: The shit just hit the fan
Being in Heaven for a sqillion years plus with family and friends really worried me.
Well, I mean, even if you loved them heaps, that's a hell of a long time.

Had a look at reincarnation; not too satisfying eitherHuh

"Eternal life? When's it all going to end" Tom Stoppard.
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13-11-2014, 05:28 PM
RE: The shit just hit the fan
(13-11-2014 04:52 PM)Mathilda Wrote:  Do you think your mum has head from someone else
...

Dodgy I hope that's a typo.

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13-11-2014, 06:31 PM
RE: The shit just hit the fan
Also worthy to note that when we left the church my son was 8 at the time. I wasn't sure what direction we were headed in and definitely didn't know how to tell him that I was questioning everything I had taught him about god since he was born.

Since then I have allowed my parents to continue to take my children to their church. Now when my kids get home we talk about what they learned and try to teach them to honestly think about what were taught. It's a tough situation. I'm sure there is a better way to handle it without putting my little ones in the middle and without hurting someone.

Shew...it's just one hot mess!!!
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