The tale of the perfect father
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03-07-2013, 12:00 PM
Star The tale of the perfect father
Walking down the street one day I come upon a beautiful woman. This woman is beautiful both inside and out. I fall in love. I approach this lady and her husband and inform them that I have chosen her to bear me a son and his name shall be Bob. When Bob is born, I tell him that because I created him he is mine. I inform him that he is a worthless pile of dung without me and that he constantly falls short of my expectation. The only way for him to please me his creator is to follow my word expressly. He is to live his life under my rule and none other. I choose who he will marry, what he will eat, where he will go, and how long he will live. If he ever even thinks about listening to anyone other than me, I will burn him. Not only will I burn him, I will burn part of him, let him heal, and then burn him again. I will change my rules multiple times and expect him to follow each to perfection. I will not speak to him directly. I will instead instruct his half brother, whom I have also made, to be a go between because I am obviously too good to speak to such a low life as Bob directly. He would simply die of awe at the sight of my greatness.

Now, Bob is not perfect. I did not make him so. Therefore, he is unable to follow my commands satisfactorily. And so, I must continually punish him. He must labor for everything he gets. He plants a row of corn and I knock it down. He raises a goat and I require him to kill it in reverence of me. He takes a drink of water and I put bugs in it. All in the hopes that he will realize his worthlessness and come beg me for forgiveness. I do love him after all. I want him to succeed.

And it came to pass that I allowed Bob to have a son of his own. Being the incompetent little shit he is, the child was a disaster. I knew this before he even conceived the child, but let him do it nonetheless. And so, because my grandson has taken after his damned father, I must continue my torment on him. I do so ever hope that one day at least a few of my offspring manage to meet my criteria. I don't think it very likely. At least matches are cheap....

Aren't I a good dad? The Christians certainly think so!!

"Your mind is twice a valuable as your body. And your ears are twice as valuable as your mouth. People will pay you based on which you use." - A very smart old lawyer
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03-07-2013, 12:43 PM
RE: The tale of the perfect father
Damn! It's hell being a dad...I'm sorry Bob put you through so much...
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