The worst mother ever
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14-11-2013, 06:31 PM
The worst mother ever
I have been really sick this past week. My youngest (13 months) is also sick. I just felt so exhausted today and I thought maybe if I could get some rest I would feel a little better. I put the baby down for a nap at 12:30 and set up a movie for my 4 and 5 year olds to watch. Then I took some medicine and passed out. I woke up at 1:15 and had 3 missed calls from my next door neighbor who hardly ever calls me. So I called her back. She answers her phone and tells me she has my kids who are covered in mud. She saw them playing in my back yard and got them because she knew I never let them play outside by themselves so she figured something was wrong. I had a long talk with them about how they can never go outside without my permission and someone old enough to take care of them. I told them how dangerous it could be for them to not have a grown up to protect them. I tried really hard to get that balance of explaining the dangers without completely terrifying them. It took everything I had to keep from crying while they were still in the room. My kids know better than to go outside without me. They know it's not okay. What kind of mother sleeps through that? What kind of mother doesn't know where her kids are? I am so glad my kids are alright. I think of the endless list of horrible things that could have happened and I just feel like I have completely failed as a mother. Well, anyways, I just wanted to get that off my chest.
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14-11-2013, 06:57 PM
RE: The worst mother ever
Hug don't beat yourself up! The fact that you care shows you are a great mom. You were sick, and did your best to make sure they were occupied while you caught a nap.

I'd best most parents have stories similar to yours. Everything turned out ok! By the way, bake that neighbor a cake, throw her a parade, she is awesome!!

You didn't fail. If you are worried that they didn't get the message, invest in some child safety locks for the doors. Even a latch from the hardware store that's out of their reach would work.

Don't be afraid of scaring them when real danger is involved. I've probably only heard my dad yell at me three times. The most memorable was when I rode my scooter into the street without looking and almost got ran over. He yelled at me, sent me to my room. After he'd calmed down he explained why he got so mad, how I could have hurt myself, and what it would have done to him, and he cried a little. Scared me to pieces, but I never went into the street without looking again.

Keep up the good work! Hug

I hope that the world turns, and things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that, even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you. - V for Vendetta
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14-11-2013, 07:04 PM
RE: The worst mother ever
I am very lucky to have such a great neighbor that's for sure!! My uncle came over today and put in a dead bolt that is too high for them to reach. Your words meant a lot to me thank you! Hug
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14-11-2013, 07:16 PM
RE: The worst mother ever
Hah! Well not to downplay your "failure", but when I was 5 (or it could have been 6) my Mom let me wander through the downtown streets of Seattle alone. So believe me, there are worse mothers out there than you.

My parents had more of the mentality of letting me loose in the wild, knowing that I would eventually come back when I got hungry (they never gave me any money). I was their 7th kid though, so I'm pretty sure they were tired of being parents Smile.

And I'm grateful actually (disregarding the "what ifs"). I had a blast as a kid always being independant.

Anyways, what makes a good parent is love and teaching kids how to survive in the world and be decent humans. Just keep it up!
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14-11-2013, 07:25 PM
RE: The worst mother ever
You're not a failure, you are human. Did you put them in the backyard unsupervised on purpose with a malicious intent? Nope, you didn't.

I've experienced similar situations as a parent myself, and so have countless others. We try our best, that's what we can do. We all feel those guilty feels, you're entitled to them, but don't forget to put them in check. Smile
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14-11-2013, 08:14 PM
RE: The worst mother ever
Kidproofing the house is the best idea. The deadbolt should help.

Moms with small kids, especially when sick and run down, are expected to remain vigilant even when they can barely even blink. In those cases, the best defense is lots of safety...outlet plugs, doors they can't unlock, etc. And if you feel like you may fall asleep, set an alarm. If possible ask someone to just sit at the house while you catch a nap...sounds like you needed it.

I'm not anti-social. I'm pro-solitude. Sleepy
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14-11-2013, 10:21 PM
RE: The worst mother ever
(14-11-2013 08:14 PM)Anjele Wrote:  Kidproofing the house is the best idea. The deadbolt should help.

Moms with small kids, especially when sick and run down, are expected to remain vigilant even when they can barely even blink. In those cases, the best defense is lots of safety...outlet plugs, doors they can't unlock, etc. And if you feel like you may fall asleep, set an alarm. If possible ask someone to just sit at the house while you catch a nap...sounds like you needed it.

Yes, I am a firm believer in kid proofing. I've got safety gates and safety locks and drawer stoppers and outlet plugs everywhere. I just never really thought about stopping them from leaving. I never thought they would try. The whole mom thing seems to be getting harder as they get older. I keep stepping into unknown territory and I'm never really sure exactly what to do to keep them safe. I wish I could have someone sit with them while I take a nap. I think from now on if I need a nap I will just nap in their room so I can still sort of be alert to whatever they're doing. I wish I could just lock them in their room wrapped in bubble wrap and know they would always be safe, but it would be no fun haha.
Thanks again everyone for helping me feel better.
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15-11-2013, 06:38 AM
RE: The worst mother ever
Self-reproach makes you a better person, Sounds like you have allot on your plate with 3 young kids, I had to raise my 2 kids on my own from 1yr and 5yr.
get a baby sitter for a few hours a week, even though if you don't leave the house you can have a long bath and recharge.

Theism is to believe what other people claim, Atheism is to ask "why should I".
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15-11-2013, 08:31 AM
RE: The worst mother ever
(14-11-2013 06:31 PM)LostandInsecure Wrote:  I have been really sick this past week. My youngest (13 months) is also sick. I just felt so exhausted today and I thought maybe if I could get some rest I would feel a little better. I put the baby down for a nap at 12:30 and set up a movie for my 4 and 5 year olds to watch. Then I took some medicine and passed out. I woke up at 1:15 and had 3 missed calls from my next door neighbor who hardly ever calls me. So I called her back. She answers her phone and tells me she has my kids who are covered in mud. She saw them playing in my back yard and got them because she knew I never let them play outside by themselves so she figured something was wrong. I had a long talk with them about how they can never go outside without my permission and someone old enough to take care of them. I told them how dangerous it could be for them to not have a grown up to protect them. I tried really hard to get that balance of explaining the dangers without completely terrifying them. It took everything I had to keep from crying while they were still in the room. My kids know better than to go outside without me. They know it's not okay. What kind of mother sleeps through that? What kind of mother doesn't know where her kids are? I am so glad my kids are alright. I think of the endless list of horrible things that could have happened and I just feel like I have completely failed as a mother. Well, anyways, I just wanted to get that off my chest.

Whoever set up that 50s Leave it to Beaver Mom of perfection, dusted furniture, clean children and pearl-wearing nightmare did so as sarcasm - I am convinced. Most of us moms are normal regular people........ not plastic, unrealistic creatures. Dont beat yourself up too badly. Being on This form/website indicates you're already far and ahead of the game of mothers in general. Good for you.
And if your neighbor judges you tell her to fuck off in no uncertain terms. Never get into the habit of allowing others to judge you. No one is perfect so don't even try and waste the energy working to accomplish that. Instead when you're feeling better go get muddy With your kids.

When I want your opinion I'll read your entrails.
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15-11-2013, 09:58 AM
RE: The worst mother ever
(14-11-2013 06:31 PM)LostandInsecure Wrote:  I have been really sick this past week. My youngest (13 months) is also sick. I just felt so exhausted today and I thought maybe if I could get some rest I would feel a little better. I put the baby down for a nap at 12:30 and set up a movie for my 4 and 5 year olds to watch. Then I took some medicine and passed out. I woke up at 1:15 and had 3 missed calls from my next door neighbor who hardly ever calls me. So I called her back. She answers her phone and tells me she has my kids who are covered in mud. She saw them playing in my back yard and got them because she knew I never let them play outside by themselves so she figured something was wrong. I had a long talk with them about how they can never go outside without my permission and someone old enough to take care of them. I told them how dangerous it could be for them to not have a grown up to protect them. I tried really hard to get that balance of explaining the dangers without completely terrifying them. It took everything I had to keep from crying while they were still in the room. My kids know better than to go outside without me. They know it's not okay. What kind of mother sleeps through that? What kind of mother doesn't know where her kids are? I am so glad my kids are alright. I think of the endless list of horrible things that could have happened and I just feel like I have completely failed as a mother. Well, anyways, I just wanted to get that off my chest.

It's ok you're totally not the worst mom...that title belongs to me...
Hug

No one gets through childhood unscathed -- especially the parent.


God is a concept by which we measure our pain -- John Lennon

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