Theist girlfriend
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14-11-2010, 01:44 PM
Theist girlfriend
Hey guys, I'm back after about a month or so of being absent. I hope nobody cried over me too much ;P

Anyway I've got a bit of a problem, my current girlfriend is a non-denominational christian and shes quite devote as well. She nearly jumped for joy when she found out I used to be a catholic and looked like she might cry when I told her why I don't believe anymore.
She vary quickly told me to change the subject and we haven't talked about it since, luckily we're still on good terms.

So what should I do if the subject comes up again? we love each other a lot so it shouldn't be a problem but I don't want it to ruin what we have, how can I defend my position without seeming like an ignorant ass to a theist?...
shes a smart girl, even if a bit ditzy at times, I know she can understand some of the evidence for atheism I could explain but I just don't think she'd accept it.

Any advice?

Hey brother christian, with your high and mighty errand, your actions speak so loud, I can't hear a word you're saying.

"This machine kills fascists..."

"Well this machine kills commies!"
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14-11-2010, 02:39 PM
RE: Theist girlfriend
In my experience, unless she is willing to agree-to-disagree discussions, you're better off never bringing up the topic. Different theists believe what they believe for different reasons. If the topic ever does come up, ask her to tell you specifically what she does and does not believe. Does she believe in ghosts, near-death experience, angels, demons, hell, Adam & Eve, Noah, the trinity, the resurrection, virgin birth, prophesy, stigmata, speaking in tongues, snake handling, etc. Odds are since she's not a devotee to any particular sect some of these things will be things she does not believe in. When she tells you she doesn't believe something, tell her you don't either. Then tell her something you do believe - such as perhaps the sermon on the mount is a beautiful ideal even though some of it probably can't be realistic. Or maybe, the apostles must have been truly devoted to Jesus' teachings in order to want to spread it to the world at risk of death. Once she understands that you are not anti-religious belief and that you and she actually share some doubts, that should make future discussions easier.

Hope this helps.
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14-11-2010, 03:39 PM
RE: Theist girlfriend
*sigh*
and whaddya know, we get onto the topic first thing this morning... T_T
it started out with me saying how I was kinda bummed I didn't get into the UU's church this morning because I overslept, she asked me why I'd ever want to go there, so I told her it was because I wanted to associate with some of the atheists/agnostics/deists that go there for community activities... at which point she says I'm not aloud to talk to other atheists T_T

Her reasoning is that if I'm around other atheists than suddenly she becomes nothing to me.

Hey brother christian, with your high and mighty errand, your actions speak so loud, I can't hear a word you're saying.

"This machine kills fascists..."

"Well this machine kills commies!"
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14-11-2010, 04:12 PM
RE: Theist girlfriend
I wouldn't put up with that. It seems that she may have controlling tendencies. My girlfriend has never told me who I can see and can't see. She believes in god and heaven, but she will listen to why I disbelieve and accept what I say. If she doesn't agree, she doesn't argue. She says I am very intellegent and that I am able to figure things out for myself, and if I come to a conclusion about something she knows that it is well thought out.

Either you two can work together as a team to build a good, PEACEFUL life together, or you can't. If you can't, then it is up to you to decide if you will put up with that for the rest of your life. If not, the sooner the split, the easier it will be.

Sorry. This is based on how I am. You decide for yourself.
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14-11-2010, 04:15 PM
RE: Theist girlfriend
I totally agree with you NoJ. I've gone with girls who were controlling before, thats why I broke up with my last one.
The thing is though this girl isn't controlling, she says the only reason she doesn't want me with other atheists is because its like I'm putting her in a separate category... idk what to do, shes not talking to me now though

Hey brother christian, with your high and mighty errand, your actions speak so loud, I can't hear a word you're saying.

"This machine kills fascists..."

"Well this machine kills commies!"
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14-11-2010, 04:28 PM
RE: Theist girlfriend
In other words she expects you to act according to her beliefs but you can't. Is she not willing to hang around with you and your atheist friends and maybe learn about how we see things?

PS. Not talking to you is a control tactic. There is the passive/aggressive type that hide their controlling tendencies in ways like that.
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14-11-2010, 04:34 PM
RE: Theist girlfriend
(14-11-2010 04:28 PM)No J. Wrote:  In other words she expects you to act according to her beliefs but you can't. Is she not willing to hang around with you and your atheist friends and maybe learn about how we see things?

PS. Not talking to you is a control tactic. There is the passive/aggressive type that hide their controlling tendencies in ways like that.

Yea I suppose you're right...
she says she doesn't care if I'm an atheist but doesn't want to hear about atheism in general, and of course I told her that if thats how its gonna be than I don't want to hear about christianity. Shes done pretty good on keeping her mouth shut about religion but shes said a couple times she would be exhilarated if I went to church with her at least once. she asked what I thought of the bible and I told her its not only laughable but disgusts me as well and that pretty much ended that conversation Tongue.

anyway, sorry for bringing my personal issues past the home page.

Hey brother christian, with your high and mighty errand, your actions speak so loud, I can't hear a word you're saying.

"This machine kills fascists..."

"Well this machine kills commies!"
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14-11-2010, 04:49 PM
RE: Theist girlfriend
How are you and her going deal with issues about raising kids in the future? This a point where the shit may hit the fan royally. If you get into a power struggle with her over whether the kids will be raised as christians or atheists there will be a lot of stress between you two. I for one would not go there. Good luck and make a wise decision.
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14-11-2010, 04:54 PM
RE: Theist girlfriend
I've thought of that, personally I've only really wanted to raise my kids to be skeptical of what they hear and do research on what they are told, not necessarily to dismiss anything from the religious folk(although I am guilty of that myself).

I'm sure some of you will agree though its difficult to find someone who's got the same mindset as you do that you feel you can spend your life with.

Thanks for the help NoJ

Hey brother christian, with your high and mighty errand, your actions speak so loud, I can't hear a word you're saying.

"This machine kills fascists..."

"Well this machine kills commies!"
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14-11-2010, 04:56 PM
RE: Theist girlfriend
You are welcome.
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