There's motherfucking raccoons in this motherfucking garden.
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22-07-2017, 06:31 AM (This post was last modified: 22-07-2017 06:35 AM by Thumpalumpacus.)
RE: There's motherfucking raccoons in this motherfucking garden.
They're little bastards with black hearts and sharp teeth. They raid father-in-law's garden, so he traps them and has me drive them to a release point a few miles away.

I'm with Vera. They're evil little cocksuckers.
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22-07-2017, 06:38 AM
RE: There's motherfucking raccoons in this motherfucking garden.
(22-07-2017 06:31 AM)Thumpalumpacus Wrote:  They're little bastards with black hearts and sharp teeth. They raid father-in-law's garden, so he traps them and has me drive them to a release point a few miles away.

I'm with Vera. They're evil little cocksuckers.

Release point??

If I have one in a trap, I only release after washing the trap thoughougly in the nearest body of water,...,...

.......................................

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22-07-2017, 07:21 AM
RE: There's motherfucking raccoons in this motherfucking garden.
(22-07-2017 05:26 AM)Gawdzilla Wrote:  On average there are twice as many raccoons per square mile in towns than in the country. Free food, low predator levels (except humans), etc.

That's a big exception! Those fuckers can do some serious damage, I try to avoid them at all costs.
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22-07-2017, 07:21 AM
RE: There's motherfucking raccoons in this motherfucking garden.
(22-07-2017 05:26 AM)Gawdzilla Wrote:  We're going to have to get used to urban raccoons. Researchers have found that they're happy in our cities. On average there are twice as many raccoons per square mile in towns than in the country. Free food, low predator levels (except humans), etc.

Fuck that. They're aggressive. I'm not putting up with raccoons as I walk my dogs. They never scurry off. They keep getting more and more brazen. They force the issue; you have to kill them.
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22-07-2017, 09:03 AM
RE: There's motherfucking raccoons in this motherfucking garden.
Girly, this reminds me of the story I heard about a Peace Corps worker who was in Africa teaching local tribes some farming techniques. The indigenous people never grew tomatoes and the Peace Corps guy couldn't understand why. The soil was fine, the weather was perfect.

So he set about showing them how to plant the seeds and tend the plants and nurse them along and he put up a nice chicken wire fence to keep out little critters. The tomatoes were growing HUGE under the African sky and the Peace Corp guy was thinking how wonderfully educational this was and he had a great sense of personal purpose and pride.

The tomatoes were ripe and ready to pick.

Early the next morning a herd of hippopotamus came through and ate every tomato plant down to the ground.

The Peace Corps guy asked the locals why they didn't tell him about the hippopotamus. They replied...."You never asked."

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22-07-2017, 11:14 AM
RE: There's motherfucking raccoons in this motherfucking garden.
I was moseying about in the woods next to my house when I rounded a log and came face to face with a raccoon baring its teeth. I almost went Usain Bolt until I realized the raccoon was actually dead, poor thing had some head trauma and died with its mouth agape. I left it there, something'll eat it.

Ignorance is not to be ignored.

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22-07-2017, 11:19 AM
RE: There's motherfucking raccoons in this motherfucking garden.
(22-07-2017 11:14 AM)Loom Wrote:  I was moseying about in the woods next to my house when I rounded a log and came face to face with a raccoon baring its teeth. I almost went Usain Bolt until I realized the raccoon was actually dead, poor thing had some head trauma and died with its mouth agape. I left it there, something'll eat it.

> Last winter there was a dead raccoon alongside the highway in front of my house. Numerous animals came to feed on the carcass: crows, ravens, foxes, and even a very handsome bobcat. A week later, there was only a bloody patch on the snow.
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22-07-2017, 11:33 AM
RE: There's motherfucking raccoons in this motherfucking garden.
(22-07-2017 07:21 AM)ImFred Wrote:  
(22-07-2017 05:26 AM)Gawdzilla Wrote:  We're going to have to get used to urban raccoons. Researchers have found that they're happy in our cities. On average there are twice as many raccoons per square mile in towns than in the country. Free food, low predator levels (except humans), etc.

Fuck that. They're aggressive. I'm not putting up with raccoons as I walk my dogs. They never scurry off. They keep getting more and more brazen. They force the issue; you have to kill them.

Really? I have lots of raccoons around and the only restriction it places on me that if I wanted to keep chickens again, I would need a Fort Knox chicken house. They do like their chicken.

Otherwise they are respectful and stay out of areas that are patrolled by dogs, like my garden.

A guy in the area had hand raised one because it was orphaned and it stuck by him like a dog. Forever. They are kind of like a mix between a dog and a cat, very friendly, and funny as heck. Like pets and cuddling. Playing ball. Washing their food. And they are smart.










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22-07-2017, 11:58 AM
RE: There's motherfucking raccoons in this motherfucking garden.
I really wish people wouldn't feed them. That's a big reason why they start mucking around where they don't belong and end up having to be put down. I don't hate them but they're a serious nuisance. I've dealt with them up close and have no doubt they can kill my small dogs. Probably wouldn't unless cornered but I'm not inclined to risk it or fuck with it. I never had to kill one and it would suit me just fine never to have to.
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22-07-2017, 12:00 PM
RE: There's motherfucking raccoons in this motherfucking garden.
(22-07-2017 07:21 AM)jerry mcmasters Wrote:  
(22-07-2017 05:26 AM)Gawdzilla Wrote:  On average there are twice as many raccoons per square mile in towns than in the country. Free food, low predator levels (except humans), etc.

That's a big exception! Those fuckers can do some serious damage, I try to avoid them at all costs.

When I lead tours at the Wolf Center I notify people that we have the wolves behind two high, strong fences to keep them safe from the most dangerous animals on the planet. The kids look confused, the adults just nod.
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