There's motherfucking raccoons in this motherfucking garden.
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23-07-2017, 06:47 PM
RE: There's motherfucking raccoons in this motherfucking garden.
[Image: de58818c7fc49d1a510e6f05d51f5747.jpg]

Where are we going and why am I in this hand basket?
"Life is not all lovely thorns and singing vultures, you know." ~ Morticia Addams
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23-07-2017, 06:54 PM
RE: There's motherfucking raccoons in this motherfucking garden.
Hee Hee Hee. Whua Ha Ha! (Evil laugh)

[Image: dd59871e3178d976dcbc71456ff947fe.jpg]

(The debil made me do it.)

Where are we going and why am I in this hand basket?
"Life is not all lovely thorns and singing vultures, you know." ~ Morticia Addams
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24-07-2017, 08:46 AM
RE: There's motherfucking raccoons in this motherfucking garden.
(21-07-2017 02:39 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  I grow in beds raised 2 feet off the ground. it's o dark thrity and I'm letting the dog out and I see this little fucker jump up into the tomato bed and gnaw the biggest one, like 7' tall, off at the base. That's it. Didn't eat no tomatoes. Just turned and looked at me, paused, and I swear it let out a laugh before it ran away. My plants are tied and supported by stakes so this thing looks like it was crucified. A sad sorry savior, just hanging there, dead, covered in unripe fruit filled with the promise of hope ignorant of the fact that God is dead. A raccoon came like a thief in the night and killed her in her sleep. Hope is the seedling of despair which flowers in quiet desperation. (Ha, I should write my own Jesus parables. Will those green tomatoes ripen if I put them in a bag with an apple? Might be another Jesus story there. "I said to my soul, be still, and wait without hope, For hope would be for the wrong thing." - TSE)

Back on topic. I got my kid this high-powered Beeman pellet gun which makes a pop too loud and too similar to gunfire to really use in a residential neighborhood. But at o dark thirty, with the night scope, ... one shot? One shot. I'll make a stew out of it with some of the green tomatoes. That should give them some justice.

While I wholeheartedly support you going all Lee Harvey Oswald on them, I just wanted to offer you a possible solution that doesn't evoke images of you bleary eyed, shaking and twitching behind a scope and a heap of Red Bull cans while listening to Silvia's Mother. Drinking Beverage

Many animals seem to dislike rags soaked in ammonia. It seems they confuse it with the urine of predators. This may work, keep them away from your plants and reduce the number of 911 calls associated with you. I have found it works fairly well and has the added advantage of being there when you are not. Keep the weapon pointed in the proper direction

" Generally speaking, the errors in religion are dangerous; those in philosophy only ridiculous."
David Hume
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24-07-2017, 08:54 AM
RE: There's motherfucking raccoons in this motherfucking garden.
(23-07-2017 06:54 PM)outtathereligioncloset Wrote:  Hee Hee Hee. Whua Ha Ha! (Evil laugh)

[Image: dd59871e3178d976dcbc71456ff947fe.jpg]

(The debil made me do it.)

lol

I didn't read the header I just went straight into the text thinking it was, uh, sane and at quick glance I thought it was saying even if you doubt you left some resources (food) out you obviously have because raccoons don't just muck around for no reason. Then I read it closely and lulzzz
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24-07-2017, 10:20 AM
RE: There's motherfucking raccoons in this motherfucking garden.
Know your enemy.

Here's an excellent Nature documentary on raccoons, and how humans may be contributing to their evolution into "super-raccoons".

Also, you might want to consider this reaction:
People In Toronto Made Memorial For Dead Raccoon After City Forgot To Pick It Up For 12 Hrs
(To be fair, it's actually a hilariously tongue-in-cheek public response to bureaucratic inefficiency: who says Toronto is the city that fun forgot)

Your faith is not evidence, your opinion is not fact, and your bias is not wisdom
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24-07-2017, 10:37 AM
RE: There's motherfucking raccoons in this motherfucking garden.
(24-07-2017 10:20 AM)Reducetarian Wrote:  Also, you might want to consider this reaction:
People In Toronto Made Memorial For Dead Raccoon After City Forgot To Pick It Up For 12 Hrs
(To be fair, it's actually a hilariously tongue-in-cheek public response to bureaucratic inefficiency: who says Toronto is the city that fun forgot)

I remember that, gave me a good laugh! Big Grin

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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24-07-2017, 12:50 PM
RE: There's motherfucking raccoons in this motherfucking garden.
(24-07-2017 08:46 AM)KidCharlemagne1962 Wrote:  listening to Silvia's Mother.

Well there's a fucking blast from the past.

Save a life. Adopt a greyhound.

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24-07-2017, 03:28 PM
RE: There's motherfucking raccoons in this motherfucking garden.
(24-07-2017 12:50 PM)Popeyes Pappy Wrote:  
(24-07-2017 08:46 AM)KidCharlemagne1962 Wrote:  listening to Silvia's Mother.

Well there's a fucking blast from the past.

And one of Girly's favorites if I recall. No

Cue profanity laced response from Girly in 3,2,1. Angel

" Generally speaking, the errors in religion are dangerous; those in philosophy only ridiculous."
David Hume
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24-07-2017, 03:33 PM
RE: There's motherfucking raccoons in this motherfucking garden.
Is it one of his faves? Had no idea. Or had forgotten. I think it's the first song my aunt and her husband danced to, on their first date (or sth. like this). Sadly, he died several months after they got married, in a fire on the ship where he was the chief engineer (I think). Monoxide poisoning...






(And I just this moment found out it's "Mrs. Avery", was never sure Rolleyes )

"E se non passa la tristezza con altri occhi la guarderĂ²."
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24-07-2017, 04:12 PM
RE: There's motherfucking raccoons in this motherfucking garden.
(22-07-2017 06:38 AM)onlinebiker Wrote:  
(22-07-2017 06:31 AM)Thumpalumpacus Wrote:  They're little bastards with black hearts and sharp teeth. They raid father-in-law's garden, so he traps them and has me drive them to a release point a few miles away.

I'm with Vera. They're evil little cocksuckers.

Release point??

If I have one in a trap, I only release after washing the trap thoughougly in the nearest body of water,...,...

Out of respect for his wishes, you see.
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