Things I Hate About the Internet
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13-02-2013, 07:13 PM
Things I Hate About the Internet
Don’t let the chiseled, glistening, god-like, panty-ruining, faint-inducing abs fool you. I do my fair share of sitting around; lazily surfing the internet. Sitting in a chair (or on the couch), laptop in front of me, mindlessly jumping from page to page; site to site; all in a futile effort to combat the sense of boredom with which I may find myself inflicted at any given time. Sometimes the creationists are all off at church, so there’s nobody to debate, and there is no new and interesting news being posted; only to have me repost it somewhere on the forum for everyone to laugh at. Sometimes, I dare say, I don’t even feel the need to look at photos of scantily-clad women engaging in varying forms of degradation. (That one’s a mystery even to me) So, with little else to occupy my time, I simply browse around; looking at places I may have been and searching for places I might yet visit. In my travels, I’ve seen many things. Things ranging from police chases; to fake news reports; to Megan Fox’s tongue-speaking habits; to a man being killed in an attempted copulation with a stallion. (Don’t ask)


Here, I will present some of my most regrettable observations in the form of complaints. These are things that drive me up a wall. Things that make me want to grow my hair to a manageable length, solely for the purpose of ripping it out in frustration. These are things I simply can’t stand about the internet.



1) Not enough porn. Yes, you heard correctly; I believe that there is a shortage of porn on the internet. And that’s surprising, considering it’s big business. In fact, the #1 search that is made on the internet - world-wide - is porn. (The second is Genealogy) I myself am a veteran in the search of the ol’ pr0n; having diligently scoured for it since I first learned what it was. (I remember bikini-line maintenance wasn’t as popular back then…*shudders*) After the advent of the “World Wide Web” in the early ‘90s, pornographic distribution across the internet became as easy as clicking a mouse, and the trend quickly gained speed - for obvious reasons. Since then, the internet has become absolutely overrun with such material. At this point, you can find virtually anything you want. If you want to search for “All-Male Masked-Midget Peanut Butter Spanking” (I’m not judging, Muffs), you can find it in seconds. So why am I complaining?


I can’t seem find what I want, when I want it. That’s right, sometimes I’m clicking away in frustration because I can’t find whatever obscure thing I’m in the mood for at the moment, and it irritates the hell out of me. And, unlike a lot of people, I’m not into the high-end, studio-quality material with cheap background music and those crazy positions. (The staircase is not a place to bend over backwards and do your business in a sideways position. That does not happen in real life. Stop trying to convince me that it does) And yet, this stuff is everywhere. But even when I do find something similar to what I’m looking for, it’s never good enough. They picked the wrong girl, or the cameraman sucked (not literally), or the video was too short. By the way, isn’t that basically what porn has become? A bunch of videos? Who thinks “pictures!” when someone mentions porn anymore? I mean there are pictures, sure, but aren’t they usually there so you can click on them and find a video?


In the end, I really shouldn’t complain about this. Millions upon millions of pornographic videos and pictures are available on the internet and I’m pissy when I can’t find “MILF gets DPed on Lunar surface”. I guess they’ll never have precisely what I’m looking for, no, but they do have a plethora of other options. Unlike back in the day, when all they had was this:
[Image: ca8.jpg]
Sexy, huh?


2) Helpful search options. As in, typing “Why…” into your Google search and seeing an entire list of helpful options available, such as “why is the sky blue” or “why does it hurt when I pee” or “why did I get married” or “why can’t I get it up”. These options can be helpful, yes, but they’re always so distracting, and when an interesting one pops up, a part of me wants to go see why the hell anyone would search for “why wont my cat respond to my advances” and find out why there would be an entire section of “Yahoo answers” dedicated to it. Then I’ve completely forgotten what I was originally looking for, and I’m endowed with a new-found knowledge of why Fred’s cat isn’t into him. (Who knew cats where such fickle lovers?)


Not only that, but the search options have been known to get a guy or two in serious trouble. Back when I was 15, the options from my “How to…” search lead to a very serious and immensely uncomfortable conversation with dad. Not cool, Google. Not cool.


3) Memes. Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s not the use of memes that I mind. I actually think they’re quite amusing and, believe it or not, there are some very interesting sites dedicated to the history of various memes. The thing I don’t like about them is that they fall out of favor so quickly, and if you dare to use them after such time, you will be met with scorn. For example, I used to use a very popular meme after it went out of “style”. But then I took an arrow to the knee.


4) People who dont know how to use proper punctuation its like duh youd think they could get their point across without exposing how asinine they are and then when you call them out on it they're like come on it’s the internet


5) I don’t like the fact that the internet creates a sense of anonymity, which usually brings out everyone’s inner asshole. Granted, I like when people don’t beat around the bush. I like when they can express how they’re feeling without the baggage of politeness and unnecessarily-extensive manners. But people don’t stop there. People become outrightly hostile in a way that can only be described as baffling. If an individual makes even the slightest of spelling mistakes (one which can be easily excused as a simple slip of the finger upon the keyboard), they are immediately labeled a “retard” and made a mockery of. If they make even the most benign of nonsensical comments, someone will surely be on their way to mention that it “seems a village has lost its idiot”. There is no room for error on the internet, because you will be attacked. Which is rather ironic, because you will be attacked with a slew of typos and grammatical dumb-fuckery. That’s because everyone - regardless of age - is a 14-year-old on the internet. Go figure.


6) I absolutely hate it when I try to click on a picture of a sexy gal on Google images, only to discover that [Image: image003.png]


7) The little “loading” wheel that circles around the center of a Youtube video you really, really wanna watch. I've got nothing really extensive to say about the loading wheel. Just that...you know...they should fix it. Undecided


8) Misinformation. The problem with many of the informational sites on the internet is that they are not created by an individual with a Phd or a doctorate in the specific topic. Rather, they are created and operated by Joe Dickface who has a Phd in beer-guzzling and a doctorate in 4th grade English spelling. (That’s how he makes his false information seem so believable) Even websites such as Wikipedia are controlled by the average citizen - an individual who knows absolutely fuck-all about pretty much everything. The internet has been a wonderful way for knowledge in a vast array of fields to be shared among sound-minded individuals. Unfortunately, it’s also become a soap box from which any moron can spew his or her useless garbage to an equally-moronic audience; thus allowing their moronic moronicy to continue like the moronic moronicy that it is.


After all, just look at us. For a second, I made you believe that “moronicy” can be passed off as a real word. Thank you for proving my point. Moron.



9) WebMD. That’s right; I don’t like it. It’s not doing anybody any good, and doctors are tired of hearing “So, WebMD said…”. Oh did it? Did WebMD say that? Well then why are you here in my office; you’ve got WebMD! WebMD didn’t go to fucking medical school, but that’s ok, it’s WebMD; it didn’t need to.


Only a licensed physician (and sometimes, not even they) can determine what your particular ailment is. I’m tired of logging on to WebMD to figure out why my toe wont stop aching; only to learn that I’ve got a bad case of those chest-burster things from the Alien movie.


10) Trolls. Oh yes, you knew I’d get to them. Nobody likes a troll. But you know what the worst part is? That’s why the fuck they do it! Nobody likes a troll, which is precisely why there are trolls. Perhaps one of the most annoying things about a troll is that many times, it may not be apparent that they are trolling. Instead, you’re tricked into believing that you’re having a genuine argument with someone who is just a little more hostile and idiotic than usual. You go to great lengths to get your points across to them, but you find yourself met only with failure. “Why wont this guy listen?” you ask. “How the hell can someone be so fucking dense and yet retain a pulse?” Then, after a long, bloody fight, you discover that you were being trolled the entire time. At that moment, you want nothing more than to reach through the computer screen and strangle the bastard; an urge which is compounded by the knowledge that he is just laughing his ass off on the other end.


One of the reasons this is an issue is due to Poe’s Law. Poe’s Law states that unless the parody is made obvious, it is difficult - perhaps impossible - to tell the difference between satire and genuine stupidity. I think that Poe’s Law is most noticeable in interactions with theists; being that their beliefs are wack-a-doodle to begin with. (It’s hard to make talking snakes and rib-women sound more stupid than they already are) For this reason, it is often difficult to tell if the other guy really is as ignorant of Evolution or the scientific method as he seems to be, or if he is simply trolling you for the lulz. In such a case, abandoning the argument could mean that another irrational belief is allowed to continue without being challenged, but staying to fight the battle could mean you’re wasting all of your time and energy on someone who’s just taking the piss anyway.


That’s why, as much as I despise them, I’ve come to view trolls as useful for honing one’s skills in matters of debate. They throw the most absurdly laughable arguments at you, and they do so with an infuriating steadfastness. But if you can keep up with them and stay the course, then surely you can handle yourself when the real thing comes your way. In other words, if you can handle having grenades thrown at you while bullets zip past your head; then a late-night job working mall security shouldn’t be too difficult.


11) This guy. The fact that he is allowed internet access makes the internet not worth surfing.
http://www.youtube.com/user/MegaSage007

Through profound pain comes profound knowledge.
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13-02-2013, 09:40 PM (This post was last modified: 13-02-2013 10:23 PM by aurora.)
RE: Things I Hate About the Internet
Yep, all true (and amusing as usual) Thumbsup

Edit: I had to come back and say, it's all true except for the porn part as it doesn't interest me like it does young males! lol

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13-02-2013, 09:48 PM
RE: Things I Hate About the Internet
Can't argue with any of those. Well said! Smile


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13-02-2013, 10:43 PM
RE: Things I Hate About the Internet
Great points...

(13-02-2013 07:13 PM)Misanthropik Wrote:  11) This guy. The fact that he is allowed internet access makes the internet not worth surfing.
http://www.youtube.com/user/MegaSage007

Wow, this guy is amazingly ignorant. Almost so stupid it makes me think he must be a poe. He talks about intelligent design in the video i'm watching now. Just wow...

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14-02-2013, 06:16 AM
RE: Things I Hate About the Internet
(13-02-2013 10:43 PM)Aspchizo Wrote:  Great points...

(13-02-2013 07:13 PM)Misanthropik Wrote:  11) This guy. The fact that he is allowed internet access makes the internet not worth surfing.
http://www.youtube.com/user/MegaSage007

Wow, this guy is amazingly ignorant. Almost so stupid it makes me think he must be a poe. He talks about intelligent design in the video i'm watching now. Just wow...
He complements his ignorance with an overwhelming sense of creepy. His little rat-eyes and that sly smile sends chills down my spine. No

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14-02-2013, 06:34 AM
RE: Things I Hate About the Internet
(14-02-2013 06:16 AM)Misanthropik Wrote:  
(13-02-2013 10:43 PM)Aspchizo Wrote:  Great points...


Wow, this guy is amazingly ignorant. Almost so stupid it makes me think he must be a poe. He talks about intelligent design in the video i'm watching now. Just wow...
He complements his ignorance with an overwhelming sense of creepy. His little rat-eyes and that sly smile sends chills down my spine. No

From his page:
Quote:It is recommended that believers challenge institutions like NASA
and National Geographics in the courtrooms of America to prove
their presumptions Evolution is scientifically proven while
Creationsim is neglected in their works influencing the public mind.

This is consistent with my hypothesis that this is precisely why the conservatives hate Public Broadcasting and continue to try to de-fund it.
It's not Big Bird or the Teletubbies - it's science and reason they hate.

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Science is not a subject, but a method.
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14-02-2013, 06:44 AM
Re: RE: Things I Hate About the Internet
(14-02-2013 06:34 AM)Chas Wrote:  
(14-02-2013 06:16 AM)Misanthropik Wrote:  He complements his ignorance with an overwhelming sense of creepy. His little rat-eyes and that sly smile sends chills down my spine. No

From his page:
Quote:It is recommended that believers challenge institutions like NASA
and National Geographics in the courtrooms of America to prove
their presumptions Evolution is scientifically proven while
Creationsim is neglected in their works influencing the public mind.

This is consistent with my hypothesis that this is precisely why the conservatives hate Public Broadcasting and continue to try to de-fund it.
It's not Big Bird or the Teletubbies - it's science and reason they hate.

With some I would think so... But it's always interesting seeing that the David H. Koch foundation for science... Exists... And is one of the major funders of NOVA.

Btw, access to public access programs equals internet positives.

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14-02-2013, 06:49 AM
RE: Things I Hate About the Internet
(14-02-2013 06:44 AM)ClydeLee Wrote:  
(14-02-2013 06:34 AM)Chas Wrote:  From his page:

This is consistent with my hypothesis that this is precisely why the conservatives hate Public Broadcasting and continue to try to de-fund it.
It's not Big Bird or the Teletubbies - it's science and reason they hate.

With some I would think so... But it's always interesting seeing that the David H. Koch foundation for science... Exists... And is one of the major funders of NOVA.

Btw, access to public access programs equals internet positives.


Koch is a libertarian, not a conservative.

Skepticism is not a position; it is an approach to claims.
Science is not a subject, but a method.
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14-02-2013, 01:49 PM
RE: Things I Hate About the Internet
(13-02-2013 07:13 PM)Misanthropik Wrote:  1) Not enough porn.


5) I don’t like the fact that the internet creates a sense of anonymity, which usually brings out everyone’s inner asshole.
1) Nop. Too much porn. Maybe you don't know where it is.


5) Sense of anonymity? Just take a look at my signature...

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14-02-2013, 02:38 PM
RE: Things I Hate About the Internet
(14-02-2013 01:49 PM)KVron Wrote:  
(13-02-2013 07:13 PM)Misanthropik Wrote:  1) Not enough porn.


5) I don’t like the fact that the internet creates a sense of anonymity, which usually brings out everyone’s inner asshole.
1) Nop.Too much porn. Maybe you don't know where it is.


5) Sense of anonymity? Just take a look at my signature...
1) The joke is that one can never have enough porn. Wink

2) "Sense" being the key word. Besides, it's not every day that the individual on the other end of the line possesses the know-how to look into who they're speaking with. Most people say whatever they want to whomever they want; secure in the idea that nobody will be investigating them.

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