Things are getting nasty...
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21-04-2014, 08:32 AM
RE: Things are getting nasty...
EA, I may not be a parent, but I would be the equivalent of your children. My parents divorced when I was too young to voice my opinion, so I grew up moving house to house... well lots of stuff that I don't feel like getting into, but I feel I should give my two cents from the view of the kid instead of an adult.

I'm going to agree with Hobbit, but a little more straight forward. At about your daughter's age I started questioning my parent's decision of divorce, and felt a bit of rage as well as resentment. I'm just now, little over 5 years later getting answers straight from my mom (pretty much in the same situation you were), where as before I got my answers through second hand accounts.
My honest suggestion is to not let your daughter do what I did, it hurts like hell. If she wants to be treated like an adult, then sit down and talk to her; more importantly listen to her. Ask her why she feels the way she does, and why she thinks so lowly of you. Then, talk to her like to vent to us. Tell her the history of you and your ex, why you are doing what you are doing, and how you feel about the whole situation. The key to this, is to remember she is ignorant of these facts, and that this is still her father, so don't run him into the ground, but just give facts as much as possible. If you do not talk to her and give her the answers she is looking for, she will find them elsewhere. Trust me.
I'm turning 19 tomorrow, and I still feel like my parent's divorce has an effect on me, and for all intensive purposes it was a much easier experience than most. They'll probably be hurting just as much as you, don't ignore it or that'll case more issues down the road such as resentment (which you're beginning to see here it sounds like), anger and depression.

Just make sure they know you still love them and do want them. They may not feel you do.

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21-04-2014, 08:46 AM
RE: Things are getting nasty...
What's going to piss me off is if I feel like I have to play into his games. It feels then like he still is in control of me. He's spending money on them left and right, being their peer by playing with them all the time, and so then, so as for me not to look like an asshole, I have to play into his games.

THAT is what pisses me off. I am rid of him. He doesn't own me or control me or any of those things. And if I have to play these fucking games and compete for my children just because he is an insecure and needy little fuck who can't go five seconds alone without freaking out, I just...

jesus sorry I am so angry right now - he needs to man up and stop being a fucking idiot like he has been for all these years. I put up with so much shit over these years from him and now he swoops in and is super dad. Fuck him. Fuck him for being an asshole all this time and now he's just the best thing ever.

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21-04-2014, 08:48 AM
RE: Things are getting nasty...
I'm sorry, I need to just not be on here right now, I guess.

It is hard to know you've done the right thing and then an asshole gets all the credit and plays the fucking victim.

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21-04-2014, 08:49 AM
RE: Things are getting nasty...
It's just that, if I start doing all the things he's doing, then I'm no better than him. I do not want to stoop to his level, that's all.

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21-04-2014, 08:50 AM
RE: Things are getting nasty...
(21-04-2014 08:46 AM)Escape Artist Wrote:  What's going to piss me off is if I feel like I have to play into his games. It feels then like he still is in control of me. He's spending money on them left and right, being their peer by playing with them all the time, and so then, so as for me not to look like an asshole, I have to play into his games.

THAT is what pisses me off. I am rid of him. He doesn't own me or control me or any of those things. And if I have to play these fucking games and compete for my children just because he is an insecure and needy little fuck who can't go five seconds alone without freaking out, I just...

jesus sorry I am so angry right now - he needs to man up and stop being a fucking idiot like he has been for all these years. I put up with so much shit over these years from him and now he swoops in and is super dad. Fuck him. Fuck him for being an asshole all this time and now he's just the best thing ever.

Then don't, step up and talk to your children (at least your daughter). Be the grown up. You can beat this EA, just calm down a bit and relax. We're here for you Hug

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21-04-2014, 08:50 AM
RE: Things are getting nasty...
(21-04-2014 08:50 AM)Im_Ryan Wrote:  
(21-04-2014 08:46 AM)Escape Artist Wrote:  What's going to piss me off is if I feel like I have to play into his games. It feels then like he still is in control of me. He's spending money on them left and right, being their peer by playing with them all the time, and so then, so as for me not to look like an asshole, I have to play into his games.

THAT is what pisses me off. I am rid of him. He doesn't own me or control me or any of those things. And if I have to play these fucking games and compete for my children just because he is an insecure and needy little fuck who can't go five seconds alone without freaking out, I just...

jesus sorry I am so angry right now - he needs to man up and stop being a fucking idiot like he has been for all these years. I put up with so much shit over these years from him and now he swoops in and is super dad. Fuck him. Fuck him for being an asshole all this time and now he's just the best thing ever.

Then don't, step up and talk to your children (at least your daughter). Be the grown up. You can beat this EA, just calm down a bit and relax. We're here for you Hug

I'm trying to calm down, just shaky and angry right now. Sad

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21-04-2014, 08:51 AM
RE: Things are getting nasty...
(21-04-2014 08:49 AM)Escape Artist Wrote:  It's just that, if I start doing all the things he's doing, then I'm no better than him. I do not want to stoop to his level, that's all.

Then don't Smile
Also, sounds like you do, in fact, need to be here...our with your kids (if possible).

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21-04-2014, 08:52 AM (This post was last modified: 21-04-2014 08:56 AM by Hobbitgirl.)
RE: Things are getting nasty...
Honestly I wouldnt play games with him.

Its not about him anymore. Its about those kids. Even if you feel like hes pressuring them into saying things you shouldn't look at it that way, and you certainly shouldnt treat it that way. Do what you need to do to help those kids be happy and healthy (while being aware of the dads bullshit). They will one day see the truth for what it is (trust me).

Sadly (?) as a parent (at least I assume, as mine is still cooking) kids take the focus over how we are feeling, for the rest of our lives.
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21-04-2014, 08:53 AM
RE: Things are getting nasty...
(21-04-2014 08:50 AM)Escape Artist Wrote:  
(21-04-2014 08:50 AM)Im_Ryan Wrote:  Then don't, step up and talk to your children (at least your daughter). Be the grown up. You can beat this EA, just calm down a bit and relax. We're here for you Hug

I'm trying to calm down, just shaky and angry right now. Sad

You're a good mom EA, but read what Hobbit said. She's dead on, you just need to talk to them and Epson what is happening. You can't blame them for their ignorance, or worse, let them get answers from other sources. Your children will recognise your pain if you communicate it with them.

Atir aissom atir imon
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21-04-2014, 09:00 AM
RE: Things are getting nasty...
All I am able to offer is this.

Treat your children with the same respect you would treat anyone else. Communication is key to trust.

I say this not knowing anyone. So take my advice with that in mind.

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
Banjo.
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