Things are... tentatively settled
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17-08-2014, 08:12 AM
Things are... tentatively settled
I haven't exactly been forthcoming with updates as regards my divorce and all, but I hope y'all will forgive that. My stress levels have been off the charts of late. Hobo

But! Big Grin Things are looking up. We were going to have to have a hearing over the custody of the children because we could not come to an agreement. My ex was wanting primary custody of the children and I was not going to agree to that. So, hearing it was to be.

But in the final days before the hearing, the pressure set in, I suppose, and we got into offer/counter-offer mode. I'm not so comfortable going into too terribly many details as to why I thought it best to try and settle something out of court, but I can say that I just much preferred the idea of settling something ourselves rather than leaving it up to a judge.

Anyway, the result of all the offering and counter-offering is that the ex and I will have equal time with the children. We'll be on an alternating weeks /alternating holidays type of arrangement. School and health-related expenses will be split 50/50. No one is to pay child support.

Which is all great and pretty much exactly what I've wanted from the beginning - a fair arrangement wherein I did not get screwed. The one thing I gave up was the school the kids would go to. My ex was insistent on them going to a certain school while I had preferred to keep the option open, but seeing as the kids had no real preference this was not such a bad thing to give up. I just hope that if things go sour with this school and the kids would like to go to the other one, that my ex won't be difficult about it.

There are those in my family who aren't happy with all this. They wanted me to try my chances in court because they were certain I would win and could've gotten primary custody. With everything that went on over the years in my marriage, these folks are mostly just wanting him to "pay for it" in some way.

As far as I am concerned, things went well. This is an arrangement I can live with and that I believe my children can be happy with as well. Big Grin

Now, things are NOT finalized. The actual divorce decree has to be written up and all, so there is that. But this (the custody issue) was the biggest (and really just about the only) sticking point in everything. I hope that things go smoothly from here on out.


The next thing I'll come in here asking advice about is introducing one's children to the new man in their life. Blush

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17-08-2014, 08:16 AM
RE: Things are... tentatively settled
Very happy to hear that you are happy so far with the agreement.

Let the kids get used to the routine for a bit - lots going on with school getting ready to start and new arrangements with mom and dad - ease into the announcement after the dust settles.

It'll be okay. Smile

I'm not anti-social. I'm pro-solitude. Sleepy
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17-08-2014, 08:19 AM
RE: Things are... tentatively settled
I'm glad you were able to work things out! I hope there won't be any drama when it comes to making everything official Hug

Atheism is the only way to truly be free from sin.
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17-08-2014, 08:23 AM
RE: Things are... tentatively settled
Awesome. 50/50 ... the wisdom of Solomon. Kinda.

To preempt your request... Let the ex do the groundwork for you. My guess would be that new mums would be probably harder to explain than new dads.

So wait awhile Wink

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17-08-2014, 08:25 AM
RE: Things are... tentatively settled
(17-08-2014 08:16 AM)Anjele Wrote:  Very happy to hear that you are happy so far with the agreement.

Let the kids get used to the routine for a bit - lots going on with school getting ready to start and new arrangements with mom and dad - ease into the announcement after the dust settles.

It'll be okay. Smile

Thanks, Anj. Big Grin

No worries. I've still quite a few things to get settled before the boyfriend comes into the situation. So that should give the kids some time to adjust to the new arrangements beforehand.

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17-08-2014, 08:36 AM
RE: Things are... tentatively settled
(17-08-2014 08:12 AM)Escape Artist Wrote:  As far as I am concerned, things went well. This is an arrangement I can live with and that I believe my children can be happy with as well. Big Grin

Sounds perfect. Wins all the way around.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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17-08-2014, 09:58 AM
RE: Things are... tentatively settled
That's awesome! And honestly better than primary/secondary IMO because the responsibility/expenses are evenly divided. Congratulations Smile.
(17-08-2014 08:12 AM)Escape Artist Wrote:  The next thing I'll come in here asking advice about is introducing one's children to the new man in their life. Blush
My gut reaction is to say, don't...for a while. Especially during the transition stage.

My main reasons being: I grew up hating...like sincerely hating my dad. I grew up liking my mom, but not being incredibly close with her or really spending much time with her. I rejoiced and celebrated when my parents got divorced.

Even with this dysfunctional background, I still found it incredibly weird, uncomfortable, and unpleasant seeing my mom with her new husband. And it has NOTHING to do with him, he's a nice enough guy (although boring, and old). It's just that feeling that it's MY MOM, not YOUR WIFE/GIRLFRIEND that took me a while to get past. And she met him when I was an adult. I can't even imagine what it would be like as a kid whose parents just got a divorce to try to accept another parent figure in their life so soon.

Too many things changing at once might cause very undesirable results.

Just my thoughts...

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
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17-08-2014, 10:51 AM
RE: Things are... tentatively settled
Woo Hoo! Things are looking up for you. How wonderful - it must be a huge load off your shoulders. Now you can move onward with a ginormous dose of happy on your plate. Big Grin

We have enough youth. How about looking for the Fountain of Smart?
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17-08-2014, 11:12 AM
RE: Things are... tentatively settled
Thanks everybody. It'll be still a while yet before Revs will be around, so there'll be some time for things to settle. Big Grin

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17-08-2014, 11:14 AM
RE: Things are... tentatively settled
(17-08-2014 11:12 AM)Escape Artist Wrote:  Thanks everybody. It'll be still a while yet before Revs will be around, so there'll be some time for things to settle. Big Grin

Oh I think you should have him around! Just maybe not around the kids right away. Big Grin
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