Things are... tentatively settled
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17-08-2014, 11:19 AM
RE: Things are... tentatively settled
(17-08-2014 11:14 AM)Hobbitgirl Wrote:  
(17-08-2014 11:12 AM)Escape Artist Wrote:  Thanks everybody. It'll be still a while yet before Revs will be around, so there'll be some time for things to settle. Big Grin

Oh I think you should have him around! Just maybe not around the kids right away. Big Grin

That's not really doable.

(31-07-2014 04:37 PM)Luminon Wrote:  America is full of guns, but they're useless, because nobody has the courage to shoot an IRS agent in self-defense
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17-08-2014, 11:28 AM
RE: Things are... tentatively settled
(17-08-2014 11:19 AM)Revenant77x Wrote:  
(17-08-2014 11:14 AM)Hobbitgirl Wrote:  Oh I think you should have him around! Just maybe not around the kids right away. Big Grin

That's not really doable.

That sucks. Sad I'm sure you guys will figure something out.

"People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use." Soren Kierkegaard
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17-08-2014, 11:31 AM
RE: Things are... tentatively settled
(17-08-2014 11:28 AM)Hobbitgirl Wrote:  
(17-08-2014 11:19 AM)Revenant77x Wrote:  That's not really doable.

That sucks. Sad I'm sure you guys will figure something out.

We have a plan, we are going to introduce them slowly over the interwebz so they can at least get to know me a bit before I come out there.

(31-07-2014 04:37 PM)Luminon Wrote:  America is full of guns, but they're useless, because nobody has the courage to shoot an IRS agent in self-defense
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17-08-2014, 11:37 AM
RE: Things are... tentatively settled
That sounds like it might work. Just make sure its a slow build. Its really shocking when mom introduces new boyfriends quickly. I always struggled with that.

"People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use." Soren Kierkegaard
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17-08-2014, 12:37 PM
RE: Things are... tentatively settled
For now, they know that I have friends I Skype with. I've been on group calls before when the kids were around and my son has seen me on a chat with Tarty, so that is kind of a first step... just letting them see that mom has friends (guys and girls) that she talks to online. I really didn't have any friends to speak of when my ex and I were together (he would more or less pick who I could be friends with, and even that mainly meant that I could be sort of friendly to his friends - the one girl friend that I've had, he never approved of me hanging out with on my own) and so even introducing the idea of "It's okay for mom to have friends" is something kind of new.

I mean, maybe they already think I should be able to have friends. They've been pretty chill about my Skype-ing with folks, though sometimes they will want to get nosy and try and read chat history Tongue

Once the divorce is final, then I plan to gradually be a bit more open about it. Participate in chats more often. Let them see me texting with folks over Skype, then hear me talking with them on the phone feature, then of course let them see me video-chatting with Revs. Just, baby baby steps, is what I plan on. Yes I hope that will help make the transition as smooth as possible.

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17-08-2014, 12:47 PM
RE: Things are... tentatively settled
Glad things are progressing in a way you're happy with! You deserve it! Big Grin Hug

People used to laugh at me when I would say "I want to be a comedian". Well nobody is laughing now!

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17-08-2014, 01:21 PM
RE: Things are... tentatively settled
(17-08-2014 08:12 AM)Escape Artist Wrote:  I haven't exactly been forthcoming with updates as regards my divorce and all, but I hope y'all will forgive that. My stress levels have been off the charts of late. Hobo

But! Big Grin Things are looking up. We were going to have to have a hearing over the custody of the children because we could not come to an agreement. My ex was wanting primary custody of the children and I was not going to agree to that. So, hearing it was to be.

But in the final days before the hearing, the pressure set in, I suppose, and we got into offer/counter-offer mode. I'm not so comfortable going into too terribly many details as to why I thought it best to try and settle something out of court, but I can say that I just much preferred the idea of settling something ourselves rather than leaving it up to a judge.

Anyway, the result of all the offering and counter-offering is that the ex and I will have equal time with the children. We'll be on an alternating weeks /alternating holidays type of arrangement. School and health-related expenses will be split 50/50. No one is to pay child support.

Which is all great and pretty much exactly what I've wanted from the beginning - a fair arrangement wherein I did not get screwed. The one thing I gave up was the school the kids would go to. My ex was insistent on them going to a certain school while I had preferred to keep the option open, but seeing as the kids had no real preference this was not such a bad thing to give up. I just hope that if things go sour with this school and the kids would like to go to the other one, that my ex won't be difficult about it.

There are those in my family who aren't happy with all this. They wanted me to try my chances in court because they were certain I would win and could've gotten primary custody. With everything that went on over the years in my marriage, these folks are mostly just wanting him to "pay for it" in some way.

As far as I am concerned, things went well. This is an arrangement I can live with and that I believe my children can be happy with as well. Big Grin

Now, things are NOT finalized. The actual divorce decree has to be written up and all, so there is that. But this (the custody issue) was the biggest (and really just about the only) sticking point in everything. I hope that things go smoothly from here on out.


The next thing I'll come in here asking advice about is introducing one's children to the new man in their life. Blush



I like the no child support and don't like it at the same time. You might prepare for stupid arguments when someone needs a new coat or shoes. Like" I paid last week for x y z". But hopefully you can work that out.
And you can have the new guy around but not make relationship obvious till kiddos adjust to the real divorce.

Happy for you!!!

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