Thinking about writing to an estranged friend
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28-03-2015, 02:49 PM
RE: Thinking about writing to an estranged friend
(26-03-2015 02:28 PM)undergroundp Wrote:  Thanks for the advice everyone. I know it's stupid of me insist on digging up the past for no good reason, but it just makes me more and more upset as time goes by.

I guess I should resist the urge for now until I'm more calm and until I've decided what I should say, if I do end up writing something after all.

Sounds solid but let me ask - is there some goal to making contact? Is there a resolve to become friends again or to simply cleanse yourself of some bad mojo you're feeling that you don't think you deserve?

People drift apart. Petty jealousies are at play in many instances that get blown out of proportion. Next thing you know even your own imagination is against you. Is the person you want to contact outwardly displaying evidence of a vendetta towards you or are you simply metabolizing her that way? I ask because it usually takes the actions of both parties obtain these kinds of results.

If you can't truthfully answer my questions, drop your suspicions and give her a call just to chat.
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28-03-2015, 07:10 PM
RE: Thinking about writing to an estranged friend
I'm probably not a good person to give advice, but since you posted, I'll say my advice is to drop it and let it go. From your description, she was a toxic "friend" who didn't like you. If she ends up re-connecting with you, she'll probably be just as toxic as she was then. Your telling her how she hurt you will probably just put her on the defensive and make her lash out at you all over again. I think she did you a favor when she broke off contact.

Here's an idea: Instead of contacting her, you and your other friend role-play an encounter, one of you being her, and one of you being yourself. In this encounter, "she" behaves as you wish she would, apologizing for and repenting of her bad behavior. Then you can switch roles. Start out serious (how you would like her to react) and move on to silly (ridiculous but inoffensive ways she might react). Keep it lighthearted.

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29-03-2015, 12:07 PM
RE: Thinking about writing to an estranged friend
(28-03-2015 02:49 PM)pitar Wrote:  Sounds solid but let me ask - is there some goal to making contact? Is there a resolve to become friends again or to simply cleanse yourself of some bad mojo you're feeling that you don't think you deserve?

People drift apart. Petty jealousies are at play in many instances that get blown out of proportion. Next thing you know even your own imagination is against you. Is the person you want to contact outwardly displaying evidence of a vendetta towards you or are you simply metabolizing her that way? I ask because it usually takes the actions of both parties obtain these kinds of results.

If you can't truthfully answer my questions, drop your suspicions and give her a call just to chat.

Unfortunately, its not just suspicions.
She wrote about her "ex best friend" on her blog (who couldn't have been anyone else but me) while not knowing I had discovered and actually read her blog, she expressed her anger about the fact that I started a relationship with a guy she introduced me to, she claimed that "true friends don't forget about you when they move to another place" (although she was the one who had been ignoring me while we still lived in the same city) and of course I've had two friends confess to me that she had been talking about me behind my back, saying that I had changed, that I was becoming slut because I started wearing skirts and even that I was copying her, her style and what she wore and all.

I've also caught her lying to me on numerous occasions, but I never told her I knew.

I'm not hoping to become friends with her, I don't even wish for that, I just feel like i want her to know that I knew what she was saying behind my back, that she lied to me and that she wasn't as subtle as she'd like to be. I want to show her how unfair she was and how she got herself into this position, that it was her fault for not opening up to me and not mine, as she blamed me (even though I never ignored her).

I want nothing to do with her, I just want to show her I wasn't a monster who destroyed her life and that she needs to take responsibility for what she unfairly accused me off.

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29-03-2015, 01:49 PM
RE: Thinking about writing to an estranged friend
(29-03-2015 12:07 PM)undergroundp Wrote:  
(28-03-2015 02:49 PM)pitar Wrote:  Sounds solid but let me ask - is there some goal to making contact? Is there a resolve to become friends again or to simply cleanse yourself of some bad mojo you're feeling that you don't think you deserve?

People drift apart. Petty jealousies are at play in many instances that get blown out of proportion. Next thing you know even your own imagination is against you. Is the person you want to contact outwardly displaying evidence of a vendetta towards you or are you simply metabolizing her that way? I ask because it usually takes the actions of both parties obtain these kinds of results.

If you can't truthfully answer my questions, drop your suspicions and give her a call just to chat.

Unfortunately, its not just suspicions.
She wrote about her "ex best friend" on her blog (who couldn't have been anyone else but me) while not knowing I had discovered and actually read her blog, she expressed her anger about the fact that I started a relationship with a guy she introduced me to, she claimed that "true friends don't forget about you when they move to another place" (although she was the one who had been ignoring me while we still lived in the same city) and of course I've had two friends confess to me that she had been talking about me behind my back, saying that I had changed, that I was becoming slut because I started wearing skirts and even that I was copying her, her style and what she wore and all.

I've also caught her lying to me on numerous occasions, but I never told her I knew.

I'm not hoping to become friends with her, I don't even wish for that, I just feel like i want her to know that I knew what she was saying behind my back, that she lied to me and that she wasn't as subtle as she'd like to be. I want to show her how unfair she was and how she got herself into this position, that it was her fault for not opening up to me and not mine, as she blamed me (even though I never ignored her).

I want nothing to do with her, I just want to show her I wasn't a monster who destroyed her life and that she needs to take responsibility for what she unfairly accused me off.

In that case, go right ahead. Just don't expect anything good to come from it.

Or just let it go.


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29-03-2015, 01:56 PM
RE: Thinking about writing to an estranged friend
(29-03-2015 12:07 PM)undergroundp Wrote:  I want nothing to do with her, I just want to show her I wasn't a monster who destroyed her life and that she needs to take responsibility for what she unfairly accused me off.

I think you need to realize how lucky you are to have this person out of your life and give her all the consideration she deserves...none. People who know you who matter will know that she's the one with the problem and if they don't you can let them know what really happened. She's taking up way too much time and energy on your part. Fuck her and the high horse she's riding and deal with the people in your life that are positives.

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