This is really awkward!
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20-05-2011, 11:03 PM
 
This is really awkward!
Um.

Hi all, I'm Annie and I'm a fifteen-year-old Catholic -

*ducks to avoid tomatoes being thrown at her head*

No! Wait! I - I wanna become Athiest. I go to a seriously Catholic school. And I gotta say, it's hardly a school, it's a fucking brainwash institute. It has its own chapel, we have a hour or more of religion classes every day, and every single classroom has at least one wooden crucifix or a statue of Our Lady or something.

Everyone I know has been pretty much indoctrinated to believe that "God and Jesus = good!"

But I don't. Admittedly, I did - for a long time. The entire family's Catholic, and I'm in my tenth year at a Catholic school (but only my third year at this SERIOUSLY religious one). Went to church a couple of times a month and all that.

Then there was a point in my life when I got hit with a mental disorder. I don't really want to go into that much, but, long story short, I kinda, uh, see the world from a different perspective than all of you do ... it's really shitty, to be honest - don't really wanna write about it. But, like, I seem fine from the outside, but on the inside, everything is pretty much fucked up ... everything's so dreamlike .... don't wanna trust people ... feel like an alien in my own skin ....

Shit! I sound totally insane! I'm not insane, really! And I hate talking about it! Let's just got even go there.

So, yep, something's wrong with me. But due to his fucking disorder, everything is INTENSELY philosophical to me. So I started questioning God and all that ... questioning everything ... analysing everything.

I remember when I first started questioning Jesus' motives. It was the end of year 7, three-or-so months into the disorder. We were learning about how if you have faith, you can do anything, and we were reading Mark 11:12, which is a story where Jesus is feeling hungry and goes over to a fig tree. But it doesn't have any figs on it, 'cause it wasn't the season for figs. And Jesus gets pretty pissed of at the tree. Anyway, a while later, they're walking back past the tree, and Peter the disciple goes (and I'm paraphrasing here, can you tell?) "Oi! Jesus! Check out what you did to the tree!" and it was all dead and stuff. Jesus then tells us how with faith, you can move mountains or do anything you want.

OK, fair enough, faith can do anything. But killing a tree just to show that seems a bit harsh, aye? What happened to the sixth commandment? "Thou shall not kill"? You just killed a tree! (I pointed this out to my religion teacher two years ago and she gave me some crap about how it only meant killing people blah blah blah. Fine, it applied to people. So I guess that caring for the environment doesn't really matter to Jesus.)

So, every school day at school I'm reading the bible. And it's like, the more I read it, the more I see what total hypocritical, judgmental DICKHEADS the lot of them are.

If I were to list everything that Jesus and God did that pissed me off, I'd be here all day. Here are just some of my personal least favourites:
*claiming that performing an act of homosexuality is a sin
*God sending plagues of stuff after people
*Jesus telling his disciples that calling someone a fool is pretty much a one way ticket to "fiery hell", and then spends pretty much every other chapter calling someone ELSE a fool
*God killing that bloke and his wife in Acts 'cause they lied about money. Well, I guess "thou shall not kill" doesn't need to apply if you're God

Conclusion: these guys that us Catholics are meant to be worshipping are MAJORLY screwed.

So, yeah, I figured this Catholic stuff is definitely not for me, and, really, who needs a God around ('specially when the God you're meant to be following is off killing some dude or starting a flood)?

But, I have a problem. So, I haven't been brainwashed ... but I've been semi-brainwashed. God is stuck with me. He's chilling up in heaven, doing evil shit ... I wish I could honestly say I don't believe he's up there, 'cause I don't WANT him up there! I want to just have a big bang theory and be done with it! We don't need some sadistic old bloke telling us to be kind to each other; in fact, the fact that people think they need to rely on a BOOK to tell them that is just SAD!

But, here's the sad truth. Even if I could get myself just to forget God, I'd be the SHITTIEST Athiest on the planet. Like, I know most of the bible references by heart, pretty much, and I know every story and I've read the bible a MILLION times and I'm a confirmed Catholic and I go to a Catholic school where 95% of the school song is about God.

And then there's like, the family. It was just yesterday that my grandma had me play flute for her. Then she put her hands together in prayer and said "Lord, it was only your power that could send me such a beautiful, good granddaughter". Thankfully they don't have some telepathic connection or God might've mentioned that I called Jesus a dickhead in prayer a couple of weeks ago.

Ugh, see what I mean? I'm just implying that he exists ... but I don't want to!

And it's like, if he IS up there ... gah! It'd be just my luck to die, and then open my eyes and be out the front of the pearly gates, getting totally greased off by Saint Pete.

Oh, God, why am I even WRITING this here? I'd just be an embarrassment to Atheism.

I failed as a Catholic. I'm not even gonna make it as an Athiest.
Guess I should just pack up and go Muslim.
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[+] 1 user Likes annie's post
20-05-2011, 11:24 PM
RE: This is really awkward!
So THIS is what it's like inside the head of a 15 year old girl. A lot of "like totally's" and "I hope Brent thinks I'm cute's".

No but seriously, at 15 no one's asking you to be the voice for atheists (please spell it right from now on, GRAMMAR NAZI HAS SPOKEN). Just keep your mind and ears open, read a few atheist books, watch a few youtube videos, peruse this site and get familiar with WHY catholic school is an oxymoron.

And as far as the "I'd be the SHITTIEST Athiest on the planet. Like, I know most of the bible references by heart, pretty much, and I know every story and I've read the bible a MILLION times' part... you'll be surprised to discover that the majority of atheists know the Bible better than their counterparts... reading the Bible is what made most of us atheists in the first place.

"Even if I could get myself just to forget God"

-We don't "forget" or "ignore" this God person here. We embrace him, study him, judge him, compare him to other gods, and ultimately arrive at the conclusion that he was a genocidal, racist, sexist dickhead who demanded praises from the very people he was slaughtering.


Welcome.

"Ain't got no last words to say, yellow streak right up my spine. The gun in my mouth was real and the taste blew my mind."

"We see you cry. We turn your head. Then we slap your face. We see you try. We see you fail. Some things never change."
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20-05-2011, 11:36 PM
 
RE: This is really awkward!
Thanks for the welcome, Buddy Christ.
Yeah, us 15-year-old are kinda heavy-handed with the "like totally's" - sorry about that. Will attempt to cut down on it.
Also sorry about being unable to spell 'Atheist' (that is truly an EPIC fail).

And when I say "forget" God, I mean forgetting that feeling that's he watching me and judging me and all that shit. I dunno. Basically, I hope he digs a very deep hole an buries himself in it. And I could just ignore him forever.
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20-05-2011, 11:42 PM (This post was last modified: 20-05-2011 11:46 PM by Buddy Christ.)
RE: This is really awkward!
...am ...am I the only one who wants to request that she make a contribution to the Forum Picture Thread? I mean come on, 15 year old school girl? I bet she's even got the uniform... I mean... uh, no. Bad Atheist! This isn't Kentucky, there are age laws. Shame!


Edit: I think I just made the thread title a bit more fitting

"Ain't got no last words to say, yellow streak right up my spine. The gun in my mouth was real and the taste blew my mind."

"We see you cry. We turn your head. Then we slap your face. We see you try. We see you fail. Some things never change."
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21-05-2011, 12:23 AM
 
RE: This is really awkward!
(20-05-2011 11:42 PM)Buddy Christ Wrote:  ...am ...am I the only one who wants to request that she make a contribution to the Forum Picture Thread? I mean come on, 15 year old school girl? I bet she's even got the uniform... I mean... uh, no. Bad Atheist! This isn't Kentucky, there are age laws. Shame!

Just for you, Buddy Christ .. http://thethinkingatheist.com/forum/Thre...5#pid31455

BAHAHAHA I don't think I'm the pinnacle or teenage-girl-hawtness you were expecting ...

No uniform pics though ... omg stalkers!
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21-05-2011, 01:19 AM
RE: This is really awkward!
(20-05-2011 11:42 PM)Buddy Christ Wrote:  Bad Atheist! This isn't Kentucky, there are age laws. Shame!

So sad I live in Kentucky. Underage incestuous undereducated pit of the world. Perfect spot for that "Ark Experience". Noah would feel right at home. -_-

Welcome, Annie! Big Grin I really hope you enjoy yourself here! I know what it's like to feel like an "alien in your own skin", thought admittedly probably in a different way than you experience. Tongue

You may not expect this from an atheist, but I absolutely love and adore my Christian friends. ^_^ I think they believe in some pretty silly stuff, but for the most part I'm very content to live and let live. You'll find there are all shades of atheists, just like there are all shades of theists. Don't worry about being a shitty atheist, I'm not sure there is such a thing. Tongue

I hope you find what you're looking for here, even if it's not necessarily atheism. Yhwh is definitely an ass. Not sure Allah is better, though. Tongue lol, I know you were just kidding.

After I rejected Christianity, I believed VERY strongly in spiritual things for about a half a year before I finally just had an epiphany and realized I stopped believing in it all. Maybe the same will happen to you? Who knows? You've got a long way ahead of you.

Or at least until midnight Jerusalem time today. <_<

"It does feel like something to be wrong; it feels like being right." -Kathryn Schulz
I am 100% certain that I am wrong about something I am certain about right now. Because even if everything I stand for turns out to be completely true, I was still wrong about being wrong.
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21-05-2011, 02:53 AM
RE: This is really awkward!
Hey Annie, welcome to the forum. I'll make this quick before Buddy Christ & Pedobear kidnap you Big Grin

Just wanted to say you don't have to worry about being a "bad" atheist. We don't have classifications to determine how "good" our atheism is. You're just an atheist if you stop believing the bullcrap taught in holy (sic) books (or never believed it to begin with).

I went to a catholic school too, know alot of bible verses and religious history. But that just made me a better atheist. <Godwin's law infraction> Knowing alot about german WW2 history doesn't make you a nazi </Godwin's law infraction>

We at TTA value you as a person, we don't care about your background or family history. You didn't choose that yourself. I find it special though that you detached yourself from religion, even though your seem to suffer from a mental disorder (schizofrenia would be my guess, but I don't have enough information). You might as well have perceived it as a divine influence, making you the "chosen one" or something along those lines. So kudos for being rational with an extra irrational mind.

I wish you the very best on this forum and in your personal life. NEVER, EVER think you're not worthy of posting. Just have fun, debate, get informed and make some friends.

grtz,

T

"Infinitus est numerus stultorum." (The number of fools is infinite)
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22-05-2011, 05:44 PM
 
RE: This is really awkward!
Hi Annie.

Welcome to the forums. I hope to see you around a bit more.

I can "like totally" sympathise with you and your feelings at the moment. I was pretty much exactly in your position when I was only 12. I had a falling out with my Religious Education teacher in school and from that point forward I started to swim against the current.

I would like to make a suggestion, if I may, about how to proceed from here, having gone through what you're going through now. Consider yourself as an unknowing puppet in a show and have for the first time seen a string attached to your hand and wondered why it was there. The world is a freak show where we all watch each other and are entertained and take part in our own way. But some of us watch the show and take notes, writing down questions that begin with "WHY?" (analogy borrowed from George Carlin). Those people are pretty much made up of Atheists.

I'd encourage you to keep writing down these questions and store them somewhere in the back of your mind for later. At 15 you have more important things to do with your life right now than be worried about an omniscient creator. If you begin to swim against the tide at 15, it's going to be difficult, and if your school is anything like mine was, you'll be looked at as an outcast and that can make your years left in school more difficult than they need to be. Being the outcast is not always a bad thing, but remember that you can fly under the radar so long as you know in your mind what you believe to be true to you. Keep asking yourself why things are taught to you that don't make sense and don't blindly accept everything presented to you at face value.

When you are older and venturing out into the world on your own, start investigating, researching and learning the truth behind many of the questions you have asked yourself. Watch documentaries, read bulletin boards and explore both sides of any argument. Your brain is already on the right path and it will give you the right answers; the truthful answers and the knowledge you need not to spend your whole life inside the freak show.

Religion, is a major part of peoples lives but there are other topics that you may find weird such as money, climate change, laws, shopping centres, food and many other things are not as simple as what you are told to believe.

Atheism is about knowledge. Almost every Atheist I know knows more about religion than any other believer. I personally know more about Christianity and it's history than my Uncle who is today a Pastor at a very famous church that runs it's own television channel. The more you learn the more you'll see.

I wish you every luck in your journey to see the world as you should and not as you are told too. Atheists are good, intellectual and caring people and if you ask a question on this forum you won't be hit with flying fruit and you will find the truthful answers to the questions you have.

Sinex
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22-05-2011, 06:57 PM
RE: This is really awkward!
Firstly i want to congratulate you on taking your first steps towards atheism. The fact that you have read the bible and seen it it for what it truly is You know bible verses etc so do alot of atheists one of the difference between atheists and christians is atheists have actualy read the bible.
Im from a catholic family i even went to a catholic school lourdes secondary there was a crucifix or a statue of mary in almost every class room although most of the teachers including the religious education teachers didnt take it as seriously as the teachers at your school take it.
You dont sound insane you make perfect sense you clearly have a knowledge of the religion you are critical of which is useful.
As for my family ive always made it clear that i dont beleave in a god and they dont have a problem with it ive been lucky in that respect im sure that there are other users on here that will have had it alot worse than me for having different beliefs from their family.
I think you will make a fine atheist welcome to TTA.

Behold the power of the force!
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22-05-2011, 10:13 PM
RE: This is really awkward!
Quite frankly, I don't believe that someone who is religious would wish to be an atheist. If you wish to lose belief, it would seem you already have. Losing ones religion is commonly a traumatic series of events, in which ones entire worldview changes, and their world is thrown upside-down.
Perhaps you meant skepticism. I wish to be a skeptic (and ironically I'm not convinced I am), and I strive to apply skeptical and critical thinking to all beliefs and propositions. I don't know how you feel about that, although it seems that you are thinking skeptically about the religious beliefs you were brought up in, from what I have read.

I would like to know, however, what the science education at that school is like.

"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason and intellect has intended us to forego their use." - Galileo

"Every man is guilty of all the good he did not do." - Voltaire
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