This isn't a theism question, just mother daughter.
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13-05-2017, 06:48 PM
This isn't a theism question, just mother daughter.
I'm having an issue with my wife and daughter. Specifically, they are at each other's throats. My daughter (17) is physically much larger than her mother and so is not intimidated by her. My wife has a ridiculous temper. I try to be neutral but they speak/yell at each other in spanish (I can mostly follow, but I don't get the subtleties).

I've repeatedly told my wife to stop, I will take care of it but she has a temper; she can't stop.

I really have no one to talk to about this. My family and all the local support groups for this type of stuff are religious. Both of them are believers (I'm an out atheist; which they both rail against).
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13-05-2017, 07:57 PM
RE: This isn't a theism question, just mother daughter.
Welcome.

Just to be clear, are you asking for advice on where you and your family can find secular help?

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”~ Ambrose Bierce
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14-05-2017, 04:57 AM
RE: This isn't a theism question, just mother daughter.
If your wife isn't amenable to defusing the conflict, is there a way for you to work with your daughter to do so? You could talk to her about recognizing when a conversation is starting to heat up and how to cool it down. Also, is it possible to ask your daughter and her mom to keep disagreements in English so that you can all participate? I understand that you want to remove yourself from these situations, but if you don't, and mother and daughter must include you, the pace of the argument will probably slow. My final bit of practical advice is to lean in and lower your voice so that they will have to stop yelling in order to hear what you are saying.

My teenage son and I went through a period several years ago where pretty much every conversation turned into an argument, and my husband blew up about it one day to both of us about how much it was bothering him. The weird thing was that for my son and me, we weren't necessarily having a bad time or feeling upset; arguing with each other was how we interacted, and we were both getting a certain amount of energy and satisfaction from it. Maybe enjoying it a little too much. It's an easy pattern to fall into, especially with a teenager.

When my husband told us how much this bothered him, we stopped doing it. This involved a bunch of work on my part, since I was the grownup and could better see the patterns leading to an argument and understood where to make a left turn instead of going straight. My son also changed his behavior and started policing his reactions more. This permanently improved the emotional atmosphere in our household.

You might also ask a counselor how you can cope with the stress, if your wife and daughter don't change their behavior.

I hope things improve soon.
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