This scar, this depression
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06-06-2014, 12:31 PM
RE: This scar, this depression
(06-06-2014 03:59 AM)Michael_Tadlock Wrote:  My fiance...

My fiance...

Well, now; since you said she was a she (I wouldn't presume, if you hadn't mentioned it); that'd be your fiancée, rather...

... this is my signature!
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06-06-2014, 12:32 PM
RE: This scar, this depression
But, you know. Look on the bright side; it could be in a worse spot...

... this is my signature!
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06-06-2014, 12:48 PM
RE: This scar, this depression
(06-06-2014 12:32 PM)cjlr Wrote:  But, you know. Look on the bright side; it could be in a worse spot...

I was thinking something similar. Some people try to commit suicide by eating a load of paracetamol or blowing off their face with a shotgun and surviving. I read in the book Iron Coffins, which was about serving in the U-boats during WWII, one German seaman deserted, ran away and tried to blow his brains out and just ended up blinding himself instead.

It's a very real concern when you are suicidal.
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06-06-2014, 01:01 PM
RE: This scar, this depression
Alright let me make a speech to help.

You see friends are fun, but in life you don't look for people to call friend, you look for people to call brother or sister. Because you see friends will eventually have to leave, brothers and sisters last till the end of your days. I agree with martial arts too, as more capoeira has made me happier, that is what working out does.

Also I don't know why you want to commit suicide. Looks are out because you look adorable. You are smart too. If it is pain that makes you want to do it than you should go for help.

It is sad to see you in this position. I can't help much because I am 17(so what the fuck do I know) but I can try.

And remember we are not friends, but siblings, brother and sister.

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06-06-2014, 01:40 PM
RE: This scar, this depression
(06-06-2014 12:31 PM)cjlr Wrote:  
(06-06-2014 03:59 AM)Michael_Tadlock Wrote:  My fiance...

My fiance...

Well, now; since you said she was a she (I wouldn't presume, if you hadn't mentioned it); that'd be your fiancée, rather...

Laugh out load
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06-06-2014, 02:28 PM (This post was last modified: 06-06-2014 02:45 PM by goodwithoutgod.)
RE: This scar, this depression
(05-06-2014 10:14 PM)Charis Wrote:  It's 6-7".
14 stitches.
It's now summer; short-sleeves weather. I have to cover it. It's too new still for a tatoo.
Yes, it's a suicide scar, and it's a bad one. It's not your usual "surface scratch."

You don't understand! Guys flirt with me, they give me all these compliments, some of them try to sleep with me (some succeed... love ya, Guley), but they always give this blank look when they ask what I do with friends for fun and I tell them that I pretty much keep to myself. I don't go out with friends. I don't really HAVE friends. I have acquaintances that I'm fond of.

Martial arts is my only "outside" activity and its biggest use is therapeutic so that the depression is kept at bay. It's literally a lifesaver. The only one in class who knows what I'm hiding is my instructor. The rest have been given my "fight with vicious garden gnomes" bs as explanation about why I wrap my wrist. Well that and the arthritis, which is kinda convenient in this case so that I'm not lying when I say my wrist hurts.

I tried to take my life and failed. Many have also tried and failed, minus the physical and very stigmatizing evidence of it, because of the method they were about to use.

In some ways, I guess I actually succeeded, since, is this a life?

It's a gash. A shiny red gash. My OTHER wrist is cute, dainty, slender, whatever... it's what my wrists should look like.... and then there's this 7" gash up my left forearm that practically screams "she's crazy, keep away!" if I don't keep it covered.

The mark of the mentally unbalanced or the deranged. It will be forever a "red flag" for anyone who would otherwise think of dating me. And why shouldn't it be? It's not as if I've had the most stable life, and it hasn't left me with the strongest emotional disposition. Perpetual abuse leaves its mark, and most guys don't want "baggage."


I don't even know what I'm asking or saying or wanting.... just writing.

Amazing sometimes how inner turmoil can be covered by such a gorgeous outside. Love yourself, you are worthy of love, but first you have to love yourself. You are beautiful, articulate, intelligent and most of all an atheist...which means you are sane in a insane world. Everyone has acronyms in their DNA, and most likely everyone fits the description of some diagnosis inside the huge psychological science text book...but labels cripple, they lower your drive, they make you want to fit into the little box that matches the label....break out of the box and LIVE!, Life is too wonderful to waste. I have lost two children to infantile tay-sachs, my wife at the time committed suicide and was successful on her third attempt due to mental instability and inability to deal with our daughters death. I was told I had strong mental resilience because I didnt go hug a shrink, or clutch a bottle of pills, I didnt think that was a viable option, and as much as my heart hurt, I knew I just had to keep putting one foot in front of the other, and focus on something positive...life goes on.

Everyone deals with grief different, everyone deals with depression different. i can't say I know how you feel because I have never been depressed, but I know pain, and it sounds like you have some. Whatever you have been through don't let it continue to hurt you by obsessing on it, conquer it/them by living your life to the fullest, laugh in the face of pain...embrace your smile, it is gorgeous....live..you are worthy of love, love yourself. Heart

As far as the scar goes, in my opinion you have three choices.

1) Cover it...like you said, a bit hard at the moment.
2) Embrace it, any man worth a shit will understand when you say, I had a low spot in my life, I tried to deal with it in the wrong way, and I learned from it, now I am all good.
3) Lie, say you got cut in a terrible box cutter accident, or car accident or at work or while skiing in the alps..

My vote is option 2.

Smile, lighten up the room, and enjoy every precious minute of life because it is worth living.

"Belief is so often the death of reason" - Qyburn, Game of Thrones

"The Christian community continues to exist because the conclusions of the critical study of the Bible are largely withheld from them." -Hans Conzelmann (1915-1989)
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06-06-2014, 07:08 PM (This post was last modified: 06-06-2014 09:58 PM by GirlyMan.)
RE: This scar, this depression
(05-06-2014 10:14 PM)Charis Wrote:  It's 6-7".
14 stitches.
It's now summer; short-sleeves weather. I have to cover it. It's too new still for a tatoo.
Yes, it's a suicide scar, and it's a bad one. It's not your usual "surface scratch."

You don't understand! Guys flirt with me, they give me all these compliments, some of them try to sleep with me (some succeed... love ya, Guley), but they always give this blank look when they ask what I do with friends for fun and I tell them that I pretty much keep to myself. I don't go out with friends. I don't really HAVE friends. I have acquaintances that I'm fond of.

Martial arts is my only "outside" activity and its biggest use is therapeutic so that the depression is kept at bay. It's literally a lifesaver. The only one in class who knows what I'm hiding is my instructor. The rest have been given my "fight with vicious garden gnomes" bs as explanation about why I wrap my wrist. Well that and the arthritis, which is kinda convenient in this case so that I'm not lying when I say my wrist hurts.

I tried to take my life and failed. Many have also tried and failed, minus the physical and very stigmatizing evidence of it, because of the method they were about to use.

In some ways, I guess I actually succeeded, since, is this a life?

It's a gash. A shiny red gash. My OTHER wrist is cute, dainty, slender, whatever... it's what my wrists should look like.... and then there's this 7" gash up my left forearm that practically screams "she's crazy, keep away!" if I don't keep it covered.

The mark of the mentally unbalanced or the deranged. It will be forever a "red flag" for anyone who would otherwise think of dating me. And why shouldn't it be? It's not as if I've had the most stable life, and it hasn't left me with the strongest emotional disposition. Perpetual abuse leaves its mark, and most guys don't want "baggage."


I don't even know what I'm asking or saying or wanting.... just writing.

That's like the sexiest shit I've read in a while. I retract my previous support of a feather tattoo to cover it. Shiny red gash is sexy as all fuck. And longitudinal cuts are far more impressive than lateral cuts. Sexy shit.

#sigh
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06-06-2014, 07:30 PM
RE: This scar, this depression
(06-06-2014 12:24 PM)Charis Wrote:  Thank you so much for all of your kind words everyone. I can't really think up a fitting reply at the moment, but I've read all of them. Heart

I can only offer empathy as I still struggle with my scars. If I come upon an answer, you will be the first to know...well, second.

Hugs and much love.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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07-06-2014, 10:57 AM
RE: This scar, this depression
Any scar - especially fresh ones - are much more glaring to the owner than to the general public. And that will endure for decades. It will fade to others, but never to you. Think of it as some visible experience, like wrinkles.

Anyone who changes their opinion of you because of a scar isn't worth having in your life. Period.

Hug

We have enough youth. How about looking for the Fountain of Smart?
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07-06-2014, 03:49 PM
RE: This scar, this depression
(07-06-2014 10:57 AM)Thinkerbelle Wrote:  Any scar - especially fresh ones - are much more glaring to the owner than to the general public. And that will endure for decades. It will fade to others, but never to you. Think of it as some visible experience, like wrinkles.

Anyone who changes their opinion of you because of a scar isn't worth having in your life. Period.

Hug

exactly Thumbsup

"Belief is so often the death of reason" - Qyburn, Game of Thrones

"The Christian community continues to exist because the conclusions of the critical study of the Bible are largely withheld from them." -Hans Conzelmann (1915-1989)
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