Thor got me in trouble
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07-06-2011, 02:13 PM
RE: Thor got me in trouble
(07-06-2011 11:18 AM)GassyKitten Wrote:  
(07-06-2011 10:13 AM)LadyJane Wrote:  You know, there is nothing wrong with who you married or the fact your in-laws are uber religious or that you brought a child into this family. It is so harsh for someone to say this is a mistake or it won't work ...


That someone was me. If you're going to address my remarks, use my name. Smile

And I never said their relationship wouldn't work. So when you do address what I say, don't put words in my mouth.

Someone puts their private laundry onto a public forum and other members are surprised when someone doesn't pander and kiss ass and make nice, that it's all just lovely and don't worry it'll get better. If one doesn't want to garner a personal opinion from perfect strangers, don't post a personal experience on a internet forum.

I apologize if it seemed I was talking about you. I wasn't. I was referring to all people who have this frame of mind, because it is a popular thought. I have recently been back logging TTA podcasts because I just found them a couple months ago and I listened to the one about inter-faith relationships and if they'd work, so it's on my mind too. But, I should maybe not assume that other posters know where I am coming from and that I was being really general, so sorry.

Also, I don't think all people air out their private laundry for opinions or need to expect that from strangers. Some do it for support (yes, from strangers), or just for the air itself (snicker snicker). Statements like yours, however, make me not want to branch out into a community for fear of a seemingly harsh opinion that was not wanted. Maybe it's wrong to not want to know what others think or what they perceive the truth to be, but people are funny and sensitive sometimes. ETA: I don't see OP requesting opinion? But here we are (me included) giving some. Just an observation.




(07-06-2011 11:18 AM)GassyKitten Wrote:  What's harsh, is In-Laws who know the man their daughter married is an atheist and doesn't appreciate, and I'm sure has already had a talk with her family, religious rites and rituals in his home. If he's atheist it's intelligence that understands that means non-religious.

I don't understand this last sentence, or this whole part really?

(07-06-2011 11:18 AM)GassyKitten Wrote:  For a guest in someone's home to blatantly disrespect their host, knowing full well respect works both ways, demonstrates there is no respect for the son-in-law. That religious ritual has every right to display itself contrary to what good manners would dictate, because these particular Christians in question, think more of their right to put their faith in his face, than they do of respecting their atheist son-in-law's right to be free of nonsense in his own home.
And that his wife, their daughter, doesn't stand with him in insisting her own parents respect her own husband, whom she chose to marry and have a family with, demonstrates in something this minor, where her priorities are.

I agree. What we don't know is if OP's wife is actually theist, though. He never clarified for her one way or the other i the first post. It just says she got pissed and took Dad's side. Whether she is or isn't though, both OP and wife should have a house rules discussion, and make that clear to guests. Seems wife didn't enforce prayer time before the visit. The insult came later as a dig to 'God' himself, and not prayer at the table (two different things).




(07-06-2011 11:18 AM)GassyKitten Wrote:  And it's patent ignorance to imagine a child brought into this circumstance, isn't going to be affected by the chaos. An atheist father, a theist mother who will side with her parents and her faith before her husband, and Christian grandparents who visit and when they do, demonstrate their desire to bring to the family home a Christian atmosphere, makes for a conflict already. The husband, baby's father, apologizing for what? Being atheist and not appreciating being disrespected in his family home?
And unless those who think a child isn't going to be affected by this yet, have no extended family or children of their own, they don't realize that unless the child in this equation will never ever visit their religious grandparents, the child is still going to be affected by the divergent philosophies that occur under the roof of the family home. When mom and dad are together and when religious in-laws visit.

Children are affected by more than just religious differences. Differences, and chaos, are (unfortunately) inevitable in life. Diet differences, dealing with death, traditions- whether religious or not-. safety issues (maybe Dad won't feel safe when child walks to the store alone at 12yr, but mom does), how to treat the earth, politics... life is not a smooth ride. Like I said earlier, working out the conflict is an awesome skill to have.

(My opinion) Maybe the wife would like an apology of the mocking voice (manners)... but OP shouldn't apologize for his beliefs of atheism, for sure- definately agreed there.





(07-06-2011 11:18 AM)GassyKitten Wrote:  Disrespecting a man in his own home, by doing that which he requests be avoided because he does not respect those rituals, is an insult. It's just damn bad manners. No one here, who makes excuses for this blatant mockery of a son-in-laws atheism would think twice about speaking up if an invited guest into their home dropped their pants and took a piss on the carpet.
Not one of us would excuse that twisted behavior with; well, it's part of their culture. Oh, maybe if we had a nice gentle talk with them about defecating on the floor of someone's home... Well, that's not going to affect a child yet...

But let it be prayer, religious ritual, Baptism, and there's always an excuse to let the offender party be tolerated or excused.
That's probably because it's an attitude arrived at when it's someone elses hurdle. When it get's personal, if it actually happened to those who otherwise advise pandering to the offender, because it's not actually happening to them, somehow I think it would be a whole different ball of wax.


I agree that one offense or 'broken rule' is as bad as another. Those are things to be worked out. However, I think this will happen constantly as people evolve and change in their thinking and beliefs, boundaries and opinions over time. And it's really good for children to see how their parents interact and communicate and deal with these situations- to learn how to stick up for one's beliefs and also to compromise.


(07-06-2011 11:18 AM)GassyKitten Wrote:  Then again, when someone dares not show respect to someone who invites them into their home, and that host tolerates the disrespect so as not to step on any toes and even apologizes for being upset by disrespectful behavior, the line is drawn. There are people in this world that, if you let them piss on your floor, will take it to mean you respect more their right to deem your home worthy of being used as a toilet for fear of offending the ignorance that doesn't know that's not acceptable. As opposed to standing up and educating their blatant ignorance and thereby imparting to them the first simple fact; that being a guest in someone's home is a privilege, not a right.

Yup! And this is why, (purely coincidentally that I was also post-partum, lol) that when my FIL started to set up a game of poker in my living room on the second day my daughter was born I told him to go outside and find something else to do, because I just wanted to rock my baby because she'd never be 1 day (she was literally still 24 hours old, but it was the next 'day she was here) again, and so small and new. (he had rearranged the room to do this- I'm all for poker, but this pissed me off since it was already hard for me to get around).


Okay, and ONE side tidbit since OP had a christian/meal time post, just to share the sweet side of overbearing Christians, lol. My in-laws are also Christian, and when I became vegetarian (technically pescitarian since I still eat seafood), my FIL heard and so he came over and wore a shirt with the caption "I love all of God's fine creature's- right next to my potatoes and corn!" The shirt had a meat and potato type entry as a picture. Sooo funny, guy. lol. Then he lectured me about the bible saying animals don't have souls (which I held my tongue that he may not either, ha ha) and blah blah blah. I told him (since he didn't ask) that I wasn't an animal rights activist (although that's an added bonus I guess) and that I just wanted to have less hormones and chemicals and genetic modification in my body. In one ear and out the other. He replied with "Well, the bible doesn't say you can't be a vagitarian (no misspelling here, folks!) but if you were gay, that'd be a problem!" Awesome.
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09-06-2011, 07:53 PM
RE: Thor got me in trouble
(06-06-2011 10:45 AM)J-Hova Wrote:  She was all postpartumed up so I ended up apologizing to her, which kind of makes me mad too as I do not really think I did anything wrong.

Dude, this is frikking hilarious. No you didn't do anything wrong per se, but it's not gonna go on your list of the brightest things you ever did either. How long you been married? Cause just mumbling meaningless incantations and going along to get along is like Husband101. Big Grin

As it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.
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16-06-2011, 03:02 PM
RE: Thor got me in trouble
Kitten I by no means mind you criticism, however I do disagree with you stating:

"And it's patent ignorance to imagine a child brought into this circumstance, isn't going to be affected by the chaos." (sorry I do not know how to use the quote function)

I did not look for a wife with the prerequisite that she did not believe in god, hell when we were married I was not an atheist. While you would say it is "ignorance" to bring a child into this situation and that it would be a bad idea as he will be affected by the chaos. I think I would measure my pros and cons and not choose to remain childless out of the fear of the impending chaos, but hey to each their own.

I can see your anger with the situation as I too feel beatened down by the thrust of religion down one's throat. I simply pick my battles and would rather post a humorous thread on this forum than to do something that would upset my wife. If it was that big of a deal to me (as it would seem to be to you) I would. instead I got my point across my talking about Thor. Which, not to defend myself, but maybe just maybe (okay probably not) would make them think about the absurdity of ruling out all but one God.

I do not mind your criticism of me for posting my situation in an open forum, but keep in mind there are more ways to get through the day or a situation than the way you would handle it. Pulling a chair out from a guest and telling them to leave when disrespected may be your way. No problem. It's not mine, Making a poke at them to get my point across is. One is not better than the other, once again to each their own. I do not mind you being judgmental in the slightest, but my feedback to you after your post is to realize not everyone would handle a situation int the manner you would and you should not expect anyone to do that. I can see how someone would think you were coming off too harsh and were being a jerk. Perhaps you do not care about this and I'm not saying you should, but if you do it is something to keep in mind in your posts.

Maybe the intention of posting this story was not clear. I was not asking for advice, just relaying story I found to be funny. Thanks for the advise though, I will keep it in mind. Heart
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16-06-2011, 04:07 PM
RE: Thor got me in trouble
(09-06-2011 07:53 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  
(06-06-2011 10:45 AM)J-Hova Wrote:  She was all postpartumed up so I ended up apologizing to her, which kind of makes me mad too as I do not really think I did anything wrong.

Dude, this is frikking hilarious. No you didn't do anything wrong per se, but it's not gonna go on your list of the brightest things you ever did either. How long you been married? Cause just mumbling meaningless incantations and going along to get along is like Husband101. Big Grin

Amen brother! I can tell you took the course.

Next weeks lesson:

"No, you shouldn't have to put the seat down, but you damn well better anyways."

So many cats, so few good recipes.
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16-06-2011, 04:19 PM
RE: Thor got me in trouble
You need to re-check your syllabus. Next week's lesson is to learn how to answer the question "do these pants make me look fat?".

Shackle their minds when they're bent on the cross
When ignorance reigns, life is lost
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16-06-2011, 04:44 PM
RE: Thor got me in trouble
(16-06-2011 04:19 PM)BnW Wrote:  You need to re-check your syllabus. Next week's lesson is to learn how to answer the question "do these pants make me look fat?".

You must be thinking of the advanced course. 101 doesn't address complex situations like answering direct questions.

So many cats, so few good recipes.
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16-06-2011, 05:18 PM (This post was last modified: 16-06-2011 10:31 PM by GirlyMan.)
RE: Thor got me in trouble
(16-06-2011 04:07 PM)Stark Raving Wrote:  
(09-06-2011 07:53 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  
(06-06-2011 10:45 AM)J-Hova Wrote:  She was all postpartumed up so I ended up apologizing to her, which kind of makes me mad too as I do not really think I did anything wrong.

Dude, this is frikking hilarious. No you didn't do anything wrong per se, but it's not gonna go on your list of the brightest things you ever did either. How long you been married? Cause just mumbling meaningless incantations and going along to get along is like Husband101. Big Grin

Amen brother! I can tell you took the course.

Next weeks lesson:

"No, you shouldn't have to put the seat down, but you damn well better anyways."

Failure to comply with the seat down instruction is quickly followed by "You know what? Fuck it. I tried. From now on you sit down to pee."

(16-06-2011 03:02 PM)J-Hova Wrote:  I did not look for a wife with the prerequisite that she did not believe in god, hell when we were married I was not an atheist.

When I married my Catholic wife 25 years ago I was already an atheist. In order to get married in a Catholic Church I had to promise the Priest that I would not interfere with the religious upbringing of our children (he did not even bother trying to proselytize to me, they know a lost cause when they see one). I kept my promise. They were all baptized shortly after birth into the Catholic Church. The ritual was a pleasant and entertaining experience for me. We have 4 beautiful children now aged 16-24. All fine young atheists. I'm proud of them. They all got here on their own. Wink

As it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.
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16-06-2011, 08:32 PM
RE: Thor got me in trouble
(16-06-2011 04:44 PM)Stark Raving Wrote:  
(16-06-2011 04:19 PM)BnW Wrote:  You need to re-check your syllabus. Next week's lesson is to learn how to answer the question "do these pants make me look fat?".

You must be thinking of the advanced course. 101 doesn't address complex situations like answering direct questions.

Poor poor men. Wink Do we need to have a class here? Big Grin

My reason for being is to serve as a cat cushion. That is good enough for me. Wink
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16-06-2011, 08:50 PM
RE: Thor got me in trouble
(16-06-2011 08:32 PM)trillium13 Wrote:  Poor poor men. Wink Do we need to have a class here? Big Grin

I'll sign up. ... I mean if my wife says it's okay and all.

As it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.
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16-06-2011, 09:59 PM
RE: Thor got me in trouble
(16-06-2011 08:50 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  
(16-06-2011 08:32 PM)trillium13 Wrote:  Poor poor men. Wink Do we need to have a class here? Big Grin

I'll sign up. ... I mean if my wife says it's okay and all.

Lol, we can let her help design the syllabus. Wink

My reason for being is to serve as a cat cushion. That is good enough for me. Wink
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