Thoughts of suicide
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11-08-2013, 03:13 AM
Thoughts of suicide
How do you begin to tell someone that you want to die?

Does anybody understand that? Do you understand what that means?

Outward I would seem pretty normal to you. College educated, working in my chosen profession.

But inside I'm miserable with my lot in life. I've been through a lot of shit and its reached a point that I can't see anything better for myself in the future.

I feel rejected by my peers, unwelcome when I attempt to socialize with the people I want to be with.

I'm now approaching middle age and beginning to see the full scope of my life and I just can't bear the thought of spending the next half of my life living in this shithole.

And lately, I feel like I've begun to 'de-couple' from the living.

In the past I've sought out counseling, medication, etc. to cope with my problems and feelings of depression. None of it worked. If I am depressed, it's the events of my life, not a biochemical imbalance, that's causing it.

I suspect I was one of those people who should have never been born. That I just don't have the capability to function and thrive in this world.

The irony is that I'm healthy and in good shape. I'm good looking or at least I think I am. I might seem like I have a lot of potential.

But it's a house of cards. I've seen the edge of my limits. I know there's not much left.

If a god does exist, I hate him. He made this mess and then has the tamarity to demand I love him and be grateful for it. If he existed as a man, I would kill him without hesitation and figure I was doing the world a great favor.

The only thing I wish I could do is convince my family that death this is the best thing. If I do take my life, it will hurt them terribly, and that is the last thing I want to do.

Has anybody gone through this?
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11-08-2013, 04:39 AM
RE: Thoughts of suicide

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11-08-2013, 05:17 AM
RE: Thoughts of suicide

These thoughts are common. Ordinary. Nothing to be ashamed of. I don't want to be an armchair psychologist, and a real psychologist sounds like they would be of some help here.

In my narrow experience expecting too much of myself was the cause of my depression. My solution was not to expect anything of myself. To let things fall through my fingers, and to forgive myself for missing them. Then, over time, start setting tiny achievable goals. Eventually move to a mode where I have a list of goals I can clearly characterise, but with a line drawn clearly through the list. Those above the line I care about achieving. Those below I forgive myself for not achieving. Failing doesn't hurt when I planned to fail at that thing. Success is sweeter when I don't have any unplanned failures marring my record.

Hold on to that knowledge that your death would hurt your family more than you can bear. Again I can speak from personal experience in saying that knowledge is a lifesaver, and things do get better. It is worth living on.


Give me your argument in the form of a published paper, and then we can start to talk.
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11-08-2013, 06:03 AM
RE: Thoughts of suicide
Yes I have been where you have been lumion on many occasions and sometimes when things are not going as well as I want in my life my thoughts do wander towards that way, so your not alone.

I too have been through a lot of shit in early life like you. I think for me personally these things can never leave you but that we get good at suppressing them to a point where these emotions start to slip out in other areas of our life, our past is after all what defines us a person today.

Suicide is a comfort. In a world of confusion and hurt it seems like the only thing that we have power over and it can become an obsession. However when it came to it I could not go through with it or attempted it halfheartedly. From my looking up of suicide I have discovered that almost everybody who attempts it but fails regrets that they ever attempted it and are glad that they failed.

You need support. Be it through friends, family, counseling or whatever.... try to reach out so somebody before you ever attempt anything. If your on any recreational drugs then stop, if your drinker of alcohol often then stop. These things do you no favors.

I feel so much, and yet I feel nothing.
I am a rock, I am the sky, the birds and the trees and everything beyond.
I am the wind, in the fields in which I roar. I am the water, in which I drown.
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11-08-2013, 07:52 AM
RE: Thoughts of suicide
Suicide has been a close friend of mine for decades.

Viewing life as a choice has been very liberating to me.

I will most likely end my own life at some point, at some point life will not be acceptable to me anymore, like a terminal disease would cause me to forego the suffering, disability to the point where I am dependent on others for basic things would also be such a situation.

Meanwhile, viewing life as a choice allows me to take risks and has me make sure I do something to spoil myself every day.

What is it that makes you want to stick around another day? Maybe you want to enjoy your favorite food, a drive through the country side, a visit with a friend, or whatever turns you on. Making sure that your loved ones will be as well taken care of as you can muster. Maybe you just want to throw the ball for your dog and while you do that, your outlook changes.

What makes you curious about the future? It can be as big as starting a new business or as small as wondering whether the climate will allow the figs to ripen this year. I always find myself wanting to know the outcome of one thing or another.

Suicide is the big taboo, most everyone's immediate reaction is to try to talk you out of it. Yet, keeping it around as my friend has allowed me to take risks (and reap rewards) I would not have taken otherwise. And it has caused me to fill my life with little pleasures. What is it that you want to do before you go? Drink the nice bottle of wine or beer you have in the fridge? Finally read that book you have been curious about? Just spend some time with a certain person or group or your dog or whatever?

There is always something you want to do first. If there isn't, you haven't thought it through and you would be acting purely on emotion. It's not good to act on these thoughts willy nilly, if you are serious you need a plan and a list of things to check off will undoubtedly pop up. Get busy checking them off, and you will feel better. You can deal with a lot of things you thought you couldn't when you view life as a choice.

Instead of thinking about why I would want to end it, I am thinking about why to continue, if just another day. The days add up - to decades for me.

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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11-08-2013, 07:53 AM
RE: Thoughts of suicide
Have been there also, more than once. Sometimes I wonder how I made it this far. Like you, I guess it's the thought of what it would do to family (my kids in particular) has stopped me.

It sounds like you are in the low part of a depression cycle, again. You have been there before and you know you can come back out of it. You mention that you are near middle age...that adds another dimension to it, at least it has for me.

See a doctor, find a counselor...there are people that can help. Talk to someone. Please.

See here they are, the bruises, some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. -JF
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11-08-2013, 08:07 AM
RE: Thoughts of suicide
don't misunderstand me now. this topic is too close to my heart so I can not participate in it
that could trigger me wanting to end life.

But let me come with a very friendly but important warning.
think this through very carefully it differ from country to country
so it depends on regional differences.

If some one hint that they maybe will do suicide then you can be locked up against your will
and you lose all freedom to communicate with friends to be on internet and to see TV as to your wishes.

Very drastic changes that can happen because you lose control over your life
the local laws takes over and those that interpret these laws are very biased
so you are in hands of very opininated do gooders so you lose all control over your life.

So try to find a solution that don't make the law take over your life. One word wrong
that someone can witness and they take you in. It is very dramatic trust me.
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11-08-2013, 09:57 AM
RE: Thoughts of suicide
I almost killed myself 8 years ago because I was going through a divorce and the guilt of disappointing my devout Christian family was overbearing. The first time I set up a noose in the basement using a dog leash and a step stool. It would have worked perfectly. I was seconds from doing it, and I chickened out. The second time was getting drunk, and doing the carbon monoxide poisoning in the car in a closed garage. That one would have worked if my ex-husband hadn't found me soon before I was going to pass out. I now shudder to think of how close I was. I understand the dark horrible place you're in. Like Dom mentioned, there's always something, no matter how stupid or trivial, that you probably want to check out. You seem to not want to hurt your family, and that's a good enough reason right there to stay alive. For me, I was only thinking of myself, not about how a suicide would hurt my family, much more than a divorce ever would. Unlike Dom, I don't keep suicide as an option anymore, but if it works for him, that's fine. In my opinion, if you can experience life and get even the most minimal satisfaction from it, it's better than death. I learned the hard way that my actions affect others. The last thing I want to do is negatively affect others' lives. That's not living the golden rule. Hang in there.
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11-08-2013, 05:15 PM
RE: Thoughts of suicide
Please seek professional help.
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11-08-2013, 05:29 PM
RE: Thoughts of suicide
Depression is a rational response to correctly identifying bad stuff in your environment. Your analysis is correct.

The tendency to conclude that self-harm is thus rational, is common, but incorrect. You can counteract bad stuff by being good to yourself and others. Don't fret about your self-harm thoughts, and also don't act on them. Just acknowledge them, and move on.

Harming yourself will do harm to others, too, and only spread negative influence in their lives. Would you have your neighbors kill themselves, after correctly identifying your death as a bad part of their environment?

Please don't hurt yourself. Instead, go to a good place for a while... a garden, an aquarium, your favorite park... and pay close attention to the things that make that place good.

Take care of yourself. Eat a healthy meal, take a thorough bath, get plenty of sleep, and talk to someone you've been meaning to contact for a while.
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