Tips on getting out of the closet

[Vosur]

I've decided that it's time to "come out of the closet" and tell my father about my non-belief. Before I do that, however, I want to get some tips from those of you who have made that step already.

How did you engage into the conversation? How did you start talking about the subject? How did you explain yourself in a way that a religious person can comprehend?

Perhaps a little bit of background knowledge is required so you know where I'm coming from. My father is a baptist preacher who is totally cool with the atheism of my brother and once said to me that he will respect the choices I will make in life.

Looking forward to your replies.

[morondog]

Your Dad sounds cool. Just say it. I waited a very long time before telling my parents, and while they don't understand they have at least accepted my decision. Don't waste too much time explaining exactly why - it's easy to get involved in an acrimonious argument which is the last thing you want with family. Just stand your ground, make it clear that you have thought long and hard about the decision and that it's not just some fad idea. Be straightforward - basically be yourself. Since your brother has already told your Dad it makes it easier for you. Ask him about how his experience was too - he'll have much more specific insights.

[Logica Humano]

If your father is prepared to continue to love and respect you, even after a decision that he may not like, there isn't much more you have to do or prepare for. Just tell him.

[DLJ]

I wish I could help but I never had a closet to escape from.

One thing I can suggest, as a management technique is Active Listening.

If the conversation is about your father's emotions, feeling and thoughts (about your brother's and your choice) it has the dual effect of:
a) deflecting ... so need to defend your position
b) caring ... about someone you love.

Good luck.

From the little I know about, I'm sure you will do fine.

[Erxomai]

(21-10-2012 06:47 AM)Vosur Wrote:  I've decided that it's time to "come out of the closet" and tell my father about my non-belief. Before I do that, however, I want to get some tips from those of you who have made that step already.

How did you engage into the conversation? How did you start talking about the subject? How did you explain yourself in a way that a religious person can comprehend?

Perhaps a little bit of background knowledge is required so you know where I'm coming from. My father is a baptist preacher who is totally cool with the atheism of my brother and once said to me that he will respect the choices I will make in life.

Looking forward to your replies.

Get him liquored up and when he passes out, bring in a hooker and take compromising photos of him. When he wakes up, tell him that after much careful thought, you are an atheist. Since he's already accepted your bro, he'll likely do the same with you.

The pictures of the hooker don't have anything to do with it. It's just something I wish I could have had the opportunity to do with my dad.

[Chas]

I don't see that you have any problem here.

[Erxomai]

Just a whimsical thought: could you have your brother join you when you tell your dad? Not to team up against your dad, but just be there to support you and make sure your dad is understanding you.

[morondog]

(21-10-2012 08:42 AM)Erxomai Wrote:  Just a whimsical thought: could you have your brother join you when you tell your dad? Not to team up against your dad, but just be there to support you and make sure your dad is understanding you.

Better to do it alone IMO. Gotta stand on own feet.

[Vosur]

(21-10-2012 08:42 AM)Erxomai Wrote:  Just a whimsical thought: could you have your brother join you when you tell your dad? Not to team up against your dad, but just be there to support you and make sure your dad is understanding you.

I'll be fine. My brother has never been a theist, he's like Chas (minus the lack of hair and wrinkly skin).

[Erxomai]

(21-10-2012 08:46 AM)morondog Wrote:  

(21-10-2012 08:42 AM)Erxomai Wrote:  Just a whimsical thought: could you have your brother join you when you tell your dad? Not to team up against your dad, but just be there to support you and make sure your dad is understanding you.

Better to do it alone IMO. Gotta stand on own feet.

Bollocks. Who says?

Besides you, that is.