To our intelligent designer: Suggestions
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17-04-2011, 07:26 AM (This post was last modified: 17-04-2011 11:53 PM by Observer.)
Smile To our intelligent designer: Suggestions
Sir/Miss

It's since 36 years now that I'm a happy user of your design and creation. There where some issues in the past with wife 1.0 but after an upgrade to wife 2.0 these melted like snow for the sun.

Recently we (wife 2.0 and me) got us one of these cute baby-units you kindly provide all over the world. We are very happy with our acquirement. The "cute" level ranges from enormous to epic, especially in "smile" mode.

However...
Working in engineering the last 10 years I see room for improvement. I know, intelligent as you no doubly are, you'll surely appreciate customer feedback.

1) Volume control.

Baby is fitted with a surefire alarm/prealarm in case of wetness, hungry, cramps or any other discomfort. However, after the error is received by the parents, there is no way to silence or mute the alarm until the correct conditions are again met. Baby goes in about 2 seconds from silence to unbelievably loud, no matter time of the day, position on the globe/community or size of the room. To be honest, this often spoils the epic cuteness so carefully provided by you. A volume control would be greatly appreciated.

2) Floppy head.

While feeding baby, it has come to my attention the the head is rather loosely fitted on the shoulders, I am pretty sure this problem will go away over time but for the moment it is sometimes really hard to get the bottle in the the feeding opening without spilling milk. It gets worse after the unit is halfway trough the milk and slowly enters the "relaxed to sleepy" mode. head flops from side to side. I need to take it firm while trying to support the superstructure of the body and in the meantime hold the bottle. My suggestion would be to have some sort of grip installed on the back of the head. (I tried the two on the side but that upset wife Turns out these serve another purpose. My bad.) An alternative would be suggestion 3.

3) Third arm
While trying to get things done, there is always something other that comes up. Changing diaper, wet towel falls. Putting in bed, arm slaps pacifier to the ground. Legs keep moving while tying to clean bottom. etc etc. I would love to have one arm more then the amount of babies I care for. Note: baby itself should not have these or there would be no advantage left.

4) Mouth on top of head

Due to the large amount of maintenance baby-units require, I don't have much time left to get myself a decent meal. I've been thinking how I could be more efficient in getting my daily nutrients. I found out the following. If my mouth would be on top of my head instead of in front, I could pour my food inside my hat, put the hat on and eat, hands free (horses do this all the time). When really hungry I could wear a top hat or so. Practical!

Anyway...
Thanks for your time, I hope you'll consider my suggestions in your future models.

Observer
A happy customer

PS: I love your banana and completely get it, but your -raw/poisonous, cooked/ main food source- potato still puzzles me. Can I download specs somewhere?

Observer

Agnostic atheist
Secular humanist
Emotional rationalist
Disclaimer: Don’t mix the personal opinion above with the absolute and objective truth. Remember to think for yourself. Thank you.
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17-04-2011, 07:52 AM
 
RE: To our intelligent designer: Suggestions
A volume control is a must.
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17-04-2011, 08:07 AM
RE: To our intelligent designer: Suggestions
I loved the questions Observer, though you should've suggested the baby be like minded and able to discuss, and converse with you from birth. That would seriously simplify things if you could rationalize with them. Thanks for a hilarious post.

Depends on which religion you're asking. Intelligent design generally points to Christians whose god is so incapable of editing its creations that it simply tries to slaughter them all. When they were discussing the punishments of the tree they should've taken a few books explaining how bad child rearing is after the birth. Generally children are only discussed as they reach maturity (nearing 13), so the parent is left with nearly 13 years of raising a child with no divine handbook.

As far as I see intelligent design though I always wonder what need everything has to be so complex. If I'm formed from dirt what reason would I need internal organs? I can just be formed, and the lack of them would greatly benefit my life. I fasted for 10 days (drank a lot of water and that was it), and it felt great after day 3 when my stomach stopped working, and I didn't sweat, didn't have gas, only occasionally peed a small amount, didn't have to deal with the immense amounts of nausea normally presented to women. All this was fixed just by not using a stomach, so why make one? It would be much more perfect if my body didn't have so many needs so that I could truly devote it to important things like understanding.

I'm not a non believer, I believe in the possibility of anything. I just don't let the actuality of something be determined by a 3rd party.
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17-04-2011, 11:39 AM
RE: To our intelligent designer: Suggestions
LOL! Big Grin

I want to rip off your superstitions and make passionate sense to you
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17-04-2011, 01:30 PM
 
RE: To our intelligent designer: Suggestions
Oh this is brilliant. Big Grin
I'd suggest a "pause" feature, as that combined with a volume feature for cranky times, allows one to have a snuggle bug remain an newborn size for as long as they care to. And then, once Pause is disengaged, the infant unit can mature right along until a new pause and enjoy the moment awhile as it lasts, is available.
Thus doing away with the old complaint; they grow up soooo fast!
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17-04-2011, 04:25 PM
RE: To our intelligent designer: Suggestions
The joy of being a parent I take it ? LOL

Atheism is a religion like OFF is a TV channel !!!

Proud of my genetic relatives Big Grin
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18-04-2011, 05:19 AM
RE: To our intelligent designer: Suggestions
Post this to a Christian forum. Big Grin It's easier to get your feedback to the designer through theists.

Correct me when I'm wrong.
Accept me or go to hell.
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18-04-2011, 10:37 AM
RE: To our intelligent designer: Suggestions
@kikko
Actually I expect them to accuse us of being ungrateful of all the great gifts god gave us and how perfect we are.
I think I'd be funnier to go to a church and ask a priest how you can file a complaint against god - the epic face would be a new meme.

Atheism is a religion like OFF is a TV channel !!!

Proud of my genetic relatives Big Grin
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18-04-2011, 11:37 AM
RE: To our intelligent designer: Suggestions
(18-04-2011 10:37 AM)gaglamesh731 Wrote:  I think I'd be funnier to go to a church and ask a priest how you can file a complaint against god - the epic face would be a new meme.

Depending on how the priests day is going I think you will get anything from a "y u no"-face to a "ffffffuuuuuuu!!!"-face. Tongue

I want to rip off your superstitions and make passionate sense to you
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