To train up a child
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23-11-2013, 06:17 AM (This post was last modified: 23-11-2013 06:46 AM by Cathym112.)
RE: To train up a child
(22-11-2013 09:24 PM)Lightvader Wrote:  Cathym,how were you raised? What are the thoughts about your upbringing? If you did write it already,i missed it

You didn't miss anything. I never said.

I was raised the youngest of 4. I was an extremely headstrong, and willful child. Still am, but in a much more measured sense.

Parents were catholic. Dad was really devout. My parents believed in spanking, although my mother not so much. My dad was always quick to lose his temper. I can tell you that being spanked beyond a certain age did have an effect on me.

These memories - the ones of me getting spanked - are the ones that stick out in my memory above those happy memories.

Let me say that again for PJ, These memories - the ones of me getting spanked - are the ones that stick out in my memory above those happy memories. He never knew this because I was too afraid to tell him! I suspect PJ's kids are too afraid to tell him, so they tell him what they think he wants to hear. What child says, when asked how they know mom and dad love them, "it's because you disclipline us when we are bad." ** paraphrased from one of PJ's quotes.

Oh sure. We did father daugher things like getting the Christmas tree. Or he would make me silly shaped pancakes. Or we would do "science" experiments because I loved medicine....but these memories are always SECONDARY to those of getting spanked. Like when he spanked me because of what my brother did. (Something got broken and he didn't believe that it wasn't me)

That being said I turned out ok. but growing up I was TERRIFIED of my dad. I remember once when I was around 10. It was during the summer. My dad told me to mow the lawn. We had a very steep hill in our front yard. Long story short, I couldn't push the mower up the hill. The mower was too heavy, and I was too little and afraid it was gonna fall back on me and chop my foot off. I mowed everywhere but the front of the house where the hill was. I ended up living the entire day in terror that I was gonna "get it" when I got home because I didn't do what he told me. How sad that cactus shaped pancakes aren't remembered first.

I had no real relationship with my dad until adulthood where I could recognize that he was an imperfect person and a product of his own abusive childhood.

I remember once, I lied about where I was so I could go to a party. He found out. He whipped me with a belt that night. Didn bruise or leave any marks but my view of him would forever change. It took me a long time to forgive him. Years. And you know what? We spent a weekend together for a cousin's wedding. We went hiking together and it was the first time we connected in more than 5 years. He died the following weekend. Tears sprung to my eyes just to type that. I was 20.

That sad story aside - I am not necessarily against spanking children ages 2-4 with the caveat of never beyond. Is it worth having
THAT be what the child remembers all because of a stupid VCR?

So I think spanking should really be used as a complete last resort. For kings chosen, I'm sure that was his last resort. Everything else was tried and failed. But Pj used it at 11 months. Over a friggin VCR.


I will also note that my very first real boyfriend was emotionally and eventually physically abusive towards me. I could never bring myself to stand up to him because I always felt that I somehow deserved it.

A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day - Bill Watterson
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23-11-2013, 06:32 AM
RE: To train up a child
Even-

Didn't you see my spanking video? I thought you were gonna be all over that!!

A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day - Bill Watterson
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23-11-2013, 07:58 AM
RE: To train up a child
(23-11-2013 06:17 AM)Cathym112 Wrote:  
(22-11-2013 09:24 PM)Lightvader Wrote:  Cathym,how were you raised? What are the thoughts about your upbringing? If you did write it already,i missed it

You didn't miss anything. I never said.

I was raised the youngest of 4. I was an extremely headstrong, and willful child. Still am, but in a much more measured sense.

Parents were catholic. Dad was really devout. My parents believed in spanking, although my mother not so much. My dad was always quick to lose his temper. I can tell you that being spanked beyond a certain age did have an effect on me.

These memories - the ones of me getting spanked - are the ones that stick out in my memory above those happy memories.

Let me say that again for PJ, These memories - the ones of me getting spanked - are the ones that stick out in my memory above those happy memories. He never knew this because I was too afraid to tell him! I suspect PJ's kids are too afraid to tell him, so they tell him what they think he wants to hear. What child says, when asked how they know mom and dad love them, "it's because you disclipline us when we are bad." ** paraphrased from one of PJ's quotes.

Oh sure. We did father daugher things like getting the Christmas tree. Or he would make me silly shaped pancakes. Or we would do "science" experiments because I loved medicine....but these memories are always SECONDARY to those of getting spanked. Like when he spanked me because of what my brother did. (Something got broken and he didn't believe that it wasn't me)

That being said I turned out ok. but growing up I was TERRIFIED of my dad. I remember once when I was around 10. It was during the summer. My dad told me to mow the lawn. We had a very steep hill in our front yard. Long story short, I couldn't push the mower up the hill. The mower was too heavy, and I was too little and afraid it was gonna fall back on me and chop my foot off. I mowed everywhere but the front of the house where the hill was. I ended up living the entire day in terror that I was gonna "get it" when I got home because I didn't do what he told me. How sad that cactus shaped pancakes aren't remembered first.

I had no real relationship with my dad until adulthood where I could recognize that he was an imperfect person and a product of his own abusive childhood.

I remember once, I lied about where I was so I could go to a party. He found out. He whipped me with a belt that night. Didn bruise or leave any marks but my view of him would forever change. It took me a long time to forgive him. Years. And you know what? We spent a weekend together for a cousin's wedding. We went hiking together and it was the first time we connected in more than 5 years. He died the following weekend. Tears sprung to my eyes just to type that. I was 20.

That sad story aside - I am not necessarily against spanking children ages 2-4 with the caveat of never beyond. Is it worth having
THAT be what the child remembers all because of a stupid VCR?

So I think spanking should really be used as a complete last resort. For kings chosen, I'm sure that was his last resort. Everything else was tried and failed. But Pj used it at 11 months. Over a friggin VCR.


I will also note that my very first real boyfriend was emotionally and eventually physically abusive towards me. I could never bring myself to stand up to him because I always felt that I somehow deserved it.

i'm sorry to hear that.
How are things going now?

I don't really like going outside.
It's too damn "peopley" out there....
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23-11-2013, 08:07 AM
RE: To train up a child
Is it true that parents who were abused as a child have a higher chance of being abusive? Why?
I know how i was raised and i know what flaws my upbringing has,and that is why i never will raise my child that way.

I don't really like going outside.
It's too damn "peopley" out there....
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23-11-2013, 08:13 AM
RE: To train up a child
Also interesting(and fucked up) is that a few months ago,a popular site had a poll. The statement was "you're a bad parent if you don't hit your child" or someething similar.
above 90% voted yes

I don't really like going outside.
It's too damn "peopley" out there....
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23-11-2013, 08:24 AM
RE: To train up a child
My upbringing was very similar to cathym's exept that my dad prefered the belt over his hand. When i was around the age of 12,my parents stopped beating me as punishment,but instead took my phone. This was by far the most effective method in some time. Nowadays,i don't het a beating and they don't take my phone,but i still fear my dad.
I remember the times i wished he was dead,but i cant remember the beatings on its own .

I don't really like going outside.
It's too damn "peopley" out there....
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23-11-2013, 08:34 AM
RE: To train up a child
(23-11-2013 08:07 AM)Lightvader Wrote:  Is it true that parents who were abused as a child have a higher chance of being abusive? Why?
I know how i was raised and i know what flaws my upbringing has,and that is why i never will raise my child that way.

I think its respect: If you completely lose it for your abuser then you don't inherit that behaviour. At least that's what ive noticed first hand.

Theism is to believe what other people claim, Atheism is to ask "why should I".
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23-11-2013, 08:51 AM
RE: To train up a child
(23-11-2013 06:32 AM)Cathym112 Wrote:  Even-

Didn't you see my spanking video? I thought you were gonna be all over that!!

Ah. Sorry. Considering the thread and all I guess I didn't feel it was appropriate. I do have a little tact from time to time.

My apologies, I suppose a spanking is in order? [Image: cheeky-smile-smiley-emoticon.gif]

But now I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

~ Umberto Eco
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23-11-2013, 08:59 AM
RE: To train up a child
(23-11-2013 08:34 AM)sporehux Wrote:  
(23-11-2013 08:07 AM)Lightvader Wrote:  Is it true that parents who were abused as a child have a higher chance of being abusive? Why?
I know how i was raised and i know what flaws my upbringing has,and that is why i never will raise my child that way.

I think its respect: If you completely lose it for your abuser then you don't inherit that behaviour. At least that's what ive noticed first hand.

It could have easily gone the other way for me. I have control of my temper. I exercise a lot. I joined a boxing club in college during the off season from crew.

I was angry when I was a teenager. It took me a long time and a lot of relationships to see what love really was (love is not about knock down drag out fights or hitting). I learned how to talk about difficult issues without getting mad. I learned how to walk away. But it would have been much easier for me if I learned conflict resolution when I was a kid. When you spank, you do rob them of that important skill set.


My grandfather was a belligerent drunk. He beat my grandmother and my dad and his sister.

What PJ doesn't necessarily realize is that children do take to heart "you hit me because you love me and wants what's best for me"

How is this teaching respect? Or love? It's not.


I never spoke disrespectfully to my parents. My mother out of genuine respect...my dad out of fear.

A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day - Bill Watterson
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23-11-2013, 09:04 AM
RE: To train up a child
So what now? Should we start licensing people to become parents like we do before we drive a car or buy a gun?

Oh wait...

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With the uncanny ability to see all sides in every argument.
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