Today has been horrid
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25-02-2014, 08:57 AM
RE: Today has been horrid
Checking back - and hoping you're doing better today!

When I want your opinion I'll read your entrails.
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25-02-2014, 10:09 AM
RE: Today has been horrid
Thank you all sooo soooo very much for all the kind words, encouragement and cyber hugs! Yall are awesome. :-)

http://iamtheclosetatheist.blogspot.com/
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25-02-2014, 10:26 AM
RE: Today has been horrid
Ok so I wasn't going to say what exactly was going on but I think I just need to share ya know.

So there is this person that is coming back into my life that I do not want in my life. This person will be living in my home for who knows how long and there is nothing I can do about it. This person hates me and doesn't hide this fact. This person lacks empathy for others, is severely criminally minded and is very sadistic. This person terrifies me in a way that I have never known. Sadcryface2SadcryfaceNo

Just being around this person makes most people feel uneasy, this person makes the air in the room hard to breathe. This person threatens and scares me for the sole purpose of controlling me and for their own personal pleasure. When this person is my home, I feel like I am living in a prison and now this person is living with me again.

Hours before this person arrived yesterday I started having what I suppose were something like anxiety attacks. My body was shaking, it was hard to breathe and the feeling of impending doom was so great I could barely function in my daily activities. When this person finally arrived and I had to welcome them into my home again, it all started over again. I put on my happy face and tried to appear calm and powerful so this person might think they can't treat me the same way they usually do, but they saw through it and the games began. I was not able to sleep last night, I just lay there looking up at the ceiling, jumping at every sound made in the darkness. All I could think about was what was this person doing right now or worse yet what were they planning.

This morning I am a wreck. Having very little sleep and this person in my home again has my nerves completely shot. This person is gone for the day but they will be back later this afternoon or evening. I wish I could just relax but with this person you don't ever get to relax. Just when you thought they were busy for the day and you would some peace to yourself for a bit, they show up behind you from out of nowhere or leaving you hints on your car, on the door, anywhere, letting you know they were there.

I just feel like the situation is hopeless, I want to be free from this person but I have no choice in the matter really.

Anyway, just wanted to get that off my chest....and thank you all again for the kind words and encouragement.

http://iamtheclosetatheist.blogspot.com/
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25-02-2014, 10:28 AM
RE: Today has been horrid
(25-02-2014 10:26 AM)Pearl Wrote:  Ok so I wasn't going to say what exactly was going on but I think I just need to share ya know.

So there is this person that is coming back into my life that I do not want in my life. This person will be living in my home for who knows how long and there is nothing I can do about it. This person hates me and doesn't hide this fact. This person lacks empathy for others, is severely criminally minded and is very sadistic. This person terrifies me in a way that I have never known. Sadcryface2SadcryfaceNo

Just being around this person makes most people feel uneasy, this person makes the air in the room hard to breathe. This person threatens and scares me for the sole purpose of controlling me and for their own personal pleasure. When this person is my home, I feel like I am living in a prison and now this person is living with me again.

Hours before this person arrived yesterday I started having what I suppose were something like anxiety attacks. My body was shaking, it was hard to breathe and the feeling of impending doom was so great I could barely function in my daily activities. When this person finally arrived and I had to welcome them into my home again, it all started over again. I put on my happy face and tried to appear calm and powerful so this person might think they can't treat me the same way they usually do, but they saw through it and the games began. I was not able to sleep last night, I just lay there looking up at the ceiling, jumping at every sound made in the darkness. All I could think about was what was this person doing right now or worse yet what were they planning.

This morning I am a wreck. Having very little sleep and this person in my home again has my nerves completely shot. This person is gone for the day but they will be back later this afternoon or evening. I wish I could just relax but with this person you don't ever get to relax. Just when you thought they were busy for the day and you would some peace to yourself for a bit, they show up behind you from out of nowhere or leaving you hints on your car, on the door, anywhere, letting you know they were there.

I just feel like the situation is hopeless, I want to be free from this person but I have no choice in the matter really.

Anyway, just wanted to get that off my chest....and thank you all again for the kind words and encouragement.



more (((hugs))) and hang in there.
Heart

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25-02-2014, 10:33 AM
RE: Today has been horrid
you sound trapped, and you don't get a vote in your own home. You have some choices to make about your future.

Do you want to continue this way or not? You only have a limited amount of choices.
-this person leaves
-you leave
-you do nothing
-or you work out an agreement that you both can live with.

don't spend your day worrying….spend it planning and executing your solution.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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25-02-2014, 10:46 AM
RE: Today has been horrid
Bs&As is entirely correct.

Sorry for being practical rather than empathetic but could you check into a hotel for a while?

Not easy if it's a close relative but if it's for example, your partner's friend you would be making a very strong point.

As an aside, my ex used to have similar anxiety attacks when her mother came to stay (and my ex made me feel, as you beautiful put it, like the the air in the room hard to breathe) and of course, she couldn't go to a hotel.

Are you alone with this person?

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25-02-2014, 11:07 AM
RE: Today has been horrid
The situation sounds intolerable and you should not have to put up with it. The problem is not just this person but the fact that you are either not valued as a person or there is a lack of communication in your relationships.

You need to have the ability to leave at a moment's notice. I don't know who has invited this person into your home but if it is your husband or someone else who owns the house who has done so, you need to find out whether they value this other person more than you.

But first you need to get your arrangements in place and get everything you care about and need stored safely elsewhere. Only then when you are at the point where you can just as easily walk out, tell whoever is responsible for inviting this person in how you feel and that you want this person gone and give a short deadline. Do not immediately tell them that you have arrangements in place. You always need to play with a full hand and have some contingency otherwise you are at the mercy of other people's whims. If they do not agree then tell them that you will walk out otherwise. If they still refuse then call their bluff. Never threaten something without the means to back it up and the conviction to see it through.

If they don't want you back then you are better off out of there.

If you do not have the financial means to leave by yourself (taking children with you if you have any) then you need to figure out how to obtain this financial freedom.

Be mindful of the fact that this is a scary thing to do and you will be wanting to find reasons why you don't have any options in order to keep the status quo. You have to be honest with yourself.

And also expect promises that the person will be gone by a certain time not to be met. You need to be firm.
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25-02-2014, 11:44 AM
RE: Today has been horrid
The problem is this person is a minor....an older teenager....and my husband and I are his legal guardians....he just got out of lock up.....nobody else in his family will take him and as his legal guardians we are responsible for him whenever he is not incarcerated. We really were not aware of what we got ourselves into when we agreed to this arrangement, we thought we could help him. Turns out even the doctors say there is very little anyone can do for a person like this. Yes he is a minor and that makes me feel bad for him but when a person tortures animals and people for shits and giggles, I just can't wrap my head around it or accept it no matter what the age.

I have never been more afraid of anyone in my life, and technically he is just a kid. The things he does are.....well there are no words.NoSadcryfaceSadcryface2

We were told last week that if failed to show up and pick him up when he got out that we would be charged with abandonment...so yeah I really don't have a choice.

And for all of those of you that want to judge me for not wanting this "child" in my life anymore......well....I am sure after spending 24 hours in my shoes would change your mind. Thing is you just don't know till you have been there it seems. Undecided
Thing is I am a good person in my opinion, I have tried and tried till I was blue in the face, at what point do I have rights to say "Hey I can't do this anymore, I am falling apart!" Sadcryface

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25-02-2014, 11:58 AM
RE: Today has been horrid
Any possibility you can have him emancipated and let him go on his way? Maybe in patient psy care? It sounds like he needs it. If you think he is a threat to himself or others you can get him in short term in patient treatment quickly.

Good luck.
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25-02-2014, 12:29 PM
RE: Today has been horrid
(25-02-2014 11:44 AM)Pearl Wrote:  The problem is this person is a minor....an older teenager....and my husband and I are his legal guardians....he just got out of lock up.....nobody else in his family will take him and as his legal guardians we are responsible for him whenever he is not incarcerated. We really were not aware of what we got ourselves into when we agreed to this arrangement, we thought we could help him. Turns out even the doctors say there is very little anyone can do for a person like this. Yes he is a minor and that makes me feel bad for him but when a person tortures animals and people for shits and giggles, I just can't wrap my head around it or accept it no matter what the age.

I have never been more afraid of anyone in my life, and technically he is just a kid. The things he does are.....well there are no words.NoSadcryfaceSadcryface2

We were told last week that if failed to show up and pick him up when he got out that we would be charged with abandonment...so yeah I really don't have a choice.

And for all of those of you that want to judge me for not wanting this "child" in my life anymore......well....I am sure after spending 24 hours in my shoes would change your mind. Thing is you just don't know till you have been there it seems. Undecided
Thing is I am a good person in my opinion, I have tried and tried till I was blue in the face, at what point do I have rights to say "Hey I can't do this anymore, I am falling apart!" Sadcryface
that is truly a very difficult situation and I feel really bad that you are being stuck in this way. Hug

Can social services give you some advice on how to handle? Put you in contact with some services -therapy? meds? etc

From what you described-the kid has issues that probably border on a psychiatric problem- has he/she been evaluated? Maybe you can get him into a treatment facility?

just trying to throw some ideas out and hoping there is a solution in there somewhere.

keep up posted. secure your things. tell a trusted friend about your worries and to check on you a few times a day.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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