Transgender questions. I promise I won't be rude. Just curious to know
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24-03-2017, 08:35 AM
RE: Transgender questions. I promise I won't be rude. Just curious to know
(24-03-2017 05:16 AM)LadyDay Wrote:  I have a related curious question I would like to ask Emma Smile Please, don't answer if you don't want to, it's a bit intimate!
Assuming that you weren't in a monogamous relationship and aren't lesbian and haven't had corrective surgery. Lots of hypotheticals here, but I've never had the chance to ask a transgender woman about this thing and I can't help wondering.
If you found yourself attracted to a cis guy and wanted to get intimate with him, how would you approach him? Nobody wants to introduce themselves with "Hello, I'm Emma and I have a penis." On the other hand, for a trans woman, not having a talk about what sort of genitals one has, before the "normal" time when the underwear comes off, can be dangerous! Trans women unfortunately often get beat up over that.
Do you think it's best if trans women just avoid having sex with cis men before getting to know them well enough to sit down with them and have such an intimate chat?
That'd seem a shame. Casual sex is good fun! Big Grin

Anyway. Personally it doesn't make a difference to me whether a persons sex match their gender or not.
I don't know if it makes a difference that I'm bisexual. I don't prefer one type of genitals over another or one gender over another, so shuffling them around doesn't make a difference. On the contrary I find it attractive when someone has the kind of courage it takes to do something as life altering as coming out trans to the world!

Anyway. Thanks for being so open about yourself and letting people ask questions. It's important that being transgender gets "normalized" in the eyes of people, not something considered abnormal or negative. Being brave enough to let the world know is the way to achieve that.

Rather than say how I would approach that, because I honestly don't know as I've never been in the situation, I'll relay some of what I've read from others' experiences.

But first, if you haven't already- this short series about a couple of trans women and their love lives will probably both melt your heart and answer some questions:
Her Story

I've linked to that show before, because I love it and it makes me cry lol.

Anyway- some trans women talk about getting to know someone first being probably the safest. I imagine that I wouldn't want to be in a sexual situation with someone I didn't already know and trust. As you can imagine, that can be difficult to attain.

Additionally, trans people want to live with differing levels of "stealth" as a trans person. Some are out and proud, others don't want anyone to know except their closest and most trusted friends/family members. I fall somewhere in between that, I suppose. Though, in public where all the unknowns are, I'm completely stealth around strangers. I never know how someone will react to finding that news out.

So some trans folks will only tell a potential partner just before intimacy, some after the first few dates, some on the first date, etc. There are lots of discussions about what's best. I imagine, that like many things, you take it on a case-by-case basis. You get a feel for a person before you let them in.

I can't imagine being in a situation where I'd want to any contact with someone outside of full consent from a person. That is, I wouldn't want to even have a kiss without them knowing. I think I'd be terrified of a bad reaction when I do tell them or if they found out some other way.

Interestingly, I just read this blog post last night which kind of touches on a lot of the subjects being discussed in this thread (not so much the specific question I'm replying to, but it's still relevant and interesting):
http://genderanalysis.net/2017/03/why-so...is-people/

It's a flip-side look at a lot of vlogs people make talking about how they'd never date a trans person.
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24-03-2017, 08:49 AM
RE: Transgender questions. I promise I won't be rude. Just curious to know
There have been cases in which a man is in a relationship with a transgender women and has no idea. Not to get into too much detail, but the operations performed by skilled surgeons are so well done these days that gynecologists can been fooled..... until they start feeling around for ovaries and a uterus, then they know. But apparently guys can't tell during sex, that's what I've read anyway. But I think it would destroy a relationship if a trans woman, post-operation, didn't tell the guy up front.

Shakespeare's Comedy of Errors.... on Donald J. Trump:

He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere,
Ill-fac’d, worse bodied, shapeless every where;
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind,
Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
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24-03-2017, 08:52 AM
RE: Transgender questions. I promise I won't be rude. Just curious to know
I dated and lived with a transsexual woman for just under a year during the late 1980's. I met her through a Lonely Atheists ad which ran in the American Atheists' Insider's Newsletter, a publication which was discontinued during the mid-1990's. She didn't tell me about her gender change until we had corresponded and dated for about a month. This didn't bother me, since I am of a liberal persuasion. As far as I was concerned, she was a woman. We had many things in common and our relationship was, for the most part, satisfying for both of us. We eventually had to part ways because she was bi-polar and was occasionally subject to extreme mood swings which I couldn't deal with.
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24-03-2017, 08:54 AM
RE: Transgender questions. I promise I won't be rude. Just curious to know
I'll say one thing - I never realized just how much hormone therapy can affect a person's emotional state until many years after this experience, when I went through menopause and talked with other menopausal women. Some sail right through it, while others get very emotional with unfounded outbursts of tears and depression and such.

My friend had a lot of emotional ups and downs with the hormone therapy, and now I understand just how it feels. The lack of control can be very upsetting all by itself.

It's nice to come out on the other end, though. Smile

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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24-03-2017, 08:55 AM
RE: Transgender questions. I promise I won't be rude. Just curious to know
I've been waiting for your most appropriate contribution to this thread, Gwaithmir Smile
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24-03-2017, 08:56 AM
RE: Transgender questions. I promise I won't be rude. Just curious to know
(24-03-2017 08:52 AM)Gwaithmir Wrote:  I dated and lived with a transsexual woman for just under a year during the late 1980's. I met her through a Lonely Atheists ad which ran in the American Atheists' Insider's Newsletter, a publication which was discontinued during the mid-1990's. She didn't tell me about her gender change until we had corresponded and dated for about a month. This didn't bother me, since I am of a liberal persuasion. As far as I was concerned, she was a woman. We had many things in common and our relationship was, for the most part, satisfying for both of us. We eventually had to part ways because she was bi-polar and was occasionally subject to extreme mood swings which I couldn't deal with.

You posted while I was writing my post - perhaps a partial explanation about the mood swings in there, too?

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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24-03-2017, 09:07 AM
RE: Transgender questions. I promise I won't be rude. Just curious to know
(24-03-2017 08:56 AM)Dom Wrote:  
(24-03-2017 08:52 AM)Gwaithmir Wrote:  I dated and lived with a transsexual woman for just under a year during the late 1980's. I met her through a Lonely Atheists ad which ran in the American Atheists' Insider's Newsletter, a publication which was discontinued during the mid-1990's. She didn't tell me about her gender change until we had corresponded and dated for about a month. This didn't bother me, since I am of a liberal persuasion. As far as I was concerned, she was a woman. We had many things in common and our relationship was, for the most part, satisfying for both of us. We eventually had to part ways because she was bi-polar and was occasionally subject to extreme mood swings which I couldn't deal with.

You posted while I was writing my post - perhaps a partial explanation about the mood swings in there, too?

> I'm afraid I cannot comment on the nature of her bi-polar disorder as I have no qualifications in psychology. She was taking medications for this condition, but she was a heavy smoker and drank up to 24 cups of coffee daily. A friend of mine, who took medications for depression most of his life, told me that the coffee and cigarettes negated the effects of the meds she was taking, thus exacerbating her condition. Her emotional outbreaks would sometimes last for hours, something I just couldn't deal with or live with.
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24-03-2017, 09:31 AM
RE: Transgender questions. I promise I won't be rude. Just curious to know
(24-03-2017 09:07 AM)Gwaithmir Wrote:  
(24-03-2017 08:56 AM)Dom Wrote:  You posted while I was writing my post - perhaps a partial explanation about the mood swings in there, too?

> I'm afraid I cannot comment on the nature of her bi-polar disorder as I have no qualifications in psychology. She was taking medications for this condition, but she was a heavy smoker and drank up to 24 cups of coffee daily. A friend of mine, who took medications for depression most of his life, told me that the coffee and cigarettes negated the effects of the meds she was taking, thus exacerbating her condition. Her emotional outbreaks would sometimes last for hours, something I just couldn't deal with or live with.

Good god, 24 cups of coffee a day?! Blink

Wow...

But yes, hormones are a crazy roller-coaster ride sometimes. But they are most emotionally wracking when the hormone levels are fluctuating. Once things level out, it's much better.

When you first start hormones, your body starts down the path of a second puberty. And we all know how much fun the first puberty was... The second one isn't all that much easier.
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24-03-2017, 09:35 AM
RE: Transgender questions. I promise I won't be rude. Just curious to know
(24-03-2017 09:31 AM)Emma Wrote:  
(24-03-2017 09:07 AM)Gwaithmir Wrote:  > I'm afraid I cannot comment on the nature of her bi-polar disorder as I have no qualifications in psychology. She was taking medications for this condition, but she was a heavy smoker and drank up to 24 cups of coffee daily. A friend of mine, who took medications for depression most of his life, told me that the coffee and cigarettes negated the effects of the meds she was taking, thus exacerbating her condition. Her emotional outbreaks would sometimes last for hours, something I just couldn't deal with or live with.

Good god, 24 cups of coffee a day?! Blink

Wow...

But yes, hormones are a crazy roller-coaster ride sometimes. But they are most emotionally wracking when the hormone levels are fluctuating. Once things level out, it's much better.

When you first start hormones, your body starts down the path of a second puberty. And we all know how much fun the first puberty was... The second one isn't all that much easier.

> Emma, please don't take this the wrong way, but I find you very attractive. Shy
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24-03-2017, 09:42 AM
RE: Transgender questions. I promise I won't be rude. Just curious to know
(24-03-2017 09:31 AM)Emma Wrote:  
(24-03-2017 09:07 AM)Gwaithmir Wrote:  > I'm afraid I cannot comment on the nature of her bi-polar disorder as I have no qualifications in psychology. She was taking medications for this condition, but she was a heavy smoker and drank up to 24 cups of coffee daily. A friend of mine, who took medications for depression most of his life, told me that the coffee and cigarettes negated the effects of the meds she was taking, thus exacerbating her condition. Her emotional outbreaks would sometimes last for hours, something I just couldn't deal with or live with.

Good god, 24 cups of coffee a day?! Blink

Wow...

But yes, hormones are a crazy roller-coaster ride sometimes. But they are most emotionally wracking when the hormone levels are fluctuating. Once things level out, it's much better.

When you first start hormones, your body starts down the path of a second puberty. And we all know how much fun the first puberty was... The second one isn't all that much easier.

Oh yes, I remember when my daughter started her hormones. We'd all gone through her puberty 6 or 7 years before and then she went through a second puberty when she transitioned. It was hard on her but it wasn't exactly a walk in the park for me either. Tongue

Shakespeare's Comedy of Errors.... on Donald J. Trump:

He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere,
Ill-fac’d, worse bodied, shapeless every where;
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind,
Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
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