Trouble in Paradise
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16-01-2018, 12:16 PM
RE: Trouble in Paradise
LadyWallFlower - do you mind if I send you a PM? I want to make a suggestion you might not want bandied about in public.
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16-01-2018, 01:12 PM
RE: Trouble in Paradise
(16-01-2018 12:16 PM)Mr. Boston Wrote:  LadyWallFlower - do you mind if I send you a PM? I want to make a suggestion you might not want bandied about in public.

I don’t mind. I’ll listen to every suggestion!

"Most people are other people.
Their thoughts are someone else's opinions,
their lives a mimicry,
their passions a quotation."
-Oscar Wilde
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16-01-2018, 01:23 PM
RE: Trouble in Paradise
(16-01-2018 12:04 PM)julep Wrote:  I second the recommendations for couples counseling.

It sounds a little bit like your husband's dangling the prospect of his leaving to keep you off balance and keep the power balance on his side. That's a dick move, and I hope counseling would help him see that and change his behavior.

Have you ever tried calling his bluff? What does he do if you say, fine, I don't want you to be unhappy, so let's call a divorce lawyer and talk about our options.

If you always feel you're standing on shaky ground, that's a reason to think hard about whether you want to stay. I hope you develop a relationship where you feel valued and secure, either with your current husband or with someone new.

That’s not totally off. I’ve called him out for thinking he’s better than me. He’s admitted he’s thought that before, but he’s worked on that.

"Most people are other people.
Their thoughts are someone else's opinions,
their lives a mimicry,
their passions a quotation."
-Oscar Wilde
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16-01-2018, 01:56 PM
RE: Trouble in Paradise
I, too, would highly recommend marital counseling. Not necessarily to save your marriage, but to help each of you sort out your feelings and priorities.

Though there are, of course, commonalities, we are all somewhat different and what works for one may or may not work for another.

I'm an atheist married to a Christian. So I know that, from a certain POV, I always come second. God/Jesus are my wife's first loves and probably always will be. Been married for almost 30 years. Marriage is hard work, different belief systems or same belief systems. So my 2 cents is that 1) if you are unsure about the relationship in the good times, it will probably break apart during the rough times. And 2) life is way too short to spend it with someone who doesn't love you or who doesn't know how they feel about you. So it is imperative, IMO, that those feelings be sorted out so that decisions can be made that will make you BOTH happy.
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16-01-2018, 06:35 PM
RE: Trouble in Paradise
We decided to spend a week apart to clear our heads and come back and talk. Thanks for all your advice! I really appreciate it!

"Most people are other people.
Their thoughts are someone else's opinions,
their lives a mimicry,
their passions a quotation."
-Oscar Wilde
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17-01-2018, 03:55 AM
RE: Trouble in Paradise
People underestimate how painful separation can be. I was reluctant to do couples therapy before because I felt like my marriage was already over, but after my first night away from home and away from my husband, I’m realizing that it’s worth a shot if my husband is willing.

"Most people are other people.
Their thoughts are someone else's opinions,
their lives a mimicry,
their passions a quotation."
-Oscar Wilde
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17-01-2018, 03:59 AM
RE: Trouble in Paradise
I agree, its worth a shot. If it doesn't help, at least you won't be left with any doubts in the future about what could have been.

You're brave to confront this head on Smile I hope you find happiness, whatever happens.

I have a website here which discusses the issues and terminology surrounding religion and atheism. It's hopefully user friendly to all.
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24-05-2018, 04:58 PM
RE: Trouble in Paradise
In case anyone is curious, I’m getting divorced on Wednesday. We’ve been separated for a while and I’m doing great! I got over it really quickly after we separated because I’ve been emotionally separating for a couple years now. Thanks for all your support.

"Most people are other people.
Their thoughts are someone else's opinions,
their lives a mimicry,
their passions a quotation."
-Oscar Wilde
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24-05-2018, 05:01 PM
RE: Trouble in Paradise
(24-05-2018 04:58 PM)LadyWallFlower Wrote:  In case anyone is curious, I’m getting divorced on Wednesday. We’ve been separated for a while and I’m doing great! I got over it really quickly after we separated because I’ve been emotionally separating for a couple years now. Thanks for all your support.

That's good to hear! Enjoy your newly found freedom!

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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24-05-2018, 05:12 PM
RE: Trouble in Paradise
(16-01-2018 10:19 AM)jennybee Wrote:  I used to think rships were a certain way--that if only I tried hard enough to make it work, all would be okay...but sometimes the other person just doesn't want to change no matter your best efforts--even though they say they do. Because eventually, they go back to old behavior patterns and expect you to be okay with that. I think a good rule of thumb when dealing with rships and someone's true intent for things: Actions speak louder than words.

'S truth.

(24-05-2018 04:58 PM)LadyWallFlower Wrote:  In case anyone is curious, I’m getting divorced on Wednesday. We’ve been separated for a while and I’m doing great! I got over it really quickly after we separated because I’ve been emotionally separating for a couple years now. Thanks for all your support.

Glad you found your own road to happiness, LWF.
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