Trouble with another student in my study abroad group?
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21-02-2013, 07:39 AM (This post was last modified: 21-02-2013 07:52 AM by Oxiate.)
Trouble with another student in my study abroad group?
I'm an American studying for a semester in Europe and I've recently had trouble with another student concerning my behavior. Let's call him John. I was talking to another student about politics on two seperate occasions and both times John overheard me. The second time after the end of my conversation he preceded to pull me aside and said I "shouldn't talk about American politics outside of America" he also asked me "why do I need to bring it up?"

My other interaction with John was during a required lecture that the American students in my school group had to attend. Part of the time I was taking notes on my ipad and the other time I was surfing the web. Yes, I wasn't entirely paying attention but he again decided to pull me aside after the end of the lecture and said "could you not use your ipad during class or lectures? It's rude".

His manner of presumptiveness, that he assumes that he is right and needs to lecture me on my behavior is really irritating me. I understand my behavior might be taken as rude, but I don't intend it that way. I've never been creul or mean to John and have actually gone out of my way to be friendly. He's a fellow atheist, and we are two of only three in a huge group of very religious theists. I'd think he might be more friendly because we have a lot in common and could relate to each other very easily.

I know I'm not perfect, but he seems to be targeting me just to lecture me. He is the same age as me and yet acts like he has years more wisdom and world experience than I do and from what I know of his background we have about the same. How can I deal with him?
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21-02-2013, 07:44 AM (This post was last modified: 21-02-2013 03:09 PM by Bucky Ball.)
RE: Trouble with another student in my study abroad group?
Some people NEED to feel "superior", and be "alphas". Tell him to mind his own fucking business, set your boundaries, and stand your ground. Atheists or not, some people are control freaks.

Insufferable know-it-all.Einstein Certified Ancient Astronaut Theorist and Levitating yogi, CAAT-LY.
Yeah, for verily I say unto thee, and this we know : Jebus no likey that which doth tickle thee unto thy nether regions.

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21-02-2013, 07:47 AM
RE: Trouble with another student in my study abroad group?
He should mind his own business and stop trying to tell you what to do. You shouldn't be made to feel bad by another student. I don't think I've ever been to a conference or lecture where there haven't been people surfing the web. If you had fallen asleep, now that would've been rude, but still none of his business.

You seem to be a nice person, and you want to stay on good terms with him, so I won't advise you to tell him to fuck off (which at this point is entirely within your right). But talk to him. Take him aside, tell him in no uncertain terms that you are an adult and you're responsible for your own actions. He can't go around telling you what to do. Well he can but he will find himself quickly alienating people if he does that.

If all else fails, tell him to fuck off.

"But the point is, find somebody to love. Everything else is overrated." - HouseofCantor
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21-02-2013, 08:32 AM
RE: Trouble with another student in my study abroad group?
Most situations like that here would be resolved with a headbutt. I don't know if that would be your best choice though. Tongue

Does he have a pet? If so, you could steal it, cook it and try to feed it to him.

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21-02-2013, 08:53 AM
RE: Trouble with another student in my study abroad group?
I think it's just his way of flirting with you.

More likely, he's just socially inept.

Are you familiar with TA (Transactional Analysis)?
The theory goes, that we interact with each other in the form of transactions. These are:

Parent-- Parent
.........\/
........ /\
. Adult--Adult
.........\/
........ /\
. Child--Child

He is doing the Parent --- Child thing. So you are feeling scolded like a child.
You can:
a) do the same to him (you = Parent; him = Child) and if he reacts badly you can explain what was happening and why it made you feel scolded
b) do the Adult--- Adult thing and just explain what you think is happening without demonstrating it first.
c) ask him why he feels he needs to treat you that way? Essentially this is asking him why he does not see you as an adult.

Good luck.

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21-02-2013, 09:36 AM
RE: Trouble with another student in my study abroad group?
(21-02-2013 08:53 AM)DLJ Wrote:  I think it's just his way of flirting with you.

More likely, he's just socially inept.

Are you familiar with TA (Transactional Analysis)?
The theory goes, that we interact with each other in the form of transactions. These are:

Parent-- Parent
.........\/
........ /\
. Adult--Adult
.........\/
........ /\
. Child--Child

He is doing the Parent --- Child thing. So you are feeling scolded like a child.
You can:
a) do the same to him (you = Parent; him = Child) and if he reacts badly you can explain what was happening and why it made you feel scolded
b) do the Adult--- Adult thing and just explain what you think is happening without demonstrating it first.
c) ask him why he feels he needs to treat you that way? Essentially this is asking him why he does not see you as an adult.

Good luck.

You may wish to read my new book about transactional analysis :
"I'm OK, You're Not So Hot".

Insufferable know-it-all.Einstein Certified Ancient Astronaut Theorist and Levitating yogi, CAAT-LY.
Yeah, for verily I say unto thee, and this we know : Jebus no likey that which doth tickle thee unto thy nether regions.

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21-02-2013, 10:15 AM
RE: Trouble with another student in my study abroad group?
I'm not sure where this idea that atheists need to stick together comes from. If they're joined in opposition to religion, I can understand. But you're both just attending a school together. The fact that you both happen to be atheists is no more to the point than if you both had brown hair in a class of blondes; or if you both like Death Metal while everyone else likes Pop.

Tell him to fuck himself. Drinking Beverage

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21-02-2013, 10:32 AM
RE: Trouble with another student in my study abroad group?
(21-02-2013 08:32 AM)frankiej Wrote:  Most situations like that here would be resolved with a headbutt. I don't know if that would be your best choice though. Tongue





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21-02-2013, 10:33 AM
RE: Trouble with another student in my study abroad group?
You are there to be yourself and that has nothing to do with him... let him know this.

Diplomatically tell him to go fuck himself and stop pestering you. Shy

I think in the end, I just feel like I'm a secular person who has a skeptical eye toward any extraordinary claim, carefully examining any extraordinary evidence before jumping to conclusions. ~ Eric ~ My friend ... who figured it out.
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21-02-2013, 11:51 AM
RE: Trouble with another student in my study abroad group?
(21-02-2013 07:39 AM)Oxiate Wrote:  How can I deal with him?
Smile at him......

.....then carry on living your life how you see fit.

For no matter how much I use these symbols, to describe symptoms of my existence.
You are your own emphasis.
So I say nothing.

-Bemore.
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