True Friends
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02-04-2017, 09:09 AM
True Friends
A few weeks ago one of my dearest oldest friends and I were reorganizing the universe as we usually do in discussion and my phone rang. It was another very treasured friend (but not a mutual friend) to whom I said I'd call him back but in the meantime be careful going down stairs and things because we were midway through reorganizing he universe. He laughed and rang off and my first friend asked who was that. A true friend, I said, like you, and them immediately followed it with a question that just popped up: why are true friends so rare?

I'm 62. My circle of cumulative acquaintance beyond just first name basis or business acquaintance is in the thousands, and the circle of what I consider genuine friendship several hundred. By genuine friendship I mean people I'd do favors for, or enjoy spending time sharing experiences with. The Xmas card list is broader than the circle of friends, in other words (except I don't do Xmas cards, but you get the idea).

Yet true friends I can count without needing more than my two hands of fingers. (Sadly, at 62, I've lost more than half my true friends, although I might make a a few new true friends as time goes on). But why are they so rare?

A true friend is for me a friend for life irrespective of disagreements or outlook and for whom you'd extend the nine-millionth favor in a row without question or thought of compensation. The true friend I began this post with is approaching 90 (was a college professor of mine) and is a committed theist with an abhorrence of gay marriage, yet even as we discuss such landmine territory between us there's never any rancor or upset or fear of harsh judgement, just honest sharing of our views of what constitutes the ineffable design of the universe. The true friend who called is 8 years younger than me and believes a woman's place is barefoot in the kitchen but if he needed $10K I don't have I'd find a way to get it to him if it meant taking out a mortgage. And they'd each do for me the same.

As social animals you'd think we'd recognize the priceless value true friendship gives to life, yet my experience has been that narrow selfishness occludes that vision so often it's the rule, not the exception.

What keeps us so blind? Why are true friends so rare?
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02-04-2017, 09:24 AM
RE: True Friends
I have known my best friend since we were 13...she is 60 and I am soon to be the same.

We seldom see one another as I have lived all over the country while she has been firmly rooted in small town Wisconsin since we were about 17 or 18 years old.

We don't talk very often...we don't need to. But when one of us needs the other one we are always there.

I have no other friendship like the one I have with her. To be blunt...she is the only IRL 'friend' who has never fucked me over, nor I her.

We both came from abusive, dysfunctional families so we understand why we react to certain things in the similar ways. I don't have to supply back story to her or she to me. We know it already...the people, the events, etc.

We are also very different in some ways. While I moved from the church many years ago she moves closer to it. She has a large group of friends that she is always doing things with while I am very solitary. She doesn't like animals and doesn't want pets...I want all the pets. She has been in a solid marriage for about 40 years...I have not been so lucky. She prefers the mountains while I would rather be near the ocean.

Though I really want to see her in person again, hopefully this year, just knowing she is out there is a comfort.

When we do talk, we laugh and cry and instinctively know what to say and how to say it. I love her so much. My life would have been so much less without her as a part of it.

Now I am teary...and need to make a phone call.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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02-04-2017, 10:21 AM
RE: True Friends
Thank you for the post AK. Just got off the phone with Jules. So easy and comfortable...and comforting. Heart

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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02-04-2017, 10:55 AM (This post was last modified: 02-04-2017 11:13 AM by Thoreauvian.)
RE: True Friends
(02-04-2017 09:09 AM)Airportkid Wrote:  Why are true friends so rare?

Because people are busy with other things -- jobs, families, etc. Friendships are one of those lower priorities we never quite get to, at least for most people.

Undecided
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