Trying to get a vasectomy
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
23-04-2015, 04:18 PM (This post was last modified: 23-04-2015 04:31 PM by MrKrispy601.)
Trying to get a vasectomy
So me and my wife have discussed the matter of me getting a vasectomy. With her having a condition which makes it highly likely that she will have a miscarriage if she did get pregnant along with our views we feel it's best we don't have kids. Now we both are young(23 and 24) so we understand that we might change our minds later in life but we both would rather adopt seeing as that's better for the whole of society. We see no point in putting another mouth to feed on this earth when there are plenty of kids who need parents.

So today I go to my doctor to get referred to a urologist to get scheduled for the procedure and although I was expecting the whole "your only 20 something" argument I wasn't expecting the extra stuff. So we sit down he goes through the normal questions. Are you married, have any kids, and your age. When I tell him that we don't have any he gives me a look. I go on to explain my wife's condition which I figured is a damn good reason for this. I'd rather not procreate and not sacrifice my wife's health. He then goes on to say " Well you know 60% of military marriages don't work right? Who's to say you won't end up someone different who can safely have kids?" Blink WTF?!? Why is that even relevant?

So I end up getting the ok finally but there is a strong chance when I call tomorrow to schedule with urology they'll turn me away when they here my age and how I have no kids. I seriously hate this. Why is it that most of our society feel like we HAVE to procreate? I mean that whole for the good of the species argument is total bullshit. We are so fucking overpopulated its a joke. But for some reason some people still look down on people who don't want to have kids because we actually give a shit about overpopulation. And why is it that doctors turn away patients who actually have a legit reason no matter the age? I mean it's not like I can blame the doctor if I change my mind later. That's what waivers are for right?

I'm just hoping that the urologist understand that I have a legit reason and concern for my wife's health. I've had a few family members suffer a miscarriage and it's something you never really get over fully. I'd never want to put her through that. And of course she could get her tubes tied but that leads to a host of problems for women. It just seems less of a toll on me to have a vasectomy that have her have to deal with even more health problems than she currently has.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
23-04-2015, 04:32 PM
RE: Trying to get a vasectomy
I'm sorry, but I think the doctor was right. It's too big a decision to be made at such a young age. He wasn't criticizing you for not wanting to have kids. He was warning you that it is very likely you will change your mind since you may find another partner in the future.

Back when I was 21 I was with a guy and I could totally imagine having kids with him. I'm 25 now and I realize how ridiculous that was. Don't be so hasty with such decisions just because you're in love now. Things can change. I'm not trying to be mean, just realistic.

"Behind every great pirate, there is a great butt."
-Guybrush Threepwood-
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes undergroundp's post
23-04-2015, 04:52 PM (This post was last modified: 23-04-2015 04:56 PM by One Above All.)
RE: Trying to get a vasectomy
These procedures can be reversed, but that doesn't mean they should be undertaken lightly. That said, a doctor has no business judging your decision (or, to be more precise, to prevent you from getting a service he'd do for someone else). While he was right to voice his concern (that's part of the job description), he has no right to reject your choice altogether.

undergroundp, you're, at most, a couple years older than the OP. If you're going to argue that this is "too big a decision to be made at such a young age", you should probably age a little bit yourself. Not trying to be mean, just pointing out a flaw in your argument. EDIT: Not trying to mock you either. I'm just feeling too lazy to come up with a different expression other than "Not trying to be mean".

The truth is absolute. Life forms are specks of specks (...) of specks of dust in the universe.
Why settle for normal, when you can be so much more? Why settle for something, when you can have everything?
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes One Above All's post
23-04-2015, 04:57 PM
RE: Trying to get a vasectomy
My husband had a vasectomy for *my* health. Yes, a vasectomy is a safer procedure than a tubal ligation, doesn't mean it's always the best option.

We wanted to adopt. We're now getting divorced. He's a fantastic dad and now can't have any if he remarries.

I can still have kids (although the thought terrifies me...it was a difficult delivery...don't ask). I had a miscarriage at 19 or 20 - never really bothered me - I didn't want to be pregnant nor did I know I was pregnant. Many pregnancies end up in miscarriages. It's more of a loss if it's something you tried really hard for. I never actually told anyone. Including my soon to be ex.

If you would have asked me at 23 if I would end up divorced, ever, I would have laughed in your face.

Condoms, birth control, diaphragms...there are a ton of options.

Do you think you're still going to be the same person at 40 as you are now? Give it a few more years.

"If there's a single thing that life teaches us, it's that wishing doesn't make it so." - Lev Grossman
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 4 users Like Nurse's post
23-04-2015, 05:13 PM
RE: Trying to get a vasectomy
(23-04-2015 04:52 PM)One Above All Wrote:  undergroundp, you're, at most, a couple years older than the OP. If you're going to argue that this is "too big a decision to be made at such a young age", you should probably age a little bit yourself. Not trying to be mean, just pointing out a flaw in your argument. EDIT: Not trying to mock you either. I'm just feeling too lazy to come up with a different expression other than "Not trying to be mean".

Well, my argument was not "you're young and I'm older and I know better", it was more like "I've been there (somewhat), so here are some things to think about".

I don't think I'm currently making any mature, grown-up decisions in my life either. I'm still young myself.

"Behind every great pirate, there is a great butt."
-Guybrush Threepwood-
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
23-04-2015, 05:32 PM
RE: Trying to get a vasectomy
It is the right thing to do to question a person regarding such a decision. It's not the doctor's place to make the decision. But trying to add some perspective is acceptable.

Krispy says they are open to adoption as an option.

My first thought was that if the woman can't carry a pregnancy why wouldn't she be the one to make a (mostly) permanent move toward prevention. I had my tubes tied at 30. Tiny incision through my belly button and a couple days of not being able to lift anything and never another issue.

I assume that other avenues have been explored...long term birth control methods and such.

23/24 is young. But it doesn't make a person unable to make an educated decision regarding their own reproduction or lack thereof. It's important to look at all the options, ask questions, hear the responses, and then make the right choice for you.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
23-04-2015, 05:40 PM
RE: Trying to get a vasectomy
(23-04-2015 04:18 PM)MrKrispy601 Wrote:  So I end up getting the ok finally but there is a strong chance when I call tomorrow to schedule with urology they'll turn me away when they here my age and how I have no kids.

If you don't get the answer you want, ask for a referral for a second opinion. If they refuse that, call your local Planned Parenthood and save a little money so you can handle your business.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like Thumpalumpacus's post
23-04-2015, 05:43 PM
Trying to get a vasectomy
I agree the doc shouldn't have voiced his concern that way. But the others are right that you may be different years from now. In my 20s I thought it would be great to be a father. But now, it's for the best I'm not. You may be the opposite.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
23-04-2015, 05:46 PM
RE: Trying to get a vasectomy
I guess I should also point out that I personally don't want kids of my "own" if you will because of a moral stance. Like I mentioned before adoption would be the only way I would be a parent. Why bring another person into this overpopulated world when there are already plenty of people that need that support that don't have it. I see it as selfish to do otherwise given the current state of the world(selfish for myself not judging anyone who has kids or wants them). So it's not just the medical reasons its also my stance on it.

I just feel that every time I bring this up everyone gives me the bs age issue. I'm 23 and have been in a lot of positions of responsibility OVER people almost twice my age. I've also had it the other way around. I think people are too quick to equate youthfulness with lack of experience in making sound judgments. Young people are smart enough to make educated decisions just as well as older people are just as likely to make dumb ones.

Regardless of if our marriage works out, it's something that I've wanted to do and something me and my wife have been discussing since before we were married. So that is an non-issue with me. If it turns out someone I'm with(hypothetically) after my wife and they don't like it I'll deal with it. I'm a big boy. Thumbsup
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes MrKrispy601's post
23-04-2015, 05:47 PM
RE: Trying to get a vasectomy
(23-04-2015 05:40 PM)Thumpalumpacus Wrote:  
(23-04-2015 04:18 PM)MrKrispy601 Wrote:  So I end up getting the ok finally but there is a strong chance when I call tomorrow to schedule with urology they'll turn me away when they here my age and how I have no kids.

If you don't get the answer you want, ask for a referral for a second opinion. If they refuse that, call your local Planned Parenthood and save a little money so you can handle your business.

Planned parenthood handles vasectomy's??? Had no idea.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes MrKrispy601's post
Post Reply
Forum Jump: